Ready? Not Really.. (Fem USUK) •IN EDITING•

Amelia

Maddie had to actually put her hand on me to keep me from bouncing so much in my seat. I was so nervous to see Alice's performance and absolutely terrified for what I was going to do after it. Maddie and I had already gone over it in hushed whispers numerous times. It was really my only entertainment throughout the show. I couldn't enjoy any of the other dance numbers because I was so anxious about Alice.
Anyways, the plan. After Alice got off the stage, I was going to run down to the dressing rooms that were in the basement level of the theatre. Hers was somewhere down there in one of the dance rooms. I would find Alice (hopefully not when she was changing, although that would be a huge bonus for me) and pull her off to somewhere more private to talk to her. Then came the hard part. I would have to fucking tell her my feelings and apologise for everything I had done, making up my speech on the fly since the script didn't work out. I had the paper in my pocket, though, just in case. After that, I had zero idea what would happen. The big things that might happen were one: Alice will say she likes me too and we'll kiss and hopefully date. Two: Alice will be in shock and say she has to think about it. Three, and the absolute worst: Alice stopped feeling anything towards me sometime between me taking her journal and the moment I was confessing, and she would turn me down.
There was still a chance for everything in between to happen, and I was terrified because this was the one thing I couldn't control: Alice. I didn't know what exactly went through her head. She was the one variable in the equation that I couldn't figure out, and I hated it. I knew almost every single step it would take to get to her, but everything after that was an absolute mystery. I wanted to be able to know what she would say. Hell, everything depended on what she would say. My confession, most likely, would be shaped on any questions she wanted to ask or any input she gave me. For all I knew, I'd be pouring more of my heart and soul out to her than I had originally planned.
"Damn," I sighed, sinking in my seat.
Maddie glanced at me, breaking her attention away from Gil. "What's up?" she asked.
"Alice," I mumbled.
"You know," Maddie started with a smile. "You can't always make your excuse 'Alice.' She isn't exactly a simple person. You gotta elaborate."
"I'm scared about what she's gonna say," I admitted.
Maddie frowned and tilted her head. "About you when you tell her?" I nodded. "Well, she'll probably be in shock, and then she'll want answers. But if anything, she'll be stoked that you love her."
I looked away. "I'm not exactly girlfriend material. There's nothing special about me."
"No," Maddie said. "You're special. To me and to her. She wouldn't be your friend if she didn't think so. Alice hates people that just go with the times and do what's expected."
True. I bit the inside of my cheek. "Am I good enough for her?"
Maddie rolled her eyes. "Don't even start that. All I'll say is that I think if you've been tearing yourself up for years over Alice, you deserve to be with her."
I looked at the dancers that were on stage but didn't really pay attention to them. "When does Alice go on?" I asked. Maddie thought for a moment before opening her program booklet and flipped a few pages.
"Err," she said, frowning. "Third to last."
My stomach sank. "Out of how many?"
Maddie looked at me nervously. "Uh... Forty-seven people."
I groaned. "What are we on?"
She scanned the different dance numbers, trying to find any that sounded similar to whatever we were watching now, which was some post-apocalyptic looking hip-hop performance complete with camp and gas masks. "I think twenty."
"Twenty?" I hissed. "She's forty-fourth! We aren't even halfway there!"
Maddie placed her hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me down. "Amelia, it's okay. That gives you time to think about what to say, so that's good."
That was not good. Very not good. It was also time to talk myself out of asking Alice out. "Yeah," I lied. "You're right." Maddie seemed satisfied enough with my answer and turned back to her girlfriend. I had to look away when they started kissing again. God, I hated PDA.