Logan

42. On Edge

*Natalie POV*

Damien had been on edge all of last night, he'd stayed up too long watching movies with Alex and AB. When I'd checked on him, around 8:00 am, he was splayed across Alex's bed, and Alex was a stiff board on the left side of the bed. I'd made sure I had a cup of coffee in my hand before waking Damien up and pulling him into his own room. He'd spilled some of it on himself, he hadn't had any caffeine all day yesterday, much less food other than the pizza. His hands shook a bit as he took the coffee, and he took forever to choose from the gigantic box of donuts Mom had sent to let us know she was thinking of us.

"You take care of me, Tali. What would I ever do without you?"

"Do you want me to answer that honestly?" I laughed, "Umm, let's see, no clean clothes, no hot meals every other day, the goddess of all goddesses, HOT coffee."

He laughed, "Okay, okay, I get your point." I sat down with him until he calmed down a little, but he looked at me with a serious face. "I'm nervous, Natalie. I haven't seen some of these people in years, and I don't know if I should wear my dress blues or if I should try to match with you. I don't know, what do you think?"

"I think you should match with me, I mean, would you even fit in your dress blues anymore?" Damien grabbed the suitcase under his bed and shuffled some things around until I saw the blue of his Air Force uniform, the wings, the pins, and the cover. He picked it up and tried it on. It fit perfectly, and Damien went to the mirror and stood for a moment. He turned to me, and handed me a photo from the pocket. It was the two of them, Damien and Nick. Nick's smile was a playful smirk, a lollipop stick at the corner of his mouth, powerful brown eyes staring right at him, his brown hair blew in the wind. Damien's cover was off, revealing his high and tight haircut, but the way his eyes glimmered had always drawn me in. Damien's smile was so simple, but yet I could tell they were in love. I handed it back and he held the photo still.

"The last time I wore this was at his funeral, I had already been a year out of the Air Force. I remember handing the flag to Guenevere and all I could think was, 'this flag should be mine' but I couldn't even cry, much less show any emotion." He unbuttoned the first few buttons, then wriggled out of the blues all together, leaving him standing in boxers and socks. Damien looked over at me, tears in his eyes and his voice broken, "I don't want to wear this, I don't want it, I just don't, I just can't." His eyes were a deep brown from the tears, they ran down his face as he looked at the picture further. I picked everything up and folded it, placing it back in the suitcase and tucking it back under the bed.

"That's okay, you don't have to. You know what, we're going to go to the mall, I'll get us both a new outfit, and then we can rehearse. Gwen called and said she didn't need us to come to the rehearsal dinner, but she wants us to be ready for the reception." I pulled the robe I was wearing over his shoulders, then tucked him into it, making him sit down. I put the coffee back into his hands, "Here, drink this. I'm going to shower and then we can leave." Before I walked away I cupped his face in my hands, placed a kiss on his cheek and said, "Nick will always be in your heart, always. No one can take that away from you, not even Guenevere."

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The mall was so packed, I felt my anxiety rise as I was bumped into by the mall Santa. Damien was quick to put his arm around me and guide me away from the center of the crowd, with him between everyone and me. I saw a few people I'd gone to high school with, and a few of Logan's friends, but I honestly didn't care. Damien regaled me with stories about him and Nick, his sweet tooth, and all of the times they'd messed around and never gotten caught. I could've read a book about them, I was hooked from the beginning. But there would be moments when he'd stop and look down for a few seconds, almost as if he were waiting for Nick to chime in, but it would never be spoken. Gwen and Derek's colors were purple and mint, and we'd been given the names of some of the tailors they'd used just in case we wanted to match.

I'd found a purple sequin fit and flair dress, perfect for a belt at the waist. It was long sleeved, perfect for winter. I'd managed to find a nice pair of black boots and earrings. I'd put off wearing stockings ever since the incident, but I was weighing the options. Damien was a vision in all-black with a mint tie, and he smirked when he looked me over.

"Should I wear stockings?" His smile fell a little, remembering exactly why I wasn't sure, and he took a moment before shaking his head.

"You could wear tan stockings, they would probably help better than wearing black. As much as I love the color, I love your dress more." I went to pull out my wallet to pay for us, but he shook his head. "Christmas present, on me. I'm planning on getting you more, but just let me do this. I think we both need it." I opened my mouth to protest, but his bank card was already in the cashier's hands.

He grabbed my bags and led me out of the store, shielding me from the awkward sales pitches of the kiosks, and the occasional shoulder bump from someone walking by.

"Who'd you get for Secret Santa?" I asked curiously.

Damien shook his head, "I'm not telling."

"Honestly, I don't even know what to get mine."

"Who do you have?" He grinned, and I shook my head.

"We can't tell, remember?" I smacked his arm playfully.

"I know for a fact that Logan and AB had weird looks on their faces when they drew, and Alex and I were pretty happy. Some people are harder to shop for than others."

"So..." Damien paused for a moment, "I haven't asked you lately, but I didn't want you to think I was hovering. How are you doing...really?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, sometimes I look at Logan and I know I love him so much but I wonder how this all happened. How is it I look at him and I love him but I can't trust him. I hate that this all happened, I hate that Victoria had something that I didn't, that she does even now. She has parts of Logan that I've never seen. Also, seeing Scarlet and Jordana together, together once was so awkward for me. I mean, I'm happy for them, but I miss my friend. She never talks to me anymore, whenever I call she's talking to Jordana, or she just lets it go to voicemail. I've tried even talking to her in person and all she talks about is Jordana, or something they did together. I'm happy for my friends, but honestly I fucking hate it. I hate when people get into a relationship and they completely lose themselves, they lose what's important to them. All for it to revolve around that one person."

"You know Jordana is my friend..." Damien mumbled, "But I understand how you feel."

"I know she's your friend but honestly I can't develop a friendship with someone that's literally all over my best friend. It's fucking annoying." I was so annoyed that I forgot to look and all of a sudden I was falling. My knee collided with the trash can in front of me and I was sent to the floor. Damien immediately dropped down to see if I was okay, but I just laid there.

"Why does this have to happen to me? Of all days..." I sighed, feeling the burning twinge in my knee when I started to get up. I limped the rest of the way until it felt better, but I was more pent up from how much I felt like everything was falling apart "I'm sorry I brought all this up...it's just I've been having issues myself and I thought maybe you picked up on some of them." Damien bit his lip a little, looking down then up at me "Kellan's happier than I've ever seen him, Damien."

"No, it's AB. Ever since I have been getting closer to Alex, AB's been kind of snarky? Bitchy? I don't know, he found out that I'd fallen asleep in Alex's room a couple of times and he thinks I'm trying to make a move on Alex."

"That's ridiculous,"I snapped.

"I know! I've told that to AB. He went behind my back and pulled Kellan into some drama talk, and Kellan dismissed it 100% but for some reason AB has just been really salty toward me lately. I mean, don't get me wrong but AB isn't exactly professional when some of the artists come through the studio. I've seen him flirt with some of them, more than once. I told Alex about it, but he's completely confident in AB even if he's not confident in Alex."

I felt my fists bunch up, "I hate that he's being that way, look out for my brother. I know you two are close, and honestly my mom loves you and my family isn't the same without you around. So just keep being yourselves." Damien pulled me into a hug and we stood there for about a minute, his arms were so tight around me and he pulled away with a small smudge on his eyeliner. He pulled out of his handkerchief and patted his eye a little before tucking it away.