Let's Not Talk About Tomorow

Jon

The cold water soaked my skin, chilling me to the bone. I didn't adjust the temperature, the colder it was the better. I squirted an unnecessary amount of body wash on my hand and rubbed them together til they were bubbling with soap. Desperately, I scrubbed and scrubbed at my skin. I wanted my scars to disappear. I didn't want to be me anymore! My skin broke in a few places and started to bleed, feebly. I scrubbed harder, maybe I could clean the bad out of me. Maybe I could wash away Jon Holmes. I heard the bathroom door click open, I crumbled to the bottom of the bathroom tub and hugged my knees to my chest protectively.

"Jon, baby, I'm sorry" Ben pulled back the shower curtain and switched off the shower. He took a towel out of the basket beside the tub and picked me up, wrapping me in the warmth and softness. I rested my head against his chest and sobbed. I can't wash myself away. I can't do anything. "Jon?"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" I shrieked, punching him for good measure

"Princess" He corrected "Will you please be quiet? I don't want you to wake up Jake" He kissed me gently "Princess, you're so cold and you're bleeding" I shrugged, running my tongue over my teeth. Ben's blood still lingered in my mouth. I glanced up at his shoulder, which was still bleeding. Gently, I wiped a trickle of blood from it. I marveled at how it dripped down my finger. I waited until he wasn't looking and gingerly licked my finger. It was bitter and metallic but it still had something else that made it almost bittersweet. I still didn't understand why Ben found it sexually arousing but it was a start.

Ben carried me back to bed, pulling off my towel as we lay down and ran his fingers up and down the joints in my spine in a soothing matter. I shivered, so he pulled me closer to him, our bodies were pressed flush against each other. He was still sticky from now cold cum that decorated his torso. I rested my hand over the bite mark on his shoulder. The feeling of his warm, blood seeping through my fingers was comforting somehow. It reminded me that he to was human and he had suffered in his life and that Ben needed to be cared for just as much as I did.

I knew that I wasn't the only thing Ben lost sleep over. He had bad dreams too. The main reason that he wanted a family so bad and that he was willing to sacrifice anything to maintain it was because he'd lost his family. He lost his parents and his grandparents and he may as well count his sister in that too. His brother is a psychopath, everyone who was supposed to be there for him wasn't there. He just wanted to be loved and to give his love to others. I don't appreciate what he did for us enough. He was so scared to lose us. I draped my leg over his.

"I love you, Benny" I said loudly "I really, really fucking love you"

"Shhh" He smiled "Keep your voice down but I love you too, more than you could imagine"

"I'm never leaving you, I promise" I kissed his jaw because I couldn't reach his lips in our position.

"Princess, is something wrong?" He frowned "Other than what upset you earlier?"

"I know you're scared, Benny" I said softy. He stiffened slightly

"Of what, baby?"

"Losing me and Jake, we're all you have left" He smiled sadly and kissed my forehead "I know I'm not the only reason you don't get enough sleep. I still have nightmares about it too, you know. I can still feel the heat of the bullet skimming through my hair and I can still remember every single detail about-"

"Stop!" He interrupted "Please, just stop" He pushed me away and rolled over, curling up into a ball

"No, Ben. You need to talk about it"