Untitled

My Mind

I am my own worst enemy
my own greatest fear
I distract myself
with laughs from friends
and pixelated images
capturing other lives
and notes and rythems
that consume my mind
but as soon as i think
i run and hide.

I am my own weakness
my own reason for staying in bed
when I can't pull myself out
i just lay slave to my mind
and the slow ticking clock
of passing time

I am my toughest critic
impossible to please
all the judgements in fine print
are magnified to horrific size
i blame the people around me
but I am doing the damage
when i look at reality

I am my own worst nightmare
my own personal horror movie
sleeping alone is can't be done
because when i lay awake at night
I'm not afraid of the monster under my bed
nearly as much
as the one in my head

I am my own heart break
my own personal rejection letter
from the departments of my achievements
my body, my personality
and my future
I am a human, i need affection
because as hard as i try
all i face in my mind is rejection

No one in the world
is holding me back except for myself
encouragement from friends
loving and kind
and brutal disfigured
in the depths of my mind
because I am
my worst enemy
my greatest fear
my own weakness
my reason for staying in bed
my toughest critic
who is impossible to please
my own worst nightmare
my personal horror movie
my own heart break
my personal rejection letter;
and no matter how long it takes,

I am going to get better.

I am done
listening to the lies that my mind
whispers in my ears every time
someone says i have a pretty face
or a nice laugh
or a kind heart
because my mind can't handle it
so I can't accept
there is a possibility that
I do have a pretty face
I do have a nice laugh
I do have a kind heart
and I forget
that my mind can be brutal
and I should escape once in a while
to a place where i can laugh and smile
outside
of the twisted
manupulative
place that is my mind.