Untitled

New

Wow I haven't written in forever. But I need to get this out of my system so bad.
So this Friday I am going to my friend's sweet 16, and i was really exited because my best guy friend is going and I was going to get to Hang out with him, and them I realized that his girlfriend is going.
So much for that.
Let me explain a little further.
This guy friend, who will go unnamed like everyone else in this story/journal/whatever it is, has been my best friend since we were three years old. He is my rock, seriously. We drifted apart a little in 5th-6th grade because we were in different school programs (ID versus contemporary) but we got close again when he dated one of my best friends, and it reminded me why I love hanging out with him.
My best friends and this guy had a horrible relationship, not abusive or anything but it was just poison. He was in love with her, he treated her amazing, but she didn't even blink an eye. They didn't even act like they were dating because she wasn't comfortable with that, and he would always confide in me when things were going wrong. It was a bit of a final straw when he invited her to go see a play at our districts high school and she made up some excuse not to go. He was so angry, rightfully so. We were friends so he invited me instead (It was a really good play by the way). But during intermission, something weird happened. His friend Cameron came up and started teasing him about something I didn't know and I realized it.
He liked me. Shit.
I didn't say anything, but it was so obvious! How in the world did I miss it?
Whatever.
Later that week, we all went to my other friends party. There was a campfire, a pool and lots of piano playing and singing (we are such music nerds). We were all having so much fun, except for my guy friend and the girl. I didn't understand what was wrong, they broke up for a reason. But we kinda just ignored it. That was Friday night.
On Saturday night, everything changed.
Another party, my friends birthday party was what we were doing. Another campfire, movies in her basement. Pew were watching the funniest movie and cracking up every two seconds. But this guy and this girl were sitting awkwardly on the same couch. I announced, "I have to go to the bathroom." I got up, and my guy friend immediately took my seat.
"If you aren't out of my seat by the time I get back down, I'm sitting on you."
"Okay."
When I got back down, duh, he was still in my seat. Of corse I followed up with my promise and sat in the same seat. We stayed like this for a while, but he eventually got up and took his place back on the couch. I don't know exactly when she ended up on his lap with her head cuddled into his shoulder, but somehow it happened.
They got back together the next day.
Since I was spending the rest of the weekend with her, we got into her backyard trampoline and talked while tanning in our bikini tops and short shorts. She told me that she had been so unhappy without him, that she needed him back. I smiled and told her I was happy for her, and I was. But I was also so worried for him, that she would go right back to treating him like dirt. I made her promise she would be better and they officially got back together. Everything was better with him and her for a month or two, but then it suddenly wasn't again. I told again and again that she didn't deserve him, and he didn't deserve to be treated the way he was, but he kept trying, until my birthday, late July. She wasn't at my party, she got in trouble, but he was there. Everyone told hi to end it, this had been going on way too long. He agreed and said he would later that night. Now that that was set, we started playing truth or dare and carried on for hours. Everyone dared him to kiss me on he cheek, he did.
When he kissed me I knew he still liked me.
After he broke up with her, we were spending more time together, but I still didn't feel the same way as he did. He was so nice, but I had been friends with him for so long and I didn't want anything to change. It started to get kind of uncomfortable, but we still hung out. He dated his friend faith for a couple weeks, but she broke up with him. He had the worst luck with girls.
During the fall and the winter, our little group was insuperable. We hung out every chance we got. But I was getting closer with my other guy friend. It might have looked a certain way, but he had just come out to me as gay and I was helping him through it. No one knew that of corse, so my guy friend kinda thought that we were dating. He started telling other people that he was angry with me, and I confronted him, he said I was being mean. I teased him sometimes, but so did everyone else (just to clarity, I know this didn't make that okay but continuing on). I told him I loved him and that he should know I was just joking, and that if he had a problem with me he should talk to me and not anyone else. He agreed and promised he would.
However, we had this conversation about 10 times in the next couple months. I was getting pretty fed up with him complaining. But the problem was, he is extremely self-deprecating so me and everyone else had to be careful what we said. We didn't want to upset him, but we did confront him. He didn't take it that we'll, but he did understand what we were saying. Things started to get better, he slept over on New Years and him, me and all my girlfriends played truth or dare until 4am and had a blast. We continued to be okay for months, leading up into the present. Things are a lot better, but a couple months ago, he started talking to this girl in our geometry class, a sophomore. I encouraged him to go for it and ask her out, but there was a lot of drama. She kissed him at a school dance and them told him she didn't want to be in a relationship. After that, I didn't really trust her. I'm sure she is a very nice person, but she just doesn't seem very invested in the relationship and I am protective of him since we are so close. They started dating a couple months ago, and I am so happy that he found someone that makes him happy, but there is something off about it. She is going to prom with her ex boyfriend.
I know. Don't ask.
She promised that they are just friends, and he believes that but I asked him.
"Are you sure that your not upset about her going to prom with Corey?"
"Of course I am. I'm pissed. But I just have to trust her."
"That's big of you. Don't worry we will all do something fun that night!"
"Yea, totally!"
(Just kidding, I forgot that I'm going to a concert that night, but whatever.)
I think that he deserves someone amazing, and I just don't know if she is that person. But I will support his relationship until the end. However, me and all of the other people in our friend group are kind of just waiting for the end, because ever since he started going out with her, he has been kind of sparse. I really miss him. But since we are both in our schools show choir, I can deal with it. But the other night, something happened that made me realize how much I missed him. Since the winter lasted so long, the pollen in the air is causing me to have horrible allergies, and I get attacks all the time. I was having a particularly bad one at show choir, and I hid out in the bathroom for a while until my friend came to get me. Since we are just freshman, we don't have huge roles in our play, so we have plenty of free time in rehearsals. But we were needed at the moment. She walked me backstage because I was having some trouble seeing. We were waiting to go on, and my ex boyfriend came up and stood next to me.
"Hi cooper, do you need something?"
Guy friend- "cooper, stop being creepy."
Me- *laughs*
I turned to him and he just hugged me. I hugged him back. We didn't need any words, he just knew I was struggling and he knew how to make me feel better, so I just buried my face in his stomach (he is a lot taller then me), and we just hugged for a long time.
He gives the best hugs.
Then cooper joined our hug.
Guy friend- "way to ruin the moment cooper."
I don't know how to tell him how much I care about him, and all I want to do is let him know and hug him forever.
So this guy doesn't have a wattpad, so he won't read this, and I don't really want him to, but if by some weird twist of fate he does read it, I have something to say to him.
Dear Xander/Alexander/Alex/Vietnajesus (so much for nameless, don't ask)
I first just wanted to apologize for anything I said this winter that might have hurt you, it was not my intention. I was just uncomfortable because I though that you liked me. I knew you did this summer, and that's okay, I kinda liked you too for a while to be honest. I was just scared because you are my best friend in the whole world and I can't lose you ever, never. I am so happy that you found someone new, I just want you to be careful because you deserve someone amazing. You are the best person in my life, you are always there for me no matter what, and I want to be there for you too. I hope I am. I hope that I go to collage in California and you go to Washington like we talk about and we meet up every break and hang out and be close as ever. I know we will. You are my brother, I love you so much.