It's About Time (GMW - Joshaya)

Chapter 76

Josh's POV

"I-I know we briefly talked about us before but I really do feel like I need to just put it all out there in order for us to move forward," I tripped over my words a little as I nervously avoided her eye contact.

Maya nodded her head for me to continue.

"So like I said earlier, we were once friends. And I think that tonight was a pretty good reminder of that. Don't you?" I panned up to read her expression.

"Yea, I guess you're right," she sipped slowly on her drink now.

"Well, I want you to know that our friendship is one of the most important things to me. And maybe we've just kind of been skipping a step. Or maybe we are just better off as friends..." my voice trailed, knowing that the second part wasn't true. I mean it couldn't be true. "But our friendship is important. I want you to be able to trust me again. I want you to be able to lean on me. And to count on me not to leave or give up when things get hard. I know it's not gonna. come easy or right away, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove that to you." 

I was unaware of when I had resumed rubbing her leg with my thumb, but it seemed to be calming my nerves.

"I'm sorry for leaving," I finally conceded. "I'm sorry for being an asshole and not explaining, or trying to make it work, or asking you to come with me. I'm sorry for coming back here acting like I was all entitled. "And I'm sorry for being pushy and acting like I was completely innocent. I may not have been interested in that girl in AC, but I didn't exactly tell you about it. And I didn't give you a chance to process your feelings. I'm sorry for letting you down. I was ignorant and immature. I'm sorry I didn't give you a reason to believe in me. In us."

This was the first time I was saying all of this out loud. Sure, I had told McKenzie and Lucas some of this, but I never quite said it to this extent. She was silent, unsure of how to respond to my proclamation, but it didn't matter, because I wasn't done.

"I want to be friends Maya. I would rather have you in my life, than not have you in my life because I'm being too ignorant and proud," I paused unsure if I should say the next part. "I'm in it for the long game Maya, I'm not going anywhere. You can live your life, but my life, it's right here. It's with you," my voice was filled with longing. I really hope she understood how much I mean that.

"Are you done?" she smiled up at me, making my heart skip a few beats.

"Not really, but my apologies could go on for days," I smiled weakly back at her.

"It's my turn now," she stated simply.