It's About Time (GMW - Joshaya)

Chapter 45

Riley's POV

"So I think we have gotten everything on the list that we can do before we run out of time," I slid the box of old mementos back into my closet with my foot. Turning back to face Farkle and Zay, I gently threw the Barbie and Ken dolls, along with my 7th grade school picture and an old participant's soccer trophy into our pile of stuff on the bed.

"Everything except for the friendship questions that is," Zay pointed out.

"Right, that..." Farkle crossed the last few items we found of the list with the pen in his hand and didn't look up from the paper.

"You okay there genius boy?" Zay raised an eyebrow. 

"Yea, let's uhh-- let's just get started," he shifted nervously in his seat. "Uhh, Riley so insecurities, what's your biggest one?"

"Well, I think I'll always be the most insecure about what people think of me in general. I was always proud to be 'Smiley Riley' because it was a good thing--a great thing, until it wasn't. Until people started to mock me for it. Until people started to dislike me for it because it was 'annoying.' And finally, I've learned to be proud of 'Smiley Riley' again, but it still creeps up on me and bothers me from time to time."

"I think I speak for both of us when I say that we love 'Smiley Riley' just the way she is and anybody else's opinion doesn't matter," Farkle smiled at me in reassurance.

"Yea I mean what's my sugar cube without the sugar in her that makes her so sweet," Zay winked and plastered a smirk on his face. "And on that note, it's Farkle's turn."

"Okay fine. Please don't take this the wrong way. But I'm insecure about friends," he twirled the pen around in his hand.

"What do you mean?" I was genuinely worried. He never seemed worried about our friendship. Me, him, and Maya had been best friends since we were six. I don't think anything has changed that.

"More specifically. I'm jealous of y--forget it."

"Come on, man you can tell us," Zay encouraged him to proceed.

"Zay, I'm jealous of the friendship between you and Lucas," he blurted out. "It sounds stupid, but you guys have been friends forever."

"Farkle, you know that Lucas loves you. You are his best friend too," Zay said.

"It's not just Lucas. It's you, too. Like I love the dynamic you guys have. You've been friends your whole life. And I just wish I had that with both of you. You're both my best friends."

"Hey!" I pretended to be offended.

"You know you and Maya are my best friends too," he gave me a look.

"Look, your friendships with me and Lucas separately and all of us together might be different from mine and Lucas's, but that doesn't mean it's lesser. I remember back when I first came to New York, he was telling me about all of you. And he has never spoken higher of a friend than of you. He said you were smart, funny, honest, loyal, etc. I would even joke that he was cheating on me with you," Zay laughed. "But he wasn't. A person can have more than one best friend--I like to think of us more as a squad. Without one member of the squad, it's not the same...everyone brings something different. And I'm glad he became friends with you because it gave me the chance to meet you. You're my best friend Farkle and I know you are Lucas's best friend too. It's no accident or pity invite that brought you here tonight. So don't doubt it. In a squad of best friends, there are no favorites, it's just a different dynamic amongst different people. And like I said, different doesn't men lesser."

Farkle bunched his lips together and then spoke, "Yea, I guess you're right. We are the 'Clique Six.' I've been jealous, but I haven't really realized the different dynamics and subgroups in our big group and how that's not necessarily a bad thing. I mean I don't love Riley and Maya anymore than I love you and Lucas or Smackle. It's just different."

"Zay?" I awkwardly transitioned.

"What?" he answered.

"Your insecurity?" I clarified.

"Oh, yea...ummm well, when you're this perfect. You don't have any insecurities. It kinda comes with the territory," he joked.

"Zay," I gave him a look. "Be serious, we won't judge you."

"My hair," he said shyly.

"But it's so cute; it's so rough and rugged," I said in shock. I really did have some weird liking to rough hair. There was just something about it. "Ya know my dad has rough hair too. He used to call it a brillopad."

"So he feels my pain," he frowned.

"I mean sure, you can't style it or run your fingers through it like me," Farkle said going through the movements with his own hair. "but it has it's own style and some people really like it. I personally think it looks tough."

"I like it. It's kind of sexy on a guy, but don't tell Lucas that," I admitted.

"Well, I sure don't want Lucas being jealous of my hair," Zay humored. "I'll end up like that kid back in Texas."

"We never did hear the full story of that," Farkle realized.

"I did," I giggled at my insider information.

"No fair. I'm the only one who doesn't know just because I wasn't there and I don't make out with him," Farkle pouted.

"Hmmm...I think its more than the kissing that got Lucas to tell her," Zay nudged him. 

"Eww, gross. Stop. Let's just talk about fears. I don't need you guys picturing what Lucas and I do," I covered my eyes in embarrassment.

"Yea I don't really wanna picture that either. So Riley...what's your biggest fear?" Farkle asked me.

"That's easy. Losing all of you guys a my friends. I wouldn't be where I am today without you guys. You have always made sure that I felt included, loved, important, happy, all that stuff. I just can't imagine my life without any of you guys and I don't ever wanna find out."

"You won't, right Zay?" Farkle looked to him for back-up.

"Uhh, yea right," Zay said with delay, as if he was distracted by something else.

"There isn't a reason I should be worried about this...is there?" I was even more afraid now. Before I mentioned it, it was just a back-burner fear, but now Zay looked like he knew something. Something that would affect the group's friendship.

"No. I hope not," Zay stretched as he said this. He always stretched when he was nervous--it was just a habit of his. "Anyways, my biggest fear is being ordinary. There is so much that I can be doing to make an impact on the world and I haven't made any positive significant difference. I don't want to live my whole life without amounting to something..something that has made a difference. And this isn't to feel good about myself. I just want to know that I did my part in this world. That I didn't just exist without changing anything for the better."

"People change people Zay," I began. "God, I sound like my dad," I interrupted my own words. "Anyways, people change people. Just by being a good person everyday, you're making a difference because you'll change the people around you, and thus, begins the exponential growth of goodness. And that is all because of you, and others who do the same."

"And besides," Farkle added. "If you want to make a noticeable difference in this world, you can do it. You have plenty of life left to live, but don't procrastinate. Start today. Do what you want to do for this world starting today. And to me, any positive difference is a big difference in this world."

Zay took a sip of water from his water bottle and nodded. "Yea, I might just do that," he said vaguely. 

I wasn't really sure what he meant by that, but I believed in Zay to know that I would find out some day.

"Your turn Farkle," I turned the conversation over to him.

"So, my fear and my secret kind of go together. So I'll start with me fear and then go right into my secret," he tucked the pen behind his ear and began to talk. "My biggest fear is that she will say no."

***Authors Note: Ahh I have been slacking hard core. I apologize. I'm gonna keep writing but tell me who you think she is and what you think she is going to say no to. Also, how are you guys liking the story. Let me know below! love you guys!