Homonculous |Marauders Era

Chapter Fifty-One

[Chapter Fifty-One]

There was no such thing as a peaceful night of sleep after the evening Elspeth had shared in as she found herself tossing and turning in her bed. While her reconciliation with Lily had gone over better than she ever expected, Elspeth was just plagued by the thoughts of those that she still had yet to speak to. She hadn't spoken to Sirius or the boys, and she was going on quite some time without speaking with Hades, which was proving to be a killer blow. All of them had become so intertwined in her life that they were part of the new routine and without their presence, she was still feeling fairly lost.

Part of her was telling her to return to the Underworld and talk to Hades, but what could he really say to make her feel better about the idea of her death? She knew it had been her own fault for asking in the first place, she could have remained ignorant to the whole thing, and it wasn't even Hades' fault, it was just going to be the way things turned out to be. It was the way it had always been, even long before Elspeth had come around. She couldn't hold it against him, but there was just part of her that was hurt by the idea of losing all of her past memories to form a new life.

She simply didn't want to miss out on her memories whether they were good or if they were bad because losing the bad ones would even take away from who she was. She wouldn't be the same Elspeth, which meant that people she interacted with in the Elysian Fields wouldn't be the same either. They would just be picture-perfect versions of themselves, flawless, moulded to perfection, and to Elspeth, they wouldn't be real at all. But once again, she reminded herself that it wasn't Hades' fault, and while she found a problem with it, it didn't mean that others did.

Perhaps others found it peaceful that they could leave all of their troubles behind and live a life where everything was simply perfect and only got better each time. Elspeth just had to be the difficult brat and find fault with it, just like she did with everything that presented itself in her life. For someone that always wanted people to stop being so damn judgemental, Elspeth felt like she was the most judgmental of them all.

"Fuck me, " she muttered under her breath in the darkness of the room, " what am I doing with my life?"

Things were much simpler back when it had just been her and Penelope interacting on a daily basis, or when she was under the watchful eye of Alice and Frank.  It seemed the fewer people she interacted with regularly she was able to manage herself better, but now she was just a spiralling mess going out of control.

Pushing herself up out of bed, Elspeth made her way quietly out of the dorm room, careful not to wake anyone up as she made her way towards the stairs. She knew she wasn't going to get any sleep that night at the rate she was going and sitting in the darkness was just pissing her off. Making her way down the stairs, she carried a blanket with her, hoping at least the roaring fireplace in the Common Room would offer some sort of comfort to ease her mind.

However, as she reached the last few steps, Elspeth heard the sound of movement in the Common Room, leaving her slightly puzzled because it was nearing two in the morning. Who the hell was awake (besides her) at that hour when the first day of classes was tomorrow? Someone with a death wish apparently, or multiple people with death wishes.