Ready? Not Really.. (Fem USUK) •IN EDITING•

Amelia

Alright.
Stage one of my plan was going into effect: pep talk myself into not chickening out.
I had taken the journal out of my room sometimes during the moving process, just in case. You never know what could happen to a girl's bed! It had been hidden in the waistband of my sweatpants for a little while, and it was really starting to get annoying. Like, trying to be romantic is so painful when there's a book digging into your spine and falling down your fucking pants.
While I was washing my hands in the restroom, I glanced up in the mirror and at my face. My cheeks were flushed, and wispy strands of hair were trying to escape the bun I had halfheartedly put my hair into earlier in the day. I guess I looked attractive. It was hard for me to really tell. Leaning closer to my reflection, I could sort of see the appeal in my eyes. They were pretty blue. If only I didn't have to wear damn glasses. It was weird how wearing plastic frames with glass in them made you look three times uglier. But hey, apparently Alice liked it all.
I took out her journal and held it in my hands. It was a tattered old thing. That dumbass unicorn smiled at me from the cover. Seriously, Alice was a weird little kid. Who the hell would want this thing? I opened it to a page closer to the beginning and traced the childish handwriting, so messy and crooked and yet so her. I wished I could've spent more time with her when we were young. We had missed so many years together, so many opportunities to make meaningful memories. Would we be dating if I hadn't pushed her away? I could never know. My best bet was to just ask her out now and then make up for lost time once we were together.
Of course, that was if she didn't totally shoot me down.
Good thoughts, good thoughts.
I gripped the little book tight in my hands and crept out of the bathroom. My bedroom was in plain view. Somehow, the door had managed to close itself. Strange. Hadn't I left it open?
Step two was soon to be a go.
I took a deep breath. My heart raced so quickly that I thought I would pass out, and my chest was tight from the anxiety. What would happen when I asked her out? What would change? Would she love me when we dated, or get tired of me once she actually saw the real me? Now that I had thought about it, it would be super awkward to have your ex room with you. Hopefully that wouldn't happen. I wasn't as scared of the rejection as I was terrified of not knowing what was going to happen. This couldn't be planned. Alice was herself, and I was me. I couldn't see the future for a girl that I wasn't. I just really hoped she liked me back still.
I put my hand on my door and frowned. Opening it would be entering a new chapter of my life. One where either I went out with the girl I loved, or I finally had the chance to get over her if she rejected me. My fingers were crossed for the former.
Taking a deep breath, I turned the knob and the door swung open.
"Alice-" I started to say.
But then I saw the girl I was so deeply in love with in someone else's arms, their lips pressed together in a heated kiss with hands roaming each others body.
I couldn't move.
I couldn't breathe.
A whispered, "I love you."
My brain stopped functioning. Anger and pain were the only things that could register. How- Why- When-?
The death grip I had had on the book before released, and it fell to the the floor with a dull thud.
Alice jumped and her head whipped around to face me. Her cheeks were red from the kiss she had been a part in only seconds earlier, her blonde hair sticking up and green eyes huge.
"Oh my god," she said monotonously.
"Alice-" I began, my voice breaking halfway through her name. I learned then that the world was cruel. Alice would never be with me. I saw a pair of blue eyes in the darkness, and my throat constricted. "Are you- Are you with my cousin?"