Ready? Not Really.. (Fem USUK) •IN EDITING•

Amelia

Sundays were usually pretty boring at the high school. In order to respect all religions, the day was pretty open for girls to do almost anything they wanted whether it be go to church or rest or whatever. I hated church, to be honest. Ever since I accepted the way I felt about Alice, I've always had the feeling of not belonging in a Christian environment. So I usually just hid away on Sundays.
I had slept in my sister's room the night before. Her roommate seemed surprised when she first walked in to me half-asleep beside Maddie, but I mean, it was pretty obvious I was her sister with the whole, you know, same face thing. Maybe it was just weird to see two of your roommate? I wasn't sure, but I was pretty grateful that I could stay with my sister.
"You can't sleep in here every night, you know," Maddie murmured to me the next morning when she woke up after me, tiredly running her fingers through my hair. "We'll get in trouble."
I didn't respond at first, instead just resting my head on her shoulder. "I can talk to the DA today."
Maddie closed her eyes again. "Good."
A few hours later when we had gotten up and showered and everything, Maddie said she would take me to breakfast with her and Gil before I went to the dorm advisor. "I can pay," she offered.
I tilted my head to the side as I combed my fingers through my wet hair. "You know we have the same parents giving us the same money," I said, smiling.
Maddie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you always spend all of your money the minute you get it." I shoved her shoulder, and she laughed at me.
Her roommate came back into the room and looked at me, half-surprised. "Oh," she said. "You're still here." Rude. She retrieved a phone charger from a nightstand beside her bed. "Can I ask why you're staying in our room?"
I glanced at Maddie. She looked slightly annoyed. "Emily!" she snapped. "It's my sister! Does it matter?"
Emily looked put off by her sudden change of tone and left the room without another word. She ran into someone in the hallway and called back, "Hey Maddie! Your girlfriend is here!"
Maddie immediately perked up and jumped out of bed. "Gil?" I felt my stomach sink as she went to go greet the albino. Every single time they saw each other, Maddie would scoop Gil into her arms and kiss her. I used to find it dumb as well as vaguely cute, but now I just wanted them to stop. That could have been me and Alice. I could have had her at my side with her small smiles that were so rarer and her little freckled nose.
I thought of her in Fran's arms and shivered.
Maddie lead Gil into her room, their arms hooked together. Gil looked at me and waved her free hand, not seeming too surprised at my presence. My sister probably told her everything that was going on. I mean, it made sense to tell your girlfriend everything, but I sort of wished that Maddie had asked me if she could confide in Gil about what had happened. Common courtesy, right?
"What's up?" Gil asked.
I shrugged. "Heartbroken and unable to sleep in my own bed."
She smiled slightly. Gil wasn't exactly the type to feel too much sympathy for others, but it was cool. I didn't want her to feel bad for me or anything. "I think a big plate of pancakes with syrup can fix you, Blondie. Well," she scratched her head. "Maybe for the time being."
Maddie giggled quietly. I never really noticed how close they were until then. Sure, I had always been jealous of their seemingly natural relationship, but now that jealousy had turned to something more painful. I was scared when I put the word to my feeling: I started to absolutely loathe watching them together. The image of Alice smiling up at me would flash through my head, quickly followed by her moaning in Fran's arms.
Chills went down my spine. Everything was so wrong. In a matter of just a few hours, everything had gone to hell.
I ached to have the girl I loved in my arms. I wanted to kiss her and hug her. My legs trembled at how badly I wanted her. The frustration was beginning to get unbearable. Watching the looks that my sister and Gillian exchanged unconsciously was excruciating. The way they leaned on each other as if they couldn't live without the other, and their hands that fit perfectly together. I wanted to crawl under a rock and just live there for, oh I don't know, the rest of my life.
Maddie read my mood almost instantaneously. She whispered something in Gil's ear before pressing a kiss to her cheek and breaking away to stay by my side. Her arm hooked through mine. "So, pancakes?" she asked, trying to switch the subject. All I could think about was Alice. I knew it wasn't normal to just think about my crush and nothing, but I had never been this obsessed with her until that moment. Alice, Alice, Alice. "Amelia?" Maddie prodded, looking at me with a slight frown on her face. "You alright? You look spaced out."
"Huh? Oh, yeah!" I said a little too loudly. "I'm awesome! Ten out of ten, hell, eleven out of ten! Let's get some food, man."
Maddie looked unsure, but I didn't give her the chance to say anything as I lead her out of the room. Gil didn't look too upset that I stole her girlfriend out of her arms. She kept her hands in her coat pockets, occasionally covering her mouth to yawn. Definitely not a morning person. "I was thinking about visiting my baby brother, you know," Gil said suddenly.
My sister looked at her and brightened up. "Oh! I haven't seen him in forever!" I couldn't help but smile. Gil's brother (he was definitely not a baby; I swear to god he was a bodybuilder in a previous life) and I had sort of teamed up a while back to help hook up our sisters. It took a while, but they eventually got together after dancing around the subject of liking each other. After our extremely precise planning paid off, we stayed friends and often texted each other. "How come you haven't gone to see him beforehand?"
Gil shrugged. "I 'unno. I've been busy, and he got a girlfriend so..."
I wanted to scream. How the hell did everyone manage to get a date while I was left in the dust?
Maddie noticed my bad mood and switched the subject from girlfriends. "Hey, Ames, have you finished your social studies project yet?"
We chatted back and forth until we got to the cafeteria. I couldn't help myself but look around for Alice in the crowd of girls. What I'd do when I saw her, I had no idea. Probably run away, maybe hide.
The air smelled like sausages and potatoes, and the usual swarm of hungry teenagers was around the food in the lunch line. I felt relieved when I didn't see Alice, but as soon as I relaxed, I almost instantly I saw her. Her head of blonde hair was poking from the line, and I watched as she got her food and walked towards an empty table. She had her head down low. My heart ached painfully. I leaned against Maddie.
"She's here," I murmured in her ear. She snapped her head up and looked around, tensing when she spotted Alice.
"You know she isn't the only one in the wrong," Maddie reminded me. I glared at her. "You did read all of her personal thoughts."
"She's screwing around with my cousin," I hissed.
"You don't know if they've had sex."
My stomach hurt, and I suddenly lost my appetite. "I doubt that Alice would ever act that comfortable around anybody unless she had been with her before." I had no knowledge of sex whatsoever, especially lesbian sex. I was a virgin, which was a little embarrassing at this point. As lame as it sounded, I was waiting for the right person to give up my virginity to, and I didn't masturbate or anything, either. The whole waiting until marriage thing to have sex was actually kind of sweet to me.
I just wish Alice had felt the same.
After we got our breakfast, we sat on the complete opposite side of the cafeteria from Alice. I stabbed my fork in my pancakes over and over again while Maddie talked to her girlfriend. Syrup dripped into the little holes in the pancake, and I narrowed my eyes.
Alice doesn't like you.
Stab.
How long have she and Fran been having sex?
Stab.
Why should Alice even have to wait for you? You're so selfish.
Stab.
I bet Fran can make her scream.
I got up from the table abruptly. "I have to go talk to the dorm advisor now," I said in a rush. Maddie and Gil looked bewildered, but I left the table as soon as I finished speaking, practically running out of the cafeteria and, hopefully, away from my problems.