It's About Time (GMW - Joshaya)

Chapter 30

Maya's POV

"Are you mad Zay?" I really didn't wanna hear the answer. After everything that just happened with Josh last night at dinner with that waitress girl and reminiscing about what happened in Disney, I couldn't lose something else. Zay was my best friend. I really needed him.

"No. But confused? A little hurt? Yea," he looked down.

I grabbed his hand, "I'm so sorry Zay. Let me just explain it all. I know it was wrong."

"Okay," he squeezed my hand harder to reassure me that it was okay.

"So disclaimer, Josh and I did use a condom. We weren't stupid. We just really had some poor luck or shitty condoms."

"Maybe shitty condoms if you bought them at Disney. As awesome as that place is, it likes it's money and shitty birth control equals more pregnancies. More pregnancies equal more babies. More babies equals more visitors at the park. It's all really genius," he smiled.

I laughed, but proceeded to talk, "As I told you last night, we had sex in Disney. Then, we got into that huge fight and he moved to Florida. It was about two week later that I started to get worried. I was over a week late and something just felt weird, off. I began to feel some symptoms within the next. I was tired, experiencing morning sickness, the whole charade. I really was putting it off, I was scared and still angry about what happened."

"Okay. I'm gonna let you finish, but please tell me one thing and be honest. Did I ever mean anything to you? Or was I a cover up? Or even a safety net?"

I could see the pain in his eyes.

"Zay. Don't ever question that. Our relationship was about us. Nothing else. You asked me out on a date and I said yes because I wanted to. Yes, I still had feelings for Josh and it was wrong of me not to tell you, but I did not know about the baby at this point. I said yes because in that month since Disney, we grew even closer and I knew the type of guy you are. You are the type of guy that any girl would be lucky to have. And I figured that maybe it wasn't so irrational that we could be a thing, and if it didn't work out you were amazing and mature enough to stay friends. And what do you know? I was right. You are amazing Zay. We just didn't work out in a relationship." At this point, I'm not even sure if any of my words were forming sentences that made sense.

"Sorry...if I sounded a little harsh. I just needed to know. But I want you to know, that I'll always be there for you, Maya. I will never stop being your friend," he spoke.

"Thanks Zay. I want you to know that I'll always be there for you too and I couldn't stop being your friend even if I wanted to.

"Anyways...continue. I didn't mean to get all Kanye on you, T-Swift."

"Please don't ever call me T-Swift again," I laughed.

"Fine. Proceed before Lucas comes back," he looked at the clock.

"Anyways, so by the time we went on our first date, I was about a month pregnant, but I didn't have confirmation yet. I was in denial. The night of our second date was actually the night I found out. I took like three difference pregnancy tests, and they all came back positive. I was a mess."

"But you wanted to keep it," he looked confused. "I mean the baby."

"Well yea, and I never doubted that. But when I first found out, I was naturally devastated. I couldn't understand. I was mad at Josh and myself. I didn't even know how I was going to explain any of this. To you. To Riley. To my family. To his family. To our friends. And then we slept together. And it was even more of a mess. I was screwing up left and right."

"No offense Maya. But I think when the baby popped out a month early and well...didn't exactly look like me, everyone was gonna be a little skeptical."

"I planned on telling you about everything with Josh. But first, I wanted to tell you about the baby. But when I did, you totally freaked. You told me to get an abortion. No question."

"I'm sorry about that still. I was spooked. And I told you that my dad was going to kill me and disown me. Which as that might be true, I was a dick and wrong. I wasn't supportive. I'm sorry I put you through hell." I could tell he was sincere.

"I know. But anyways. I never got to the Josh part because we got into the fight and I was so pissed at you and I got all hormonal and protective over my baby."

"God. Maya. I'm sorry if I made you think that you couldn't do it and shouldn't do it."

"You didn't."

"Did you ever tell Josh? Is that why you got the abortion?"

"Well that's the thing...I never got an abortion," I swallowed hard. I have never said any of this aloud before.

"Now I know you're a skinny minnie Maya, but I think I would've noticed your big belly if you didn't get an abortion."

"Exactly," tears began to accumulate in my eyes, until they started to drip.

"What?" I could tell he was even more confused.

"I never told him. And I had a miscarriage Zay. It was a little while after I told you. I was about 3 months. So I was almost starting to show and I was going to have to tell everyone and come clean. And then it happened. And I figured it was best to just say that I gave in and agreed with what you said. And then no more talk about it," I was full on crying now. As if I hadn't already done enough crying for the year. 

"Maya," he tried to find the words.

"It's okay Zay. It's done. It's happened."

"You do realize that Riley told him you were pregnant with my baby right?"

I was a annoyed, but it doesn't surprise me, "And I feel guilty for never telling him. But it's over. And not by choice. So I figured it would be better for me, and quite frankly him, to just leave it alone."

He rubbed a hand on my back, "I'm sorry that you've felt that you had to keep this in."

Just then, I heard keys dangling by the door. I quickly hugged Zay and thanked him. "I'm gonna clean up in the bathroom so that Lucas doesn't press too much when he sees me. Keep it vague." The key jiggled in the door. I ran to the bathroom as fast as possible. 

I fixed my messy face that had tons of smudged makeup again. I looked exhausted. I waited another minute until the redness in my face subsided. Now i just looked more tired than anything.

I walked back into the kitchen, "Hey Lucas."

"Hey Maya. How's it going?" 

"Good. But actually, I was just about to head out. I'm sure I'll see you at some point later though," I topped an imaginary hat to Lucas. "And Zay, thanks for letting me stay here and for breakfast. Maybe I'll see you guys later? We can all hang out? Like old times? I'll text Farkle and Smackle."

"Yea maybe we can even invite everyone else. Julian, McKenzie, Noah, Shailene, Ryan, and Josh. It'll be fun," Lucas stupidly suggested. 

"Yea maybe. I'll see you guys later. Bye!" I tried to sound chipper.