Ready? Not Really.. (Fem USUK) •IN EDITING•

Amelia

"I didn't think fatigue was an actual illness," I commented, tilting my head at Alice.
We sat together at a table in the library during a free period. My social studies teacher was out with no substitute since she had her baby unexpectedly a few weeks early, and Alice had taken a lot of her credits over the summer so that she could have time to relax during the school day. My heart had soared when I spotted her alone at a table with headphones on and her eyes closed. I tapped on her shoulder and sat right beside her despite the choice of any of the empty seats surrounding her.
"Apparently so. My doctor said that I've been practicing dance so much that I'm just physically exhausted." Alice's fingers twitched. As soon as I had sat down, she reached out and held my hand. We hadn't let go of each other since. Her palm was warm where is was pressed against mine. "Which I think is idiotic, but he was very clear that I rest and gave me a note so that I can skip practice with no consequences for the entire week." She rolled her eyes and put the little slip of paper on the table. I leaned forward and read it.
Please excuse ALICE KIRKLAND from their studies/extracurricular activities for ONE WEEK. They are currently suffering from some sort of sickness that will risk their safety if they participate. It was signed by the doctor in the bottom corner.
"Pretty snazzy pass, Ally," I joked. "Totally doesn't sound like a robot wrote it."
"Thank you so much," she said with a sigh. I could've sworn I saw the corners of her mouth lift up into a smile. "It'll suck to have to miss dance, though. Our performance is so soon and I still don't know if I'm ready."
I ran my thumb across the back of her hand, and most of the tension seemed to leave her body in an instant. "You're totally ready," I reassured her. "I might not have seen your routine yet, but, hey: You are Alice motherfucking Kirkland. If anyone can do this, you can."
"You said my middle name wrong," she said.
"I'm serious, Ally. I believe in you."
"I know." Alice smiled at me genuinely. "Thank you." She leaned forward and gently planted a kiss onto my cheek. "For everything."
I stared at her in shock before my eyes unconsciously darted around the library. But no one was looking at us. The tall bookshelves blocked us from the view of over half of the building, and despite the windows that made up three entire walls, no one outside on the lawn was looking at us. A few kids were gathered together on some cushions in the corner of the library, but they all had headphones in and were concentrating on their laptop screens.
Alice and I were totally invisible to everyone.
"Amelia?" she asked, frowning. She looked away in embarrassment. "I'm.. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking for kissing you like-"
I tilted her face towards me and pressed our lips together. Alice stiffened for a moment before relaxing again, her eyes fluttering shut. I was relieved that she was still okay with this... This weird setup that we had going on. All I ever wanted to do was kiss her. It was always on the back of my mind. She scooted her chair closer and used her one free hand to place on my cheek. Her palm sent heatwaves through my skin, and her fingertips pressed lightly against my temple.
It probably only lasted a few seconds, but it seemed like an eternity. Or maybe it was a fragment of a moment. Either way, I could still feel the ghost of her touch on my body for minutes after she pulled away. "Alice," I breathed, leaning in to kiss her again. My senses were heightened and yet all I could think about Alice. Her scent, her light breath against my face, her beauty. She ducked away from me before our lips connected. "Alice?"
"Amelia," she began, looking up at the ceiling for a second then back at me. "I've been wondering if, perhaps, you have something you want to tell me."
I shook my head a little. What the fuck was she talking about? "Like what?"
"I don't know." Alice started to look frustrated with herself. "Just, you know, something. Anything. You can tell me whatever is on your mind."
I shrugged. "I don't know what you're trying to get from me." There wasn't really anything to talk about. I was desperately in love with my childhood friend, but there was no way in hell I was about to tell her that. Other than that fact, there wasn't anything to discuss.
"Anything important going on in your life?" she continued, her voice growing sharper by the second. "There has to be, right?"
I looked behind me just to check that it was me she was getting pissy with. No one was there. I frowned and turned to face Alice again. "I- No? Nothing." Sensing Alice's agitation, I tried to recall a single event that I could share with her. "Uh, I mean, my mom's cousin is getting married this weekend..."
"Anything else?" she prodded. "Anything personal that's been bothering you?"
I ran a hand through my hair. "Look, dude, I don't know what's up with you, but taking it out on me won't help-"
"That's not what I'm getting at!" Alice snapped, gripping the edge of the table. "You would tell me if anything is going on, right? Physically or emotionally?"
"Seriously, what the fuck are you trying to get me to say?" Alice's green eyes blazed with anger. I was starting to get annoyed myself. She was acting absolutely bizarre. Who cared if something was wrong with me? Alice certainly never acted like she did before. "I'm sorry that I'm not super emotionally unstable, Alice Kirkland!"
She looked down at her lap for a second, eyes half-lidded. I wondered if maybe I shouldn't have raised my voice at her. That was rude and pretty uncalled for despite her weird behaviour. "Ally-"
"Hey, Amelia?" Alice peered up at me. "Do you like anyone?"
I stiffened.
"Why?" I asked slowly.
"Just wondering."
"Do you?" I shot at her. Alice looked uncomfortable at the question coming from me.
"Do you?" I didn't know how to approach the subject. Do I say no? Yes? If I said yes, she would want a name. Yes, and it's you. It's always been you. "Well, Amelia? The truth?"
"I-" The room felt thirty degrees warmer. I pulled at the bottom of my shirt as I tried to think of a response. "Don't see why it matters.."
"That's a yes, isn't it?" Alice guessed. I swallowed heavily. How the hell did she come to that conclusion? She must've been able to read minds or something! "Who?" I lifted a shoulder. "Why can't you tell me?"
"Because I don't want you to differently less of me," I said quietly.
Alice blinked and shook her head. "Why would I? Are they bad?" She looked almost... hurt for some reason.
"No! No. Just..." I wrung my hands anxiously. I felt super nauseous all of a sudden, like my stomach had just dropped to the ground. This was getting way too close to home for my comfort. "I 'unno."
Alice eyed me suspiciously before nodded a little. "Fine." She stood up and gathered her things together. "I think I understand now."
"Wait, Ally-" I sat up and reached for her arm. "Don't go, seriously-"
"No. I've gotten all the information I could."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, but her back was already turned to me as she walked away, hips swaying almost teasingly.
My cheeks turned red and I buried my face in my arm, unsure of how to feel.
Girls were weird.
~•~•~•~
Maddie braided my hair as we talked, pulling a little too roughly now and then. "Fatigue?"
"Yeah, I don't know. Ow, Mads! Jesus, my hair isn't fucking pain-proof."
"Sorry." She looped the three separate pieces of hair more gently. "But really? That's bizarre. She looked like she was about to pass out yesterday, sure, but fatigue? Alice looked fine when you both first got there." I shrugged. Maddie put a elastic band around the end of the braid before looping it into a bun on the top of my head. She wrapped it with another band. "You are all set."
I got up off of the bed and stretched my arms over my head. Maybe I should've cut my hair. It added, like, an extra five pounds on my shoulders. "Thanks, sis."
"Any time." She smiled at me. "And on the topic of Alice..."
"No! Not now, Maddie!"
"So, how pretty is she today on a scale of one to ten?"
"I can't hear you!" I covered my ears.
"At least an eight, wouldn't you say?"
My heart pounded and I shook my head quickly. "No!" Maddie raised her eyebrows expectantly. Great job giving into her, Amelia. "She's, um, a.. a twenty, at least.." I dropped my hands and sighed. "Yeah. As usual. Totally out of my league."
"I think we both know you're just being dumb." Maddie tilted we head and looked thoughtful, purposely avoiding the glare I gave her. "Tell her she looks pretty."
"Excuse me?"
"Do it."
"I would rather not." I started to gather my things.
"And why is that?"
"I would completely embarrass myself, sis. That is basically what a crush does to you, y'know?"
"She isn't exactly your crush..." Maddie's eyes brightened at my confusion. "It's more than that. It's like...you're in love with her."
"I'm leaving," I interrupted quickly, leaving the room and slamming the door shut. My paranoia set me on edge as I walked down the hallway to my room. What if there was a mind-reader in the school that I didn't know about? They could totally figure out my thoughts and conversations and blaackmail me! Okay, so I knew I was in love with Alice. That was obvious. I probably told Maddie that in every single discussion we had about her. It was just the thought of telling Alice and having her laugh in my face, bring up the bullying and the fact that I was straight...
Having her reject me...
Just the idea of that was unbearable. It was hard to live hiding from your feelings, but it was better than living without the one you loved. I read her diary, yes, and she said she loved me back, sure. But there was always that little issue of the circumstances that surrounded our earlier relationship. Teasing wasn't the best start. Sure, it was cute when you were, like, five or six, but continuing it for years after and, according to Alice's journal, destroying a childhood... I was honestly scared of myself and what I might do to her if we actually got together. Would I stop making fun of her? But couples fought, right? Or maybe I would keep picking on her and she'd get so annoyed with me that she would leave?
A total lose-lose situation.
Plus, I didn't even know how to ask someone out. Or date someone. Or crush on someone. Or actually be an acceptable person instead of a douchebag.
The thoughts clouded my mind as I unlocked the door and stepped into my room.
"Hey, Amelia," Alice said. I glanced over at her. She was checking a pair of tights for holes, her ballet shoes on the ground by her feet. Alice didn't look up when I came in. "You were gone for a bit. Missed lunch, too. I was looking for you."
"Really? Damn, sorry..." I totally forgot to eat. Yeah, something was definitely wrong with me.
She stood up. Her short hair was spiked and messy as usual and covered the top part of her eyes. My hand itched to brush her bangs away. "You have cheer, don't you?"
"Ah, yeah." Totally almost forgot about that. I scratched my head and stumbled over to the closet, rummaging through my clothes for my cheer uniform. "You aren't going to dance, are you?"
Alice sighed. "No. I don't think my doctor would be too keen on me going and exhausting myself more." I heard her footsteps, but didn't think much of them until I felt a weight on my shoulder. I froze. Alice's head laid on my back by my shoulder blade, her hair brushing against the back of my neck. "I would walk with you to the locker rooms but I don't want to tire myself, you know."
"Um, y-yeah. Totally." I coughed and took my uniform off of its hanger. "No, you just stay here and rest, dude."
Why the fuck was she touching me?
Why was she putting her head on my shoulder?
What the fuck?
It took a lot but I pulled myself together and turned around to face her. Alice's green eyes were hard to read, but they seemed brighter than usual. The corners of her lips turned up in a smirk. "Still have nothing to tell me?"
"I will make sure to inform you when I do," I said simply.
Her face fell with disappointment but she quickly regained herself. "Of course. I was just making sure. Need to take charge of taking care of my roommate!" She sounded half-hearted, but since I didn't know the issue I couldn't do much.
"Right." I walked over to the door and reached down to grab my bag that was siting beside Alice's. I felt a hand touch me before I did so, and when I turned around, Alice's lips brushed against mine. Her kiss was small but intimate, and when I looked down, she had to reach up to get to my face on her toes.
"Please don't fall and break your neck," she breathed when we broke apart. "It would be unfortunate."
"I'll keep that in mind," I said against her lips.