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silence

love to me, whether platonic or romantic, is the ability to sit in silence with a person for hours. When you first start hanging out with someone, you will always feel this pressure to talk, make conversation, find common ground so you feel more secure in the relationship that is building. Silence is strange, because you aren't learning anything. But I think, in a way, you are. You learn how a person converses; whether they like to talk to to listen, whether they are interested in telling you about themselves or asking you about yourself, whether they smile with their teeth and what their laugh sounds like. The silences that occur when neither of you know what to say are part of the foundation of a conversation, a day, a relationship. When you start spending more and more time with this person, you might realize that the silences stop becoming awkward; that you don't feel the need to jump from one conversation topic to the next, that the words come when there is something you actually need or want to say and that you don't feel strange sitting in silence. you can feel connected and comfortable with a person, like you understand when they don't want to talk. With some people, it takes more work than others to push through the awkwardness of not knowing what to say; with some people, you might find it's too much. But with interesting, funny, sweet people that you connect with when it is not silent, there is a good chance that the silence will stop being a bad thing. When you can sit in silence for hours, studying, or painting your nails, or doing chores, and not feel strange, that is love. That is the point when you feel connected enough to a person where words aren't necessary. Where you can just feel the other person's presence and know that they feel yours too. Where you can say weird shit out of the blue and it will spark a real conversation instead of a strange look. Sometimes when I am in a group of friends, they will all talk and i'll just stop for a second and think about the connection i have with these people. We've been through the silences, the tension, the anger, the arguments, the forced conversation; and we've come out of all of it to a place where we can simply be. Where you can sit at a table in a restaurant and eat without talking, where conversation flows naturally when it needs to, because we know when those moments are. When you can sit in silence for a while and they won't ask you if you're okay because they know if you are or aren't. At the end of the day, you are the only person who knows exactly what you are thinking and feeling all the time, and that creates a great amount of isolation. Someone you love is someone you feel comfortable sharing these things with; the thoughts, the emotions, the experiences. Someone you can let everything out to and feel them doing the same, so you are more connected as beings. Once this is all past, the connection lasts; you won't feel alone with them in the room like you do with a stranger. Even if you aren't sharing your thoughts, they know the patterns of your thinking. You can be two minds and bodies, completely separate, but completely content in each other. You can feel the bond with these people, and when you are with a newer person you can feel when the walls start to come down. When the silence is natural, the walls are down. But never stop talking all together. There is always something new to learn about the people you love.