5 Seconds Of Summer Imagines |Complete|

Ashton || Maddie

A S H T O N 

The music began to play loudly in my ears, i wanted to ignore the world around me.  Just like they have ignored me all these years. I was stuck between my heart and my mind.  I knew what was best for me but i didn't want it to be the friendship i have slowly began to cherish.  But my mental state, and respect for myself was more important.  Well that is what i hoped anyways. My fingers typed quickly, quick as my mind wanted them to.  But i couldn't bring myself to re-read what i was about to send.  What ever was placed in this message was the honest truth and i just wanted it to be out there. 

The honest truth, the truth that i believe and no one else sees.  I know as soon as it sent that it would spread around the friend group faster than a wildfire. A wildfire that ends lives for people just like this little flame will soon ignite soon ended everything i had grown use to. My situation was different from others that i have been placed in.  I usually either get kicked to the curb or i get what i want.  With this i am left wondering what they want and if i am good enough to be whatever they want.  As the message sent the little grey bubble informed me that i would soon be hearing back from her. 

Her, being the girl that had told me she liked me.  I had offered so many alternatives to what we both weren't ready for. But she didn't know what she wanted, well not than anyways.  A few days after my heart was placed on the line she got a new fuck buddy.  Usually in situations like this it would be someone you didn't know, but i wasn't that lucky.  Her new fuck buddy was one of my friends.  A person i have slowly began to know as well as a person i know a lot about. So i was stuck, stuck with the thought of deciding if i should deal with it or remove myself from the situation completely. 

Days turned into weeks where i tried to be okay with it all.  I tried acting like nothing ever happened and be friends.  Sadly only friends.  But i was avoided, i was avoided like she was avoiding the damn plague. She was avoiding a real thing and just decided to focus on her "needs" more than what she really needs in her life. I literally have heard it out from all of our shared friends.  None of them seem to understand why i feel the way i do or why i did the thing i did. I always seem to do what is best for everyone and never for myself, but this time was different.  I was doing what was best for me.  

I cared for her, i cared for her more than i have cared for anyone after the mistake i made almost a year ago.  She was the new ground i wanted to explore; not in a sexual way.  Well not right off the bat.  I liked her for who she was, not what she could do or what she can give to someone. I wanted to be with her and make her happy.  She seemed to have faced so much sadness, so much hurt was laced in her eyes.  I just wanted to be the one to fix it. But it seems that the only thing that could fix it was my friends dick, and his experience. 

Messages poured in from others, but i only wanted to hear from her. I wanted her to see as well as understand the pain i have felt in everything that has happened. I tried, i tried to be the friend of the group the one that helped out when everyone was falling down. But as i soon began to fall no one was there to help me or pick me up.  I was the leg that held all of them up, the thing they leaned on the most.  But here i was wanting just one of them to defend me, or see that i have been hurt and she is in the wrong. But i knew that wouldn't be it.  I was the fault, i was the bad guy; once again. 

Taking a deep breath i wanted to finally come to terms with it all.  It was my chance to stand up and be there for myself. I was fine with being alone, fine with have me myself and i to depend on.  It was going to be like that for a good while no matter what happens in life.  I will piss more people off the more i realize what literal pieces of shit they are. And no matte how much their true colors shown through i kept going back acting as nothing happened. But getting my heart broke by someone who is my friend as well as apart of my friend group was something that was killing the friendships as well as killing me mentally. 

Unlocking my phone i decided there was no time like the present.  I needed to face the fear of it all.  But looking at her name there was no proof of her reply.  My message was the last thing that was sent in the chat.  As i look over the white words placed in a blue bubble i didn't regret them.  I just wish she would have responded or even just sent the emoji flipping me off. But there was nothing, the only sign that she had acknowledged me was the little thing placed under the bubble. Read at 5:14pm. The last thing she will ever see from me was a simple text that read:

I can't be friends with you Maddie.