Ready? Not Really.. (Fem USUK) •IN EDITING•

Amelia

It was time.
Like, for real.
For-fucking-real.
I was gonna do it.
I was going to tell Alice I loved her.
It had to be time, right?
Some part of my brain told me to get the fuck off of my ass and go proclaim my undying love to the girl I've had my eyes on for what seemed like forever. Maybe it was the caffeine or the adrenaline rush from moving so much shit into my room, but I decided that hey, my brain was actually kinda smart for once.
I left Alice and Fran arguing in my crush's room about her choice in clothes ("Who owns this many plaid shirts and skinny jeans?" "Me, you fucking asshole!") and went to my room to take a final look at the journal stashes under my mattress. It was still wedged between the wall, and the pages had started to bend at the pressure of being forced against the hard surface. I gingerly opened the book to one of the last pages, looking down at Alice's loopy handwriting for some sort of weird, twisted encouragement.
It's funny, you know. She's been acting different.
She hugged me for a while and wouldn't let go. I swear I could feel her lips on the back of my neck.
It's all so strange. I don't know what to think. Does she love me? Probably not. It's most likely all a part of her little mind games she's been playing for so long. But deep down in some painfully vulnerable part of me, I want her to love me. I want the feeling of being wanted...
Being needed.
I want Amelia to love me like I love her.
The words still had a hard time registering in my brain. One part of me was doing backflips in joy at the thought of Alice liking me back, but the other part, the one that smothered all my willpower throughout the years, told me she must have been mistaken. This all was a setup or a weird prank, but it was just something that was off.
I told that part to go fuck itself.
Alice was going to date me because I was in love with her and damn it all! I had to tell her!
Of course, telling her when we were literally about to sleep ten feet away from each other for the rest of the school year probably wasn't the best plan, but it was starting to get really hard to look at her and not kiss her on the lips whenever she smiled.
I got out of my bed when I heard voices coming closer, more specifically, a British voice and a French voice that were slowly getting louder in volume. I was about to put the book back into its original place between the wall and my mattress when I froze.
That was it.
That was the way I'd get Alice to figure out I loved her.
I could give her the journal back!
Like, I could totally just swoon her and say something along the lines of, "Hey, I found this awhile back, but don't freak out because I am super in love with you and don't give a fuck about anything that happened in the past." And then I would dip her down into a super romantic dip-kiss, she would realise she was so in love with me that her face would turn that adorable shade of rosy red, and I would scoop her up and carry her off to... I dunno, somewhere romantic. Maybe my bed? I could put candles and rose petals out and everything. And then we could, maybe, like, make out.
Oh, holy shit.
I was already super excited at just the idea of making out with Alice. She had to be amazing at it, no doubt about it.
My plan was totally foolproof.
Right? Right.
I just had to wait for the right time when Alice and I were alone and Fran was off doing... whatever it is that weird French kids do in their free time. Eat snails? Discuss the Eiffel Tower? I don't know.
It could wait.
I would find that perfect time.