Logan

128. Not Yet

*Natalie's POV*

I turned over on my side and felt someone next to me. I felt the light hit my eyes and I squinted at first, until they adjusted. I opened them to see the sun shining through my window.

Logan's hazel eyes met mine, his face glowed with the light.

"Morning sleepyhead," he whispered, as he leaned in to kiss my forehead. I smiled, closing my eyes to revel in it. Realization hit my memory.

"Wait, you're not supposed to be here," My eyes opened and he was still there beside me, still smiling.

"Aren't I?"

I choked on my words, "You're dead."

He laughed, pulling me to him and wrapping an arm around me, but then his body stiffened a little. "I know."

Logan's skin felt warm to the touch, "The funeral is today." I whispered.

I ran my hands through his hair and he sighed, so I found my hands going lower and lower. He looked up at me, "Naughty." He chuckled and kissed me hard, pulling my body up and over his. "You're so beautiful."

He sat up and held me closer, kissing my neck. "You know, I'm not actually here. I mean, I died like five days ago."

I pulled away and looked in his eyes, "Does it hurt?"

His facial expression changed and then he shook his head, "No. But I don't want to talk about that. I just want to be here with you." He rubbed my hand I had on his cheek, then pulled it to his lips to kiss.

"Logan, I'm not ready to say goodbye," I choked, feeling a tear fall down my face.

He looked back at me, wiping the tear away, "Oh, sweet Natalie, my dearest, please don't cry for me."

The sunlight twinkled on the tear that left his eye, I felt things bubble up but I tried to hide them, "Am I going to see you after this?" I asked.

He took a while to answer, he just looked in my eyes, finding the words. Then he started to hum a familiar tune,

"All I have to do, is dream, dream dream-"

I gasped, opening my eyes and tumbling out of bed. I wiped my eyes, tear soaked and face wet, my breathing out of control. I tried to take a couple of calming breaths, and I looked around to notice the room was dark, my curtains closed, and clothing from last night lay on the floor. I looked down again to see the pjs that Wren had picked out when I'd come home, and remembered the comforting way he had pulled me into his arms.

Alex knocked on the door, "Natalie, you okay? I heard a noise."

My voice shook as I managed a, "I'm okay."

I sat back on my bed to fully process the dream. It felt so real, how could I bury him today, how could I say goodbye?

-

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The twelve of us met up in the parking lot, the amount of hugs I was getting made me feel more and more uncomfortable, they were filled with meaning but I felt too numb to feel them.

Canyon must have noticed, he gently nudged Ophelia and she put her hands in her coat pocket. "Natalie, do you need anything, love?"

I shook my head, "I just...want to get this over with," I shuddered in my coat, holding tight to my guitar. The weather was a shiny five degrees, with a little bit of a breeze, despite the sunshine. I turned and walked into the church, looking up at the stained glass windows. Even though Logan and Scarlet were confirmed, they never went back. I always gave him crap about picking Saint Michael but today it felt fitting. I needed to think maybe, he was somewhere he wasn't suffering or lonely. Alex believed more in faith than religion itself, so I never went with him or my parents to the typical times most families went to church. It just wasn't my thing.