Zene Oneshots

A/N: Writer's Block + My Feelings (Lol How Many Of You Will Read This?)

Yeah we all know what Writer's Block is.

*lying in my bed with a thermometer in my mouth, a puffy cushion icepack on my forehead, staring at the ceiling, and a bowl of steaming hot soup next to me*

I have the disease.

The Writer's Block Disease.

I already have three oneshots in the making, to my knowledge of unpublished pieces of this book. The first one is mostly done, but I'm struggling with the one scene that is the most important to the entire thing.

I don't know why, but ever since some time ago after school started back up, I haven't Ben able to use the creative-writing-insane-shipping-extra-unnecessary side to my brain and thinking. It does not matter how much I do not pay attention in class, something about these past weeks has been having a major effect on my books and my schedule. I haven't even been able to fully focus on my schoolwork, seeing as I can barely do my homework. Like that one math sheet I got yesterday and is due tomorrow, the entire thing, and I only have like four or five done.

BUT!

Because I care about you all so much, I will stretch my brain and patience to very thin threads just to get you all some Zene.

Speaking of Zene, let's check on the cast.

~~~~

Zane is currently asleep, Gene doesn't give two hoots about anything. Laurance is probably raiding the fridge and Garroth is sharpening my pencils.

This is what your beloved cast members do in their free time.

~~~~

Now, back to the main issue here.

I swear I'm not lazy, but my head has been hurting a lot recently. And I don't mean like physically hurting or a small headache, be cause this happens from a few minutes after I wake up to when I go to sleep at night. I think this issue is actually what has been keeping me up at night, because I can't fall asleep.

Did you guys know that I went all Sunday or Monday (I'm not sure which one it was) on a few sugar cookies and potato chips? And I didn't even feel hungry the entire day. Sugar cookies in the morning, potato chips at like 9 at night.

I don't even know what to talk about anymore.

~~~~Feelings (okay, you all can leave now)~~~~

I guess I'm trying to connect more with you guys? I see a lot of other authors do it, and they get positive vibes. But I feel like it would just annoy you guys to death, except for a few who I have had actual talks with before. I also feel like 99% of the half I say in many short notes is unnecessary and gets overlooked, so I tend to feel as though the entire concept of me adding them in pointless.

And don't say that I'm depressed. I'm not (granted I act like I am). I'm just in control of my emotions and feelings so well to the point where I am Ayano Aishi before she met Senpai. Although, to stop your worrying, I did ask my mom to take me to get a diagnosis (granted she never did).

I tend to ramble on about a lot of pointless things (like this entire piece), so that's another reason why I stay so quiet all the time.

I just feel like nothing in this world is worth looking forward to.

I have had so many ideas for stories that belong to other fandoms in the past, but I either forget about them, transform them into one for Aphmau, or publish the story only to get rid of it.

The reason why is because I know that they won't get as many views as my Aphmau stories do.

And no, I'm not worried about how many views my books get or how many votes or whatever.

The more views on my Aphmau stories means that it's likely that a lot of more people enjoy them. Some of my other books in the past that have focused on my own world or another fandom get, like, 5 views and then that's it.

Listen, if being restricted to writing for one fandom means more people that I (probably) don't know are becoming happier, then that's all I need to know.

That is why I even made this account in the first place, to give others motivation to write and make them happy.

Now I want to address my OCs and my own world of Nerula.

Look, I get it. People tend to hate OCs. But I do actually have a version of Nerula that doesn't crossover or intertwine with any other fandoms.

The thing is, a lot of people have either ignored or frowned greatly at my own original characters and stories. At first this was definitely okay, because haters gonna hate, but overtime I guess it just started to make me hate my own creations too. It's gotten to the point where I can't even start or finish stories that focus on a character of mine, or even work up enough motivation to even explore and develop their final versions. The farthest I have gotten in an OC is Stargazer, my mascot, and even she needs like 99% more editing.

Now don't even dare mention how much I like developing characters such as Alduin or Líkúorianō. I don't really consider them to be OCs, because they're just alternated god-like versions of Garroth and Zane for my main AU. So no, not OCs, but I definitely own the AU.

It has taken me an hour and a half to write this... goddamn I'm stupid when talking about feelings.

Then again, I can't even talk about my feelings to my own friends or family. Pretty pathetic of me, huh?

I already gave up my hopes of playing an instrument, and I've given up drawing. The only thing that I still have is this, and sitting on my butt and staying out of the way of my family by playing video games, even if it makes them think that I'm a lazy piece of fat and need to get a life.

You know that one saying? The one that says, "Those who don't care now once cared too much" or something? That perfectly describes me. Still does.

A few days ago I was asked if I could change anything about myself, what would it be. You wanna know what I said?

Everything.

Well, this is goodbye for now.

I'm gonna get a terrible sleep.

And I'm deciding whether or not to even keep this section with this Author's Note or deleting it some time tomorrow.