This is forever

hold on to me

Myra is making no progess on getting better. She got diagnosed 3 weeks ago, and her body is acting like it got diagnosed 3 months ago. Shes losing her hair, shes losing weight, she looks terrbile. Im trying my hardest to stay strong for sean but this isnt easy for me, every secound i get alone i cry my heart out. i love myra like my own mother, i feel the same way sean does, he lost his grandmother, if he loses his mom ....he will lose himself. Im just scared to see whats to come. I havent seen my babies in a week, i miss them like crazy. Myra is sleeping, sean is sitting by her, brett took his kids in the play area, so its just me and sean.

"Hey baby" i said, "yeah" sean said not even looking at me, "dont you miss the kids?" I asked, "yeah" he said plainly. "Sean what is wrong with you?" I asked getting kindve annoyed. "nothing is wrong with me" sean said finally looking at me, "something. thru out our whole conversation you just now looked at me, you havent toched me or kissed me in a week. Its like you lost your affection, i need affection im hurting to and you wont give it to me!" I said sternly. "Will sorry ari, im kindve not in the mood to be cuddly and lovey duvey my mom is dying and thats all that i care about" sean said sternly with cold eyes. My eyes then got teary, and my heart got heavy, "fine. thats okay, will i think im gonna go home and see the kids" i said grabbing my purse, "what? and just leave me to deal with this on my own?" Sean said, "yeah, im kindve not in the mood to be around an a asswhole" i said kissing myras head and walking out the door. I then went to the bathroom, and right before i was about to take off my pants somebody just barged right in "exu-" i looked up and saw sean standing there looking at me, just staring at me. "what do you want" i said sternly, "im sorry" sean said looking down, "yeah right...get out i dont want to be around you" i said as i started to push him. "no im not gonna get out i dont have to" sean said not moving at all. "sean get out now!!!!!!" I said getting angry, "uh no, neither of us are leaving until we make up and you kiss me" sean said looking at me, "yeah thats not gonna happen" i said, "why not?" Sean said, "because kissing you will be the last thing ill do" i said sternly. "Just fucking kiss me" sean said licking his lips, i then pecked his lips, "ok let me out i kissed you" i said, "that wasnt no kiss" sean said blankly, "um our lips touched it was a kiss" i said, "no this is a kiss" sean said as he grabbed my hips and sat me on the sink as i gasped, he then wrapped my legs around his musceler torso, and grabbed my ass and he kissed me passionatly with those big lips of his. Our lips moved in snyc, he then sucked on my bottom lip for interance as i opened my mouth and stuck my tongue in his mouth. I moaned and he kissed me deeper and more passionate, we then broke the make out. "I love you have a safe flight" sean said helping me down from the counter, he then rubbed my ass, "oh and and i hope your ass dont hurt to bad" sean said smiling as chuckled, "i love you ill be back in a few days keep me updated okay?" I said "okay" sean said as he kissed me passionatly as we left the bathroom, i then said bye to everyone and headed to the airport. I then landed home saftly and i went to my moms.

"Babies im home!!!" I said walking in the door, "mommmmy" ailani said running in my arms, i gave her a kissing attack, "ma ma ma" nohlan said crawling his chuncky butt over to me, "cmon pumpkin you can do it" i said giggling, he then finally made his way over to me and i gave him a kissing attack. "I missed you guys so much" i said holding them both. "Wheres daddy?" Ailani asked, "uhm, hes working he will be home soon baby" i said as my mom approached us. She then made dinner for us, we ate dinner and watched harry potter movies all night. I woke up on my moms couch, with ailani sleeping on my butt, and nohlan sleeping in my arms, with dan & my mom on the other side of the  couch. I looked at the clock, its 4 am. I carried nohlan upstairs and put him in his crib in the room me and sean always stay in, i then put ailani in the bed, i went down stairs and covered my mom & dan up with a blanket and i went upstairs and cuddled ailani, and closed my eyes.

I woke up to ailani playing on my phone the vouloume on full blast. "Aila-" "holy shit you scared me!" Ailani said jumping, i tried my hardest not to laugh, "ailani you dont cuss!" I said pulling her closer to me as i turn down my phone voulume. "Are you hungary?" I asked, "yeah i want pancakes" ailani said, "okay" i said getting up and going in the kitchen to see my mom & dan drinking coffee. "Morning" i said getting the pancake batter down, "morning" my mom & dan said in union. As dan was pouring more coffee, he spilled some on his arm "ahhh holy shit thats hot!!!" Dan said, "heyyy thats where ailani gets it from" i said "what?" Joan said, "this morning i scared ailani and she said holy shit you scared me!" I said trying not to laugh, dan started cracking up banging his hand agaisnt the table, "its not that funny" i said smirking "it is to me" joan said as they both laughed, i just giggled and made pancakes. 

"Mommy are they almost done im starving" ailani said handing me my phone, "yes there done" i said giving her pancakes & juice. I then started to hear nohlan cry, "oh your brothers up" i said going up stairs to get him, "morning pumpkin" i said kissing him, i then changed his diaper and fed him a bottle & some bannas. "Ailani try going potty before we go to the playstore" i said getting nohlan dressed, "okay mommy" ailani said going in the bathroom. I then sat nohlan in his car seat so i can make my protine drink and eat some kiwi. "Im ready" ailani said, "okay give grandma and grandpa kisses" i said, we then stopped by starbucks bc i need a green soy latte. "Mommy can i get a dohnut i love starbucks doghnuts" ailani begged, "sure belmissma" i said also ordering a doghnut. We then made our way to toys r us and letted ailani pick out and toys she wanted, i also picked out some new toys for nohlan. We then went clothes shopping, and we then walked around the park, i pushed them both on the swings as they giggled. I then got a call from sean, "its daddy" i said, "i wanna talk to daddy" ailani begged, "okay here" i said anwsering the phone giving it to ailani. Nohlan starting getting fussy so i fed him a bottle while ailani told sean everything we did today & how her whole week has been going. "Okay can i talk to daddy?" I asked, "yeah mommy wants to talk to you" ailani said handing me the phone.

Me- hi babe
Sean- hey baby i miss you & the kids
me- we miss you too belive me
Sean- so uhhh.. shes not doing better baby
Me- sniffling oh
Sean- the docters say she only haves 48 hours to live. And i uh crying i really want everybody to come here & say bye.
Me- crying okay, uhm we can do that baby. well be there soon, i love you be strong.
Sean- i love you too bye
me- bye .

"Mommy why are you crying?" Ailani asked rubbing my leg. "Because grandma myra is sick baby, and were gonna go see her and daddy okay?" I said currosing her adorable little face, "its okay mommy she will get better. Remember when i was sick and you gave me ice cream and i felt better. Give her icecream mommy shell feel better" ailani said in innocence. "baby, i dont think shell feel better. Shes really sick, shes gonna go to heaven, and shell see grandpa grande" i said, "but i dont want her to go to heaven mommy" ailani said as tears fell off her face. Nothing hurts me more then seeing my daughter cry. "Awhh i know baby, none of us do. but when she goes to heaven she wont be sick anymore, and shell be happy. And i promise, she will be watching you and nohlan everyday. Its gonna be okay baby dont cry, do you wanna bring her icecream and a teddy bear?" i said trying to make my baby feel better, "yeah" ailani said with teary eyes, "okay lets go" i said holding her, as i grabbed nohlan and we left. I called everybody and told them everything, we then stopped by my house and packed some stuff for me ailani & nohlan, and i brought more things for sean. I then locked the house up and made my way to the airport. my mom,dan,nonna, frankie, simon, alexa, saschra, tone, zeno were with me and the kids. Nohlan was sleeping and ailani was carrying the teddy bear for myra, "baby are you hungary?" I asked ailani, "yeah" "do you want a bagel?" I asked her, "yeah" she said looking down, i ordered her a bagel with some water. "Here you gotta eat before we go on the plane baby" i said sitting her on the stool as she ate. We then went on our private jet and ignored the paparazzi. I cried silently while watching ailani just stare at that bear teary eyed, 💔 i think im about to lose it. "Here baby, you wanna play on my phone?" I asked, "yeah" she said she took my phone and started playing her game. I looked out the window, and tried to block out everything the best i could.

We then landed in detroit, ailani was now napping and nohlan was up, i put them both in the stroller and pushed them threw the airport. We then made our way to the hostipal, and i saw myra talking to sean and brett. "Hi" i said as we all walked in, "hey baby" sean said hugging me, as soon as we touched we both started crying, we fell to the ground crying and we couldnt stop. "Just hold on to me" i said as sean held me tighter...this is the hardest thing we could possbily ever do.