Logan

169. Maybe

*Ripley's POV*

Only 25andso hours of discomfort and pain and I finally got to go home. Trying to get into the truck was easier than I thought, but the bumps were agitating. No direct water, no lifting my arms, it hurt to move anything, really.

A week later I could take a shower, I was still thinking how that was going to go down. It felt humiliating having to navigate through my house with a walker, but Natalie seemed relieved the moment I stepped over the threshold of the house. Ember and Jax helped me take off my shoes and Natalie made the guest room up for me. She paced around the house until I was in my bed and it made me nervous.

"I don't need anything else," I insisted, and she looked like she was fighting with herself not to say anything else.

"I should've rented a hospital bed, you could tear your stitches trying to get out of bed."

I grimace, "I've been told to move slowly, and I'll be fine. Sit down, you're making me nervous."

Natalie has a messy bun in her head, despite her hair being short as it is, and I can tell she's stressed. She looks tired, as if she's barely slept.

"Natalie-"

She holds up her hand, "if this is about calling my mom back I really don't want to."

"No, it's not that-but you really should call her. What I was going to say, do you have questions, about anything?"

Natalie looks up at me, then takes a breath. "Yeah. Why did it take you so long to tell me? Did you not want me in your life?"

When Natalie's voice quiets down, I know she's afraid of something I'm going to say. "I've wanted you in my life since I saw the pregnancy test. I regret nothing about how you came to be."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I was planning on telling you at the dinner, but I wanted to tell you the moment you stepped into the station. I felt like I couldn't just tell you without getting to know you a little. I just...I was selfish. I knew when you found out that I might lose you, but I just wanted you to know."

"Why not sooner?" She asked.

"Timing was off, something was always happening. I didn't want to make things worse."

Natalie scoffs, "Kind of too late there. What about my mom? Did you love her?"

I take a breath in, "I-yes, I loved, Betty- I'll always have feelings for her, but I also know I deserved more than she could ever give me in return." I'm careful about what I say next. "I might not have told you when you wanted, or when I wanted, but I wanted and tried to be there as much as I could. As much as, well, as much as your mother would let me."

Natalie's eyes are filled with tears, "I'm still so mad at you." Her voice shakes.

"I know." I reach for her hand and she takes it, and a couple of her tears fall against my palm.

"I've been having issues sleeping, and the meds are helping. But all I can think about when I close my eyes is everything I missed. The birthdays, holidays, those childhood moments I should've had but instead...no. Then there's mom, Craig, my uncle Robbie, the secrets." She takes a breath, and she sniffles, "Everyone kept secrets. I hate being lied to, I hate the anger I feel being kept from you for 25 years. I could've had a dad that loved me."

I hear the way she says that last part, and it starts to pick at all the fears I had of her being raised by Craig. I want to ask her more about that, but instead I just hold her hand. "I've always been here, I never left you. Just...now I can express it. No one has to hide anymore, and when I'm healed up, I can start to show you all the things we missed."

Natalie's quiet when she looks at me, she blinks and tears fall down. I wipe them away with my thumb, "Maybe." Natalie says, leaving me with my thoughts when she stands up and leaves.

I hear the front door close and Ember walks by and stands in the doorframe.

"You okay?" He asks.

"Oh you know, just catching up on the 'I hate my dads guts' phase of having a child." I joke, "I'm okay. It's just going to take time for all of us."