Logan

152. That's My Little Girl

*Ripley's POV*

Two Years Ago

"The EMT's brought her in a few hours ago, Tom. It doesn't look good." A voice said on the line, Darcy. We went on a few dates after I'd met her during a call at a restaurant where someone was complaining of chest pains.

But the dates I went on never worked out. At least, it felt like they never worked. Darcy had broken things off after she'd gotten a more demanding position. But she knew my secret, a secret I'd revealed on a particularly dark night after missing another opportunity to tell Natalie the truth.

"Thanks Darcy," I choked out, "Call me if you hear anything else, please?"

I knew she was breaking HIPAA by telling me this, but her heart came from the right place. "She's going to pull through, Tom, just have to keep a positive headspace."

I hit the end button and sobbed in a way I haven't allowed myself to in years. Not since Robbie. I'd shut everything out, I couldn't keep the sounds of my pleading to Betty out of my mind, the amount of times I'd seen Natalie's shows, her beautiful voice, the way she smiled at the crowd. Close enough to see her shows, close enough to drive past her street, but too far away to tell her the truth.

Year after year, order after order.

I'd noticed Lt. Gideon having an especially hard time, this call shook him, even though he'd saved her life- he was having a rough time, and he'd asked to be put on station duty for a while. When I walked into the garage that night he was quiet, folding and doing small chores that didn't involve talking. I held on tighter to Natalie's volleyball button, her smile after hitting the serve at Regionals. I slid it into my pocket and finished out the rest of my shift, occasionally calling Darcy for updates.

Gunshot wound, internal bleeding, broken bones, trauma... she needed months of physical therapy and she was in a medically induced coma to reduce swelling and let her body rest. I had to see her, I couldn't wait anymore.

I drove in the cold parking garage, finding a spot I could easily make my way into the hospital unnoticed. I pressed the button to the ICU, claiming to be her father and as soon as I rounded the corner, Betty stopped me by the vending machines.

"What are you doing here?" She looked tired, bags under her eyes.

"What does it look like, I want to see her." I said.

"Tom," she put her hand on my chest and I tried to ignore the emotions surging through my body at her touch.

"Betty, please." I put my hand on hers and she pulled it away. I held on.

"No Tom, you can't be here."

"How many times do I have to beg you, until you let me see her?" I was growing weary of this game, I was tired. "I won't say anything to her, I just want to see her."

Betty looked exhausted, I felt bad for her, I did. I hate this. I hate this. I tried to breathe, I felt jagged breaths of glass and razors in my chest, my eyes stung, "Please, just... let me see her. That's my little girl, my baby in there."

We looked at each other and she sighed, she was thinking about it. Maybe, just maybe I could get through to her. Betty could give me an inch and I would take it.

"Tom, no." I tried to move past her and she put her hand out, "Thomas, you have to go. Now, before I call security."

"Did you care about me at all? This whole time, did you ever think for a second how this all makes me feel? The restraining orders, the no contact orders, I loved you. I would've given you everything, I have given you everything. I would've loved you and both kids, forever."

Betty's hand was still in mine, "I can't do this right now Tommy."

"When, Betty? When are you going to have this conversation with me. Because all throughout the years, you've given me moments with her, the smallest of moments, and I've never asked for more than a birthday party invitation. I need, no, my daughter needs me. One day, she's going to find out the truth. Where will you be then?"

"I'm sorry, Tommy." She started to cry and I shook my head.

"No, you're not sorry. You've never been sorry. I'll believe you're sorry when I'm finally allowed to see my daughter and she knows that I'M her father, not HIM." I walked away and then I turned around, "One day she is going to break your heart the way you have done to me a thousand times."

"Tom!" Betty was crying and I felt the twinge of regret and sadness as I walked away, I sat on a bench once the doors closed behind me and I tried to gather myself.

"Thomas?" I looked up to see Darcy, holding some files, her hand touched my shoulder.

I sniffled, "Betty won't let me see Natalie."

Darcy rubbed my shoulder and then looked around, and pulled me, "Come on, let's go."

"Where are we going?" I asked. She shushed me and pulled out her key card, walking me over the yellow line.

"Just because she said no doesn't mean I do."

"Won't you get in trouble?" I whispered. Darcy just laughed.

"As if they could fire me right now, they're not going to find out." She led me down a hallway of patients, and before we arrived at the door, she stopped me.

"I'm going to check on her condition, and you're going to stand here a moment." She walked in and came out a few seconds later, "Okay, she has a tube in her throat, and her body looks very frail, but she came through the surgery really well. I know you see this stuff all the time, but it's different when it's your kiddo." Darcy put out her hand for me to walk in the room and shut it behind me, keeping watch. "I'm giving you ten minutes and then I'm going to knock."

"Thank you, you don't know what this means to me."

Nothing could prepare me to see her the way I did, the tubes, the sounds of the machines beeping, the whoosh of air helping her breathe. I just stood there for a moment, "My baby." I sniffled, sitting down beside her and holding her hand. "Hi Natalie, it's Thomas. I'm so sorry we're meeting like this, but I just want you to know I love you very much."

The machines beeped steadily, and I watched her heart rate, and felt her hand, so small. "God, you're so grown up now. You have your mom's complexion, and my nose." I chuckled, "You are just as beautiful as the day you were born. I would've given you everything. I hope to have the chance, someday. I know you'll be angry for keeping it from you this long, but I hope you know that I tried." I felt a sob building, and I sunk it back down. The door knocked and Darcy peeked her head back in.

"I'm sorry Thomas, it's time to go." I looked up at her and then I looked down at Natalie. I kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand.

"I have to go now, but I promise I'll come back for you okay? I promise, I'll come back. I love you so much."

My heart crumpled in pieces, walking back to the hallway and out the door, "Thank you Darcy, for giving me this chance."

Darcy smiled and looked up at me, "Your daughter is very lucky to have you for a father, we don't all get that opportunity."