Let's Not Talk About Tomorow

Jon

"Benny, Jake's in the kitchen" I gasped as he sucked harshly on the side of my neck. Instead of responding, he simply dug his teeth into the same spot. I mewled and struggled to find purchase on the back of his shirt. Suddenly he stopped and looked up at me.

"I'm sorry-" He started to say

"What?" I interrupted "Please carry on"

"You wasn't crying?"

"No"

"I swear I heard crying" He frowned. I clamped my hand over his mouth and cocked my head in the diretion of the kitchen. "Is that-"

"Jake" We said in unison

"I'll go" I pushed him off me.

"Before you do, can we have fun tonight?" He asked pleadingly. I nodded, leaning down to kiss him.

I slipped into the kitchen, Jake was crying over his cottage pie. I noticed he'd eaten a few forkfuls but that was all. I jumped up onto the stool beside him that were slightly too tall for me. He flinched when I touched him.

"Jakey, what's wrong?" I asked softly.

"I'm sick of not being to eat, Papa. I want to eat but I can't! I worked so hard to be skinny and I can't stop myself from thinking that I'll be obese or something if I eat! I don't even know if I want to be skinny anymore because that's all people seem to care about. I hate the word 'skinny' too. I just want to be normal again, why is that too much to ask?!" He sobbed. I rubbed his back soothingly.

"You and me both" I sighed "I haven't eaten either so lets try something. One for me, one for you"

I scooped up a forkful of food and slipped it into his mouth before doing the same for myself. I repeated this process until the plate was empty. Jake was beaming, a real and genuine smile curved his lips upwards into a grin that reached his bright, twinkly eyes. I reached over to kiss his pinkened cheeks. I was so proud to call him my son, he is such a beautiful human and despite all his struggles, he's always come out stronger. I love him so much. I wish I could be a better dad for him. He deserves more and I can't give it to him. I stroked his cheek softly, he shuddered slightly as my thumb made contact with his scars. It was only when I noticed his mouth was moving that I realised he was speaking to me.

"What was that?" I asked "I zoned out"

"I noticed" He chuckled "I said thank you"

"Oh, well, you're welcome. Wait... what are you thankful for?"

"I don't know exactly, just you in general. You're a great dad and I'm so lucky to have you. I love you, Papa" I blushed and smiled back at him

"I love you so much, Jake, but I know I could be a better dad for you. You deserve more than I could ever give you"

"I don't want better, I just want you" He slipped off his stool and wrapped me up in his arms. I broke out into tears, clinging to the front of his shirt "Papa, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Jake" I mumbled into his chest "Just stop growing, you'e too tall. You're growing up too fast, you're not my little boy anymore. Soon you won't even need us"

"Papa, don't say things like that. I'll always need you and Dad" He rested his chin on top of my head

I hope so