Let's Not Talk About Tomorow

Jon

Nervously, Jake tapped his foot on the ground in a repetitive manner. Reaching over, I held his leg down so he couldn't move it anymore. He smiled apologetically and opted to fiddle with his fingers instead.Finally, Jake's name was called.

"Do you want me to stay here?" I asked softly. I hated the thought of being alone but Jake deserved privacy if he wanted it. He shook his head.

"Please come with me" He pleaded. I smiled and stood up,following closely behind him and into a dull looking room, all too familiar.

A kind looking woman was sat behind the desk, a pen clasped between her fingers. She beamed at us and gestured for us to sit.

"Jake, are you okay?" I whispered, he didn't seem to be moving and he was even paler than usual

"Please, don't be nervous. My name is Jane" The woman said gently "Nothing you say will leave this room" I nudged him and he snapped out of his trance, hurriedly sitting down. He threaded his fingers through mine, squeezing me tightly. "So, how are you today, Jake?" She asked.

"I'm not doing so great" He admitted

"And why is that?"

"I remembered some things from my past" He said quietly

"Would you like to share what that is?"

"My biological dad abused me" He said so quietly that Jane had to ask him to repeat himself.

"How long ago was this?"

"When I was 4 up until he died. So about 11 years ago"

"Do you miss him?"

"I don't know" He sighed

"It's perfectly okay if you do" She assured him "He was your father"

"I don't remember him" Jake interjected "I can only remember what he was like when he was mad"

"Do you feel as though, as a child, you developed such a hatred for him that you blocked out the good memories? After all, I can imagine you were too young to understand what was happening and why it happened. He was your father and I can't even begin to imagine how much that must have hurt you, emotionally and physically"

Jake closed his eyes, I felt a drop of wetness on my knuckle. I kissed him on the cheek, hoping to comfort him in some way. He gave a weak smile and lightly squeezed my hand. Patiently, Jane waited. Occasionally scribbling something down in her notepad.

"I'm s-sorry" Jake mumbled

"You take however long you need, Jake" She said gently "We'll take this slowly, I understand it's going to be difficult for you to open up completely. These sessions are to help you so if a little cry or time out is what you need, then you do that, okay?"

"O-okay"

"Do you want me to leave for a few minutes so you can be alone with your dad?"

"Y-yes, p-please" He sniffled, wiping his eyes with his freehand. She nodded and quietly slipped out of the room. "P-Papa, I d-don't kn-know what t-to s-say!" He threw his arms around me and burst into tears. "H-how do y-you d-do it?"

"Shhh" I soothed "Calm down, breathe" I waited until his breathing slowed before continuing "She is going to do everything she can to help you. Trust me, I've gone through loads of therapists and I was just too stubborn to let them help me: I didn't want to believe that I'm insane"

"You're not insane"

"Jake, you're sweet and all but it's okay. I am legally insane. I just wish it didn't take 18 years to realise that"

"Am I insane?" He asked quietly

"No" I kissed his forehead "You're not insane, honey. I promise and even if you were, I bet I'm ten times more insane then you are" I poked him the stomach and grinned.

"Papa, how do you talk to your therapist?"

"Jake, you've got to give yourself time. It took me years to open up, the sooner you start, the better. Just remember that she won't tell anyone anything, not even us, unless it is something we need to know. For example, if you told her you were thinking about committing suicide, she would have to tell us that but everything less serious would be kept between the two of you. Also, I promise that she is going to help you. The sooner you know that, the better"

"Okay, Papa" He mumbled, his breath was hot against my neck "I love you"

"I love you too" I paused "Tell me when you're ready for her to come back in"

It took him a while but eventually he was calm and ready to talk again. I wrapped my arm around his waist, he leaned into me, resting his head on my shoulder. Jane was extremely patient with him, he cried a few more times but it was all going to be beneficial for him in the future.

"Thank you very much, Jake" She said with a smile "Unfortunately,we've ran out of time. I'll study my notes and see if there's anything I can do for you this early on. I'll see you next week"

"T-thank you, b-bye" He wiped his eyes on his scrunched up tissue and hurriedly left, not bothering to wait for me.

"Thank you" I said to her "We've been so worried about him"

"I assure you I will do everything I can to help your son"

"One more thing..."

"Yes?"

"I think Jake might be getting bullied"

"How come?"

"When we was walking here, some kid from his school shouted at us and called him a faggot..."

"Is he gay?"

"No, he has a girlfriend"

"Does he have female friends?"

"Well, he hangs around with girls more than the guys, I suppose. He's really close to a girl called Ashleigh, she's his best friend"

"That could be why, is he into any 'male dominated' sports or activities?"

"No"

"Do people at school know about his girlfriend or about you and your husband?"

"Not as far as I'm aware"

"I'll see if I can get anything out of him, maybe it'll help if he's alone with me?"

"Well, I was going to wait in the lobby but he wanted me to come with him"

"Leave him next time" She advised

"Okay, thank you. Have a nice evening"

 "You too"