CopyCat | Bucky Barnes

Goodbye

Bucky stood still, gazing down at the smooth stone in front of him. His chin almost touching his chest. He couldn't find the strength to hold up his own head.

It was over, he survived. But she didn't. She died, and in a way, so did he.

Bucky didn't feel sad though, he felt cheated. Cheated by the universe, of the life he should've had. Even after every bad thing he'd done.... He knew he deserved to be happy, after he spent so much time drowning in his own pain and sorrow.

He did deserve better.

He was partially dumbfounded. What was he supposed to do now? She had left him no instructions, no last wishes. Nothing that could possibly bring her back.

Now came the hard part. The part where he had to fully come to terms of the new reality. Reality is that Alex was dead. His Alex. His Alex was never coming back. He had to find a way to say goodbye.

"I'm not sorry." Bucky whispered. Of course he was alone, but he hoped she was listening.... Somewhere.

"I'm not sorry for loving you." Bucky said with a raspy voice. "You think you caused me pain, but you were wrong. You were the only one who could ease my pain, who could make me feel human. That I was worth saving."

Bucky let out a shaky breath and a small sob.

"I know that what you did was the right thing, but it doesn't feel right." Bucky whimpered, shutting his eyes to trap the tears inside. "Nothing about this is right."

Why did he have to suffer this way? Forced to keep living, while the line of death kept them apart. The only thing keeping him from crossing that line were his children. He couldn't possibly do that to them, after they'd already lost their Mother and Uncle. But, he still longed for the sweet release of death.

"Even now... I can't even say goodbye." Bucky got down on one knee and gently placed the rose on the grass.

The sun was starting to set, her grave stone casting a shadow over the rose. Her stone read, Alexandra Jean Rogers, Friend.... Sister.... Mother.... Avenger.

"How can I possibly say goodbye..." Bucky whispered. Hot tears started to roll down his cheeks, making him sob.

"I can't say goodbye, I can only thank you.... Thank you for loving me, Alexandra Rogers."

He wasn't wrong. Because even though he couldn't see her, she'd been standing right beside him the whole time.

It wasn't about the happy ending. It was about the story.