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Reality

Alone. In such a big world, I just so so happen to be completely alone.
Laying in my bed, neck straining just slightly to type the words I am typing.
For no reason, my heart beats at a monumental speed.
I lay, surrender, and let my heartbeat shake my body. Each time i blink feel like I am waking up for the first time again. I stare at the ceiling fan, and I see white and brown streaks from when my sister and her friend put toothpaste and iced tea mix on it during a prank war. I stare at the ceiling and I see the footprints that my feet drew there during long phonecalls with my best friend on my landline. There used to be stars, not glowing up the room but illuminating just enough for me to see what was in front of me. I am getting older, like it or not.
Music spills into my eardrums, beating in melody and harmony, captivating me and dragging me further from my town and friends and family and my world.
My world of exhaustion and stress and drama and greatness and realness. Until the music skips or I realize that the song is almost over, There is no world outside those lyrics and melodies. Thats why I like my music loud, to drown out the whines and screams of reality.
But reality always pertrudes. Thats how how life is. And sometimes that reality is okay, or better then okay.
Sometimes reality fufills every wish my brain has ever whispered to me, although it whispered them quietly, so no one else could hear. I would tell people what my brain whispers, but it seems that my brain must speak in a language that only I understand, and I can't seem to tell its story no matter how much it makes sense to me. Confused looks and disagreements silence me.
But sometimes reality is not what you are looking for. That is how life is. And the older you get, the more you will realize that you need to surrender to reality every now and then.
I know I probably know nothing, I might be young and naive. But I am willing to come into reality and find out what it is like every now and then, because some people seem to think it is worth every ounce of pain. I don't know if that is true for everyone, or me, but I am willing to come into reality to find out. For a while.