It's About Time (GMW - Joshaya)

Chapter 36

Josh's POV

Maya hasn't talked to me since last night. I was such a fucking idiot on so many levels. I should've told her about the waitress that hit on me. I should've told her how I felt about her, like really felt. I shouldn't have let her go. I shouldn't have called her childish or let her go to bed thinking that she was the problem.

Sure, I wish she was a little more understanding and gave me a chance to explain, but I get it. I've already broken her heart and she already had trust issues. I messed up with my poor judgement.

God, and I was such a dick last night about the Zay thing; it just drives me insane to know that not only were they a thing right after we ended, but she was also pregnant with his child. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't know that I know that. It's just that I can't imagine my life without Maya and I would never want to live my life without her. 

But I know that I gotta give her some space now. Maya runs from clingy. She runs from emotion. She runs from commitment. And unfortunately I'm a Matthews, so emotion and commitment runs deep in my blood. I wasn't always that way though. I mean it has always been inside of me, but I used to put up this façade. I think it's the same thing with Maya. She puts up this wall and it takes a lot to fully break it down. 

For me though, it took a lot more than just deciding to beak down my walls: it took Feeny and Cory. Which I guess at this point, they were almost one in the same. They are so alike, yet so different at the same time. Regardless of that though, it took the two of them to break down my wall.

Josh's POV Flashback (the time in between season 2 and 3 of GMW)

I was sitting in my backyard with my date. It was my third one that week. I wouldn't say that I was a player, but I definitely didn't treat girls the way I should've. We went to Chubbie's that night with Noah and Shailene. Naturally, being the wonderfully dysfunctional couple that they are and always have been, they got into a fight. It was kind of a mood killer for a while, but my date and I got to go shoot some pool alone. She was a really nice girl, don't get me wrong. I taught her how to shoot pool and then we got to play some other kids there. We were undefeated at the table; it was a fun night. But there really was no connection. 

We went back to my place for a while to hang out while we waited for her friend to pick her up. I offered to drive her home, but she was going out with her friend to the Boom Boom Room (a local dance club) and her friend said she would pick her up on the way. She invited me to go with her. However, dancing is not really my thing. So after almost 45 minutes of trying to find something to say to each other, her friend texted her that she was out front.

I leaned in to give her a goodnight kiss and she pulled away, "There's not gonna be a second date is there?"

I shook my head, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, really," she kissed my cheek. "Bye Josh." And she walked away.

It wasn't okay though. To be fair, she ended up hooking up with some kid from school at the club and then dating him throughout college, but it wasn't fair to anyone. And I knew that.

I back down on the couch and sighed. 

A head popped up from behind the white picket fence, "So Mr. Matthews."

"How much of that did you see?" I winced and put my head in my hands.

"Oh me? Yea, I just about saw everything," Mr. Feeny took off his gardening gloves.

"It's like you're God or something," I said in joking disgust.

"Nothing quite like that," he began. "But Josh, if there is something that I have learned from my keen observation skills, it's that you can learn a lot about something just by watching it. Everyday and night, I come out here and garden. It's therapeutic for me. But that is not the only reason why I like it. It's no surprise to you that I never had kids. But these flowers are sort of like my kids in a way. I nurture them and watch them flourish. Throughout the process, I must watch them. It's more than just watching them though, I have to listen to them. If they stop growing, I must listen and learn about what's going to help them flourish next. And if you watch closely, you might just figure something out about the flower. For example, my geraniums like to have a moist soil, not a drenched soil. People are the same way. And Josh, I think that you have that quality too."