Let's Not Talk About Tomorow

Jake

"Dad?" I asked. I had been home for a few hours now, I couldn't keep my mouth shut for much longer. Papa was asleep in the living-room, this was the perfect time. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" Dad replied as he stirred the pasta that was slowly cooking in the pot "What is it?"

"Do you know someone called Dean?"

"Yeah..." Dad turned around to face me "How do you even know that name?"

"Who is he?"

"My half-brother..." Dad still looked uneasy "Papa'a ex too"

"What happened to him and Papa?"

"Jake, tell me how you know him" He demanded

"Answer my question!"

"Answer my question! Jake, tell me!"

"Why does he hate Papa?!"

"He doesn't. He loves him, or he did at least"

"What happened to their relationship?"

"Why do you even want to know?"

"Dad, tell me! Or I'll ask Papa myself!"

"Fine! Dean moved to New York for university, happy now?"

"Not yet, will you tell me about him?"

"Not until you tell me why" Dad folded his arms and gave me The Look

"Dad, if I tell you why you probably won't tell me anything. I'll tell you after, I promise"

"Alright" Dad sighed "I met him at school, he was a year older then me. He used to bully me, get his friends to beat me up and steal my lunch. I hated him. One day he moved schools, just after Papa started attending my school and I never thought I'd see him again. However, I came home form school one day when I was 14 and him and my dad were sat in the living-room together. It turns out my dad had a kid before he dated my mum, Dean was that kid. Of course, he had to make up for all the years he'd missed bullying me and made my life living hell. My parents were besotted with him, I didn't tell my girlfriend or Papa about him. I couldn't because I knew he'd take them away from me like he'd done with everyone else.

Jake, I was very confused about my sexuality at this point and was an asshole to Papa. I would play with his emotions, kiss him, touch him and claimed it meant nothing. I knew I loved him but I also loved my girlfriend and I knew who would be stronger when I died of cancer. Your papa and I had an argument in the middle of the night, we must have woke Dean because he went into my room to tell Papa to shut up,thinking he was me. I went back upstairs to apologise to Papa but I walked in on them.... having sex. Do you know how much that hurt? I thought Papa loved me, I felt so... betrayed. It made me realise if I didn't do something, I'd lose Papa for good.

I tried, Jake. I tried so hard to convince Papa that Dean was no good but it didn't work. It didn't work, they fell in love. They had a perfect relationship, I knew Dean really did love him. He treated him right, put him first. He was everything to Jon. I knew I lost him, Jake. To top it off, my parents sat me down and talked to me about my cancer. That was when I knew for definite I was going to die from my cancer. I came the closest I ever have to some kind of depression. I shut myself away in my bedroom for months, I only came out late at night to eat. I bumped into Papa one night, he made me realise I was wasting my life. I was too proud to beg him to come back, to tell him I loved him. Instead I had to show him I didn't care about him and Dean.