Ready? Not Really.. (Fem USUK) •IN EDITING•

Amelia

a/n
audio to my internal song choice up top ovo;; but you can imagine whatever song you would like!
------------------------------------------
Maddie refused to talk to me for the time being, but I didn't have long to really think about it since the thirty-seventh person was going on. My heart started racing until I thought it was probably not healthy, and my palms clammy. I was also sweating profusely, so I was just one big hot mess. Would I even be able to focus on Alice? This was so huge for her, but I just wanted to run to her and beg her to forgive me for being a total idiot for so long. I couldn't bear waiting through her entire performance, having to share the sight of how beautiful she was with the hundreds of people packed in the seats around me. I didn't want to share her. All I wanted was to have Alice as my own and know that I could kiss her whenever, no matter who was watching.
The thirty-seventh number was actually two guys dancing together, their bodies close and movements slow. I was pretty sure it was meant to be a sort of abstract representation of homosexuality considering how passionate the song playing was, and I found it super ironic considering I was going to go be homosexual soon after they were finished. The song was close to over considering the key the tune was playing in had changed, and I was still about to pass out from anxiety.
"Ready?" Maddie whispered to me. She still looked mildly angry, but she still genuinely cared about the future of my relationship with Alice.
"Not really," I mumbled, reaching over and taking Carmen's bouquet of flowers out of the seat I had laid them in. I messed with a few rose petals to make sure they looked presentable to Alice. There was no way I'd want her to think I was slacking off on any part of the whole admitting-my-feelings thing. I was giving my all for her, and I hoped she would do the same herself, even if she had to sort of improvise since I was making this shit up off the top of my mind.
Maddie's face softened. She hugged me quickly. "You'll be okay. Just don't get so absorbed in your new girlfriend that you forget about me, alright?"
I smiled a little. "You're really confident that she'll say yes."
"I'm positive she'll say yes." Maddie leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. "I can't wait to get some peace and quiet for once and not have my phone blowing up with 'how do I say this' and 'what about that.' Thank god."
I rolled my eyes. So supportive. And for a second, I thought she was just happy for me.
And then the song was over.
I jumped in surprise and sat up abruptly, gripping the arm rest with my nails. I wasn't ready. The alcohol was still making me sweat like crazy, and my head and started to swim again. What would I say? What was I going to say? "Oh my god," I whispered.
"You're okay, Ames." Maddie held my hand. "You're okay," she repeated.
I shook my head. I should've prepared more or actually finished the stupid script or something. But I couldn't back out of it. I would never forgive myself if I did. Skipping out of the perfect opportunity to come clean to the girl I had been in love with for so long...
I was determined to make it work.
"Yeah," I agreed. "I'm okay."
The lights were dim for a long time before they came back up. Instead of Alice on the stage, though, her teacher had come out with a microphone. She was holding her hand out so she wouldn't get blinded by the lights. "Oh," she laughed breathily. "Those get really bright." The crowd was swept by a low rumble of chuckles, and the teacher's- Miss something, I don't remember- face turned red. "And I'm assuming the mic is already on. Great." She held the mic away from her face as more laughter came from the audience. and she took a deep breath before continuing. "So I'm the next performer's teacher, Miss Arlovskaya. Alice is her name. I just wanted to say that she is one of the most wonderful girls I have ever taught and..." Miss A looked away before she could get emotional, and it took her a few seconds to calm herself. She looked back out into the audience. "And I wish her well in life. I know there are many college scouts that are looking for a select few men and women to give scholarships to in dance, and all I can say is you have a very strong candidate here. You can't find anyone more talented. Thank you."
I smiled a little. There was no way a college scout wouldn't be impressed by Alice. She was one of the few people that were brave enough that night to perform alone, and I knew she would do so flawlessly.
Maddie started clapping first, and soon enough, the whole auditorium was giving a round of applause. I gripped the flowers tighter in my hands, my stomach turning. Internally, I begged her teacher to say more so that I could have just a little more time to prepare myself for what was coming. But Miss A was already walking off the stage, looking mildly embarrassed from having to make a speech in front of so many people at such short notice. As soon as she stepped foot behind one of the curtains on the far side of the stage, the lights when black.
And I was terrified. Never in my life had I been so scared to do something. I was supposed to be carefree and brave, but I was panicking at the thought of running downstairs and telling Alice I was in love with her. Why couldn't I be brave for the one person that mattered most to me?
I sat up in my seat as the lights came up enough to see her silhouette. Numerous times, I had overheard Alice talking excitedly to Maddie about every single individual part of her solo dance, but seeing Alice actually perform in person was so much better than anything she could've put into words.
Anyway, Alice's silhouette was the only thing to look at. She didn't have any props like the other dance numbers had. Alice was on her knees on the ground, one hand in the air as if reaching to shield her eyes from an imaginary light, and the other propping her body up off the ground. Everyone waited in anticipation for the flow of music to begin, expectations raised from Miss A's short speech from before.
Finally, the music began to play, though the lights stayed dim.
Alice's movements were elegant, each movement carefully coordinated with the beat of the song. She picked herself off of the floor with expert grace and began to slowly descend to the front of the stage, her dress trailing behind her like the train of a wedding dress. Despite the mundane movements of just walking, her feet were pointed, and with each step, she swayed slowly and followed up with a slight bounce of her body.
And by the chorus, the lights had actually turned on so I could see Alice.
The backdrop was red while the rest of the stage was black, and the only true light was a spotlight that followed Alice as she glided across the stage. She was absolutely stunning, and I could hear the hushed whispers of amazement from behind me. With each passionate lyric of the singer playing in the background, Alice would leap or reach out to the audience as if to beg for some kind of reaction. Some of her movements were almost desperate and aggressive, but they were immediately followed by something more graceful. The power in each step and every outstretch of her arm was intense, and I found myself gripping Maddie's hand without even realising it.
"She's amazing, right?" she whispered softly.
"Yeah," I agreed weakly.
I remembered some fact I had read once in my science textbook: when two people love each other enough, their heartbeats can synch when they're close enough to each other. It was dumb, I know, but I felt as though I were connected to Alice. As if I were on her same wavelength.
The lights turned down once more so that Alice appeared to be just a shadow. She fell onto her knees again, but each movement was interesting enough that she didn't have to be standing and dancing to be intriguing. Alice rolled onto her side and stood again, the spotlight coming on so that we could see her. She stopped dancing as fast-paced and slowed when the music slowed. Alice hugged herself and swayed in time to the beat.
The lights dimmed sooner than I expected. She was left alone on stage, head hung and arms still wrapped tightly around her body. The audience stood and applauded loudly, cheers erupting from the back of the auditorium and making their way to the front. I could've sworn Alice was staring at me since I was the only person sitting, but I was too absorbed in how beautiful she was to stand and clap. I held the roses and tried to catch my breath, but it was getting harder to think by the second.
I had to go to her. I had to run downstairs and find her.
Maddie was staring down at me, still clapping herself. "You alright?" she asked, a worried expression shadowing her face.
"I gotta go," I said. I jumped up and grabbed my jacket, running down the aisle and out the double doors of the auditorium.
I had to find Alice. That was my only priority.