Before You All Yell At Me

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I am working on an actual oneshot (plus a lemon). I made this crack piece so you would all have something to read until then.

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Gene: *has Zane's phone*

Gene: This isn't weird.

Gene: First I slid into the DMs, and now I'm hacking his phone because I don't know where he is.

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Garroth: You know nothing about him!

Gene: At least I didn't stoke Zane's worst fears.

Zane: Guys, guys! No need to argue--

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Gene: I've always liked me better when I'm with you.

Zane: I like you for you.

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Gene: Stop, drop, spread your legs.

Gene: *puts an arm around Zane* If you touch my private then that's okay.

Zane: *jumping*

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Zane: *holds up a pocky stick* Hey Gene, wanna play a game with me?

Gene: Sure, so we're playing pocky?

Zane: Yeah. I don't know how to, though.

Gene: Oh, I do.

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Zane: *appears behind Gene*

Gene: *heavy sighing*

Zane: I want you to fuck me Gene.

Gene: ???

Zane: FUCK ME--

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Gene: Just remember that I'm watching you, and if you dare to leave this room... I'll make you regret it.

Zane: *tied to a chair with duct tape over mouth*

Zane's Thoughts: How did I end up like this?

Zane's Thoughts: Oh yeah.

Zane's Thoughts: I broke into his room in the middle of the night and asked him to notice me.

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Gene: *pushes Zane off the bed*

Gene: Wake up!

Zane: The hell do you want?

Gene: MAKE ME BREAKFAST!!

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Vylad: We need someone to "do it" with Zane.

Gene: I'm open.

Vylad: No you don't have to, not after everything you have done for us--

Gene: You don't understand.

Gene: I'm right outside your house.

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Gene: We haven't seen each other for ten years.

Zane: Yeah.

Gene: Let's get married.

Zane: Sure.

Gene: *walking out of the house* Bye see you in another ten years.

Zane: *sobbing* Understandable.

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Zane: I've been taking care of these little shits while you've been going out and drinking-- *continues complaining*

Gene: *drunk as fuck*

Gene: ShUt Up YoU wHoRe...!! *hiccups*

Zane: .....

Gene: *gets door slammed in his face*

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Zane: *holding beer bottle*

Gene: Zane.

Zane: ???

Gene: What did I say about drinking?

Zane: B-But you get to drink--

Gene: BUT NOTHING.

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Gene: Just jump down, and say something gay.

Zane: *jumps down from counter wearing a Tingle costume*

Zane: I'M GAY--

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Gene: *dragging himself through the hallways of the abandoned Phoenix Drop Highschool*

Gene: *puts his hand against a picture he put up of Zane*

Gene: Z... ane...

*flashback*

Zane: *laughing like a psychopath while holding Zenix's head*

*now*

Gene: That's not my emo.

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Zane: *singing on a stage*

Gene: *recording it*

Zane: *holds up the middle finger*

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Zane: When I grow up, I wanna go to the moon!

Gene: Why wait?

Zane: Huh?

Gene: *kicks Zane to the moon*

Zane: *screaming*

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Zane: Let me out.

Gene: No.

Zane: Let me out.

Gene: Soon.

Zane: Let me out--

Gene: I SAID SOON.

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Zane: I wish I didn't have to wear this dress for the show.

Gene: Yeah, you look like a girl.

Zane: *bats eyelid* Am I a pretty girl?

Gene: You're...

Gene: You're beautiful.

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Gene: *doing nothing*

*door flings open*

Fem!Zane: *walks in*

Gene: *nosebleed*

Fem!Zane: *smirks*

Gene: I could just--

Fem!Zane: *drinks cure for the potion and becomes a boy again*

Gene: *eternal sobbing*

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Gene: *slaps Zane's rear* You got a bae?

Gene: OR NAW--

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Zane: *singing*

Gene: *holds out Sasha's hair straightener*

Zane: *grabs onto it then screams*

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Aphmau: Shove a glue stick up your ass!

Zane: Okay. *leaves*

Zane: *breaks down Gene's door*

Gene: My door!

Zane: Shove your d*** up my ass.

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Zane: *goes up to Gene* Hey, I'm gay.

Gene: I thought you were American..?

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