Logan

62. I Just Want Someone To Love Me

*Natalie's POV*

Trying to go to sleep after everything that happened today... it was difficult. Every time I closed my eyes I could only relive the hurt in Kellan's voice when he was talking about how much he missed me, and the other part of me remembered the way I ended things with Logan.

It was... surreal. But I knew things just had to be this way if I was going to get better.

I looked up to see a shadow in my door frame, and a whisper followed.

"Natalie," it was Aeron. "Follow me."

"What's wrong?"

"Just come with me."

I followed him through the cafeteria door, and onto the patio.

There were a few blankets, and a big metal pan.

"What's this?"

He smiled, and covered my shoulders with a blanket.

"Sit."

I sat down, and my curiosity was growing. He put his hand on the handle, and handed me a napkin at the same time. It was a plate of wings, three different types on a plastic pan.

"Wings." I let out a small laugh, "How did you get these?" I grabbed one, and bit into it. The sweetness of the sauce made me feel as if nothing had changed. "Oh, my gosh, how did you know?"

He wiped the corner of his mouth, "Remember that day, when we were wishing for our craving. You said wings, and... well. I got Canyon's 'people's number, and here we are, so eat up."

"But we could get in trouble." Aeron shook his head.

"Technically, we're allowed to roam the grounds, it doesn't matter if it's daytime or nighttime. Only the high threats are locked in, I found out. I found out one night when I got up to watch tv, and I couldn't get out of my room..." he stopped, but then continued, "I have gone through a lot, Natalie. I've seen things in my line of work that... well, I should've been in a place like this a long time ago. But I didn't want to admit it to myself that something was wrong. I didn't want to disrupt the life I had, everything was 'fine' all the time. But it wasn't fine when I was waking up in a sweat every night, when I almost strangled my ex-wife, it wasn't fine when I tried to put a bullet in my head, and I had to explain to my kids why daddy had a strange ouchie." He motioned to the right side of his head "I tried to run away from my problems, as far away as possible. I wanted to come here, to America for a new life. But she didn't want to, so she remarried, my kids are well taken care of. I come from... well, I come from money. I have some money left from my job, and my family is well off, so they're taken care of until I can get better. But, a big part of me doesn't want to go back. I still get letters from my children, they're delivered to a PO box, and then they're re-routed to Lakeside. I send them letters too, telling them daddy is getting better."

"You lie to your kids?"

"Only to protect them from the truth. I don't want them to worry about me."

"Wow, that's a big secret to hold."

"What about you?" He asked.

I sighed, "I... guess you could say they caught it in time." I whispered. I took another breath, "When Victoria shot me, I didn't realize just how traumatized I already was by her. She went through great lengths to keep Logan and I apart, and sometimes it worked. But he never stayed away for long." A tear came down my face, "I thought he would come back to me this time, but... it feels like he's so far away. So... I ended things. I want someone to want me through everything, through all the struggles I'm going through. Not just mental illness, but everything. I want someone to watch movies with me until 4am, I want someone who will go get cough syrup when I'm sick, I want someone to hold my hand when I've gone through too much. I don't... I can't trust him right now. We went through this together, but we didn't go through all of it together." My eyes blurred with tears, "I just want someone to love me."

Aeron was quiet for a moment, and then he put his hand on mine. My first instinct was to pull away, but I didn't. I looked up at him, and our eyes met. Even as the tears flowed down my face, he kept eye contact. The silence was so strong between us, but yet looking through his eyes I felt he told me so much. He picked up a napkin and wiped the tears from my face.

"You don't have to wear your pain forever, you know. It's okay to let things go." His palm cupped my cheek, and I leaned into it. Tears burned my eyes, and I closed them, and I finally let go. I sobbed uncontrollably, and he pulled me into his embrace. A few moments passed, I pulled away, and he let me.

I sniffled, blew my nose and dabbed my eyes, "Thanks, for that. I just..."

"Don't." He stopped me. "You don't have to explain anything to me, if you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, then scream. Once you feel, the easier it will be to move on." He handed me another napkin, "So, tell me more about those movies."

We talked for hours, about movies, music, the difference between vinyl and cds. I told him about Alex, about AB, Damien, Kellan, everyone that meant anything to me from the past two years. I told him about Jacob, about how everything went down with Logan. He told me about his ex, about his kids, about life as a police officer. About the things he did, and when he cried, I cried. I was able to hold him, the feeling of his heartbeat underneath my hand was soothing.

When we looked up, the light was starting to become more and more orange, until the sun peaked from the treeline.

"I'd better get back, Frankie will wonder where I've gone..." I mumbled. We both stood up, and then he patted my arm slightly.

"She already knows." Aeron blurted. "Um, she knows... well..."

I looked up at him, and he stopped talking. He took a step, and slowly leaned toward me, stopping only an inch or so from my face. Our noses almost touched, and he whispered, "I... I want to kiss you. So badly, but... I know..." He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. "Just know, Natalie, I'm here for you, always."

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*Aeron's POV*

When Natalie walked back to her room, I covertly snuck back to my own, and Canyon lay sleeping, with his sketchbook laying open on top of my pillow.

'wake me up when you get back. tell me how it went.'

I nudged him awake, and I sat down. He raised his eyebrows, squinting slightly before making an effort to sit up. He grabbed his pencil and scribbled:

'ok?'

"It went... really well? I... I got to touch her hand." I sighed, a grin on my face. "We talked for hours, Canyon. I mean... she's got so much depth to her. She's so strong, but yet she just doesn't believe in herself as much as she could. Natalie could be unstoppable if she only believed in herself. She's holding so much back, and-"

Canyon tapped on my shoulder, 'what else did you guys talk about?'

"We talked about movies, music-" he cringed slightly when I mentioned that word, "Diverse subjects."

He nodded, and then held up his notebook, 'I'm going back to sleep. Way to go.'

As he curled back into his blankets, I let the thoughts of Natalie swim through my dreams.