Untitled

a note

The reason I am writing this is to remind myself that I can go to bed happy, and to remind myself to make good choices in the future.
One of the really interesting things about teenagers is that we have this invincibility complex, where we seem to think and truly believe that bad things will never happen to us, and that we will live on despite anything. That death is a far far off thing in the future that we don't need to worry about.
In one breath, that is true. In an ideal world, death is a natural part of the cycle of living that will come to us naturally when we have lived out our lives. We had our closure, we accomplished our goals, we grew old.
But in another breath, life is fragile and unpredictable. This is going to sound genuinely dark and terrible, but it is just from an objective point of view (i promise) when i say that there are so many ways that my or anyone else's life could end at this very moment. Genuinely. If i wished to end my life right now, (which i'm stressing to you, if you're reading, i DO NOT wish for this, please don't worry), i absolutely could. with ease.
My life could also end unexpectedly. Without choice. That is just the way this cruel world works. People are stripped away from their friends, jobs, families, passions, loved ones, lives, every single day, hell, even minute on this earth. And I think as a teenager, with this invincibility complex, I would like to believe that this is what i hear in the news, about other people in other towns in other states, something disconnected. It would never happen to my friends, my family, or god forbid, me. I am invincible.
Well, it's really important to accept that this is not at all true.
I am a human being. I am a human girl. I have a body, i am organic, I breath, I speak, I swallow, i live.
And yet in the next moment, i could be not
living.
is this is scary though? sure. but it's like being in the same room as a bee. It can bug you, it can scare you, it can make you paranoid and afraid, but if you simply continue on, and don't mess with it too much, it won't mess with you.
I don't know if this simile makes much sense. Cause we all will die. but you won't necessarily get stung by a bee if you're in the same room as one. But you understand my point.
Life is about living, not worrying about what is going to happen when it is over. I have 3 concerts coming up in the next couple months (update! i'm super excited!!) I have my junior prom, which i'm very excited for, and i have a beautiful dress for. I am beginning to come into my life and really see the world for what it is.
Now, you may want to ask yourself.
Is
   the
       world
              really
                      all
                         that
                              amazing?
and to that i would answer, yes. A complicated and reluctant yes.
Because look at it this way. we had little to no chance of existing, and yet here we all are. Here  I am, writing this journal entry to console my mind on a monday night when i have done NONE of my homework. And here you are, reading this (if anyone actually does), probably bored or avoiding one of your responsibilities. And to that I say, holy shit. Aren't we so lucky to be alive.
I say this with the utmost seriousness, sincerity and belief.
Life is absolutely beautiful. You just have to catch it in the right light. You just have to know where to look. Because there is beauty all around us. There are always, ALWAYS new opportunities waiting for us. Not just ones that cost money or time, ones that can be accessed by everyone. And i definitely know that by everyone, there is probably someone who cannot experience these joys, whether it being because of a mental situation or physical situation. And that is the cruelest thing that the world can do.
But here are simple, free things that give me, if not joy, then relief of distraction.
Walking outside and feeling a breeze on my bare skin.
A long shower.
Car rides, alone.
A day where i just read a book. Books are actually really cool and a good way to escape, just an FYI.
Seeing an evening light blanket my town.
And those are just a few. Life is filled with beautiful things that are so easy to ignore. And i might have forgotten at this point what this entry was supposed to be about, but that is okay, because another thing that makes me
happy is writing aimlessly. It also makes me tired.
So i will close with this.
Find joy, peace, or relief every chance you get. Never let anyone tell you something you love or something that makes you happy is weird or bad (unless it's like murder or rape idk i meant like comic books or acting ha)
Make good choices, accept that life is fragile, but don't be afraid to live. Make big moves. Create memories. Produce joy at every turn.
Live for the exact moment you are in, it is all that matters at the time. you can worry about the rest later.
.