Let's Not Talk About Tomorow

Ben

"So how about it?" I asked hopefully. Jon shook his head and hugged his knees "Why not?"

"I'm not ready" Jon said "I'm not ready, Ben"

"I think it'll be great for us and our relationship and especially you" I pointed out "Give you another reason to stick around"

"No, Ben. No"

"Jon, I love you to pieces but why can't we do things I want for a change? It's not fair, baby"

"Life isn't fair" He snapped

"Why are you so against it?!" I cried

"BECAUSE I CAN'T BE A DAD, BEN!" He yelled

"Yes you can, you were absolutely smitten with him. He understands you in a way, Jon. I think he's perfect for us. Why can't you just try for me? I've always wanted to be a dad, Jon, please try for me"

"What happens if it doesn't work? The kid's already lost his real parents!"

"It will work out! Just trust me!"

"WHAT HAPPENS IF I HAVE A FIT AND THE KID'S ON THE RECEIVING END?"

"That won't happen, I'll make sure of it" I said firmly

"You can't promise that" He stood up "I'm going to bed" He waited for me to join him

"Go then" I said coldly

"Come on then"

"I'm not coming with you"

"B-but-"

"But nothing"

"Fine, I don't need you anyway" He flounced out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

I didn't move from the spot I was sat in. I just wanted to be alone for once. Hours ticked by, I had to remind myself to blink so my eyes wouldn't dry out. Not that they would at the rate of the tears I was producing. I hugged my knees to my chest and wept. I couldn't help but wonder if Jon was okay. He'll come to me if he needs me, right? All my worries concerning Jon were instantly put at ease when the living-room door opened and Jon hesitantly walked over to me.

"Ben?" I didn't make any sign to acknowledge his presence "Ben, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry"

"I just want a family, Jon" I said in a ragged voice "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing" Jon whispered "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking selfish. I'm just scared I'll do everything wrong. I'm scared of not being there if he needs me"

"No one's ready to be a parent, Jon" I said softly "Just have a bit of self-belief, you're so much stronger than what you think" I tilted my head to look at him, he'd been crying too. "I'm sorry too"

"It's okay" I put my arm around him and he snuggled into me " Ithink we should do it"

"Are you sure? I don't want you to just say that because I want to"

"I've thought about it a lot, you're right, it could be good for us. Its going to push me out of my comfort zone a lot which is good and you get to be the dad you've always dreamed of being. Like you said, Jake is perfect"

"Are you 1000% sure?"

"Yes" He smiled "I'm so sure"

I cheered and hugged him tightly, grinning widely.

"I'm gonna be a dad!" I shouted "I'm gonna be a dad!" Jon chuckled and kissed my cheek "We're gonna be dads!"

"Yes, yes we are!" We kissed for a long time. I have never been happier. Finally, Jake is going to have a place to call home! I'm going to be a dad! "I love you!"

"I love you too" Jon kissed me again "You should probably give Jake's carer a call"

"Babe, it's like 3am" I reminded him "I'll do it in the morning, lets go to bed"

"Ben, I think I'm going to need some pills" Jon said quietly

"Hey, don't be ashamed of yourself" I lifted up his chin "It's fine, baby, lets get you some pills" I kissed him and picked him up, carrying him into the kitchen. I poured him a glass of water from the filter jug in the fridge and slid it across the kitchen island to him. Then I popped one sleeping tablet out of its packaging and handed it to him before putting the pills away again. Quickly, he swallowed it and gulped down the rest of his water.

 He fell asleep in my arms before we even made it to the bed. He looked so young and vulnerable, I just wanted to hold him, protect him and never let him go. I lay him down on the bed and undressed him so he was wearing nothing but his baby pink panties. I slipped out of my own clothes and tucked Jon into bed before joining him. Despite the fact he was completely out of it, he seemed to know where I was and wrapped himself around me. I pressed a kiss to his forehead and fell into a deep slumber.