Ready? Not Really.. (Fem USUK) •IN EDITING•

Amelia

"Okay, bro, you gotta let us in," I argued with the usher, desperately trying to push past his gigantic frame. I could hear the song playing in the auditorium. It was Alice's group number, for sure. She had played it out loud in our room multiple times while listening with her eyes closed and murmuring the steps she had to take during the dance. I remember being mesmerized by the smile on her face and the fancy words spilling from her mouth and wanting to see what she was talking about in person. And now the fucking Hulk-douchebag combo decided to stand in the way. "Like, for real. My entire life is on the line, pal. You wouldn't want a poor little high school girl to have her life end before it really begins, right?" I put on my best sad face and looked up at the guard like a kicked puppy.
He looked unimpressed and mildly annoyed.
"Buddy," I sighed, putting a hand on the door behind him. "Seriously. I have to get in there so I can go ask a girl out and then have a super long, great life and you are the only thing in the way of that."
The usher raised his eyebrows. "Should've gone in before the number started," he grunted.
I glared at him. "Do you not have any emotion?"
"No, but I have a job." He looked away from me and, without another word, ended the conversation. I grumbled and rounded the corner back to my sister, who was standing out of sight by the front door.
"Nothing?" she asked with a frown.
"Zilch. Nada. My pal over there is a real bag of dicks." I gestured to the guard that hadn't moved an inch.
"What is a 'bag of dicks' supposed to be?"
"Focus, Maddie. No time for dicks."
She looked irritated. "Do you have another plan?"
I narrowed my eyes. "Sorta. And it involves you."
Maddie's eyes grew big. "Me?"
"Yep. Go over there and tell him that you're missing your kid."
Maddie threw her arms up. "I am literally seventeen! I don't have any kids! I don't even look seventeen!"
"Sure you do. You got my face." I smiled and patted her shoulder. "Go out there and put on a show, big-sis-of-five-minutes."
She glared at me as she straightened her back. "You better ask out Alice after this damn performance."
"Yeah, yeah. Go do your thing. You're in theatre class."
"Tech theatre, Amelia." But she shuffled down the hall to the usher, both talking in low voices. I could hear Maddie fake-sob, and then the guard tried to comfort her softly. Then... footsteps.
Bingo.
I ran to the the doors and burst through them to the auditorium. I had to see Alice's dance. I had to.
But I didn't.
I slowed to a stop in the middle of the carpeted aisle that ran in between the seats. The song was already finished, the dancers frozen in their ending position that I had seen Alice rehearse so many times, and the crowd was standing and applauding the performance. My heart sank to the ground, and I wanted to start crying. Everyone was smiling and saying how great the dance was and did you see the girl with the short hair? and yadda yadda, and I had completely failed Alice. I could barely even see her from where I was standing, her small figure outshined by taller girls around her. I sprinted to the front row of seats, desperate to get her attention. I'm here! I wanted to shout.
It was useless. The lights went off, and the girls went offstage to either get changed and rejoin their families, or prepare for another dance number. I followed the glow-in-the-dark strips on the flow back to my seat, feeling defeated. I gripped the flowers tighter in my hand as I sat beside Gil.
"Hey, babe," she said.
"Not Maddie."
"I can tell." I found it astounding how pale Gil was. She was so white, I could actually see her skin in the pitch black. "You two are nothing alike. I was joking. It's a new and innovative method of entertainment you should try some time."
I sank in my seat and picked the leaves off of a rose. "I'm not in the mood, Gil. Be annoying when your girlfriend comes back."
She stayed silent until the lights came up again, then leaned over to talk to me. "Alice was looking for you for a while."
"Yes," I sighed. "I know. Maddie told me. I'm an asshole and, trust me, I feel horrible about it."
Gil shrugged and watched the girls onstage dance. Their number was girly and childish, meant to play on the stereotypes of little girls. The dancers had doll-painted faces and wore big, frilly dresses that made them twice as big as they normally were. The set was obnoxiously pink and had candy and dollhouses everywhere. "You know," Gil said quietly. "Alice still has the other dance, the one she's been practicing everyday for. If you see that, then maybe..."
"Maybe," I finished. It wasn't likely Alice would forgive me just like that, though. I promised for the longest time that I would come to this performance, and to her, it looked like I bailed on it. I didn't want her to forgive me. I couldn't even forgive myself for such a fuck up.
Maddie rolled up all of a sudden, fury on her face. "I hate you," she told me before sitting in between Gil and I. She laid her head on her girlfriend's shoulder and held her hand tight. Gil looked vaguely confused.
"What is happening, exactly?" she asked.
"Apparently, Amelia thinks I look like a mom," Maddie grumbled. Gil snorted and covered her mouth.
"Oh my god."
"Exactly."
"Okay," I started defending myself. "First off, I never said you looked like a mom. You can just pull off being a mom."
"Please shut up," Maddie said.
"Fine."
She smiled at Gil, kissed her gently on the neck, and started whispering in her ear, effectively cutting me from the conversation. I rolled my eyes and leaned as far away from them as I possibly could without falling out of my seat. Hardcore third wheeling, man. If anyone was an expert at it, it was me.
I twisted one of the roses between my fingers, still in shock that Carmen had been nice enough to just give them to me for free. They were gorgeous, for sure. I just didn't know if they were good enough for Alice. She was so much prettier then a bouquet of flowers. Alice was more like.. a garden of flowers with the greenest of grass, and I was just a lameass ladybug.
I sighed and crossed my legs, praying that the performances before Alice's would go quickly while secretly hoping that something would happen so I could put off embarrassing myself in front of Alice. People knew me as being fun and energetic and carefree. Emotions weren't anywhere in there because I just couldn't do emotions. Amelia F. Jones was not known for doing emotions. Ever. I wasn't supposed to feel them as strongly if I was popular and funny.
But Alice ruined everything like she always does. She made me experience what it was like to truly care for someone and understand love on a deeper level than just "he's cute" or "she's cute." It was soul-crushing and horrible, opening yourself up fully to someone else. But I loved her too much to care about the hard stuff. We'd gone through shit and said stuff we didn't mean to let out of our heads. That didn't change anything about how I felt about Alice. If anything, being able to relate with her and know she was human and not some weird, foreign goddess made me want to be with her even more.
Maybe my personality had changed. I hoped not. Being funny and athletic were really my only fallbacks. I couldn't stand being serious or analytical whatsoever like Alice was. Then again, she was sarcastic and adorable on top of all those things, so maybe it would be okay for me to have days where I was stoic like her.
"You alright?" Maddie leaned over to whisper. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. Phew. No girlfriend trying to make out with her. I tilted my head in question. "The sixth number is over. You've barely moved since the fourth one, but you keep making these faces."
Wow. I made faces when I thought? Weird. I shook my head. "I'm okay." Maddie frowned and gripped my hand. I smiled a little. "Really, I am. I was just thinking about Alice."
"Oh," she said with a breathy laugh. "Somehow, that actually explains it." Maddie hesitated, her smile beginning to fall. "Still gonna do it?"
"You really doubt me, sis. It offends me." I placed my free hand over my heart. "You wound me."
She rolled her eyes. "You're a dork. I can't wait till you two are dating and I can say 'told you so!' every single day."
Ooh. That was a bad thought. "How about no."
"How about hell yeah?" Maddie laid her head on my shoulder and squeezed my hand. We stayed silent for a little while and watched a few dance numbers. I wasn't nearly as intrigued with them as I would be with Alice. God, I sound obsessive. Gil came back from the bathroom, looked rejected since her girlfriend was cuddling with her sister, and sat down heavily. She turned the brightness all the way down on her phone before loading up some old arcade looking game and playing it without sound. Maddie eventually made a noise as she looked up at my face. "I just realised something."
"What?" I asked.
"We're both, like, really gay."
"Yeah you are, Maddie," Gil mumbled without looking up. Maddie smiled at her sweetly before focusing on me again. She was loving my reaction, that was for sure.
My face felt hot. "Well, technically I'm not-"
"You are one hundred and ten percent gay for Alice Kirkland, Ames. Admit it."
I sank in my seat and scrunched up my shoulders. I could deny it, sure, but that didn't change my feelings or the fantasies I had had with my roommate starring in them. Or how much of a dick my sister decided to be by getting me to say such a thing out loud. Like... Wow, embarrassing. "I'm really gay for Alice," I squeaked.
"Maybe a hundred and twenty percent," Maddie corrected herself. She laughed at me before settling her head on top of Gil's arm, gripping her bicep and asking what game she was playing.
Ugh. Cute couples disgusted me.
I really hoped that Alice and I would be one of the infamous "cute couples" that everyone groaned about and wanted to throw up on. I smiled at the thought as I read through the recital program brochure, thinking about kissing Alice and holding her close.