Logan

92. All The Feels

*Natalie's POV*

I sat in front of my vanity, tired from the day before, placing cream on my baggy eyes and hoping they went away.

Going to sleep without Wren was absolute hell, my voice felt sore from screaming, and Logan lay on a pillow on the floor at the end of my bed.

"Noo!"

I felt arms around me and struggled in the dark, it was his voice that tethered me to the surface.

"It's just me, Nat. Shhh, you're okay now. It's just me."

I looked at him laying there, wondering why he even bothered.

I'd hurt him, hurt Wren, and for what? I placed a hand on his shoulder, "Logan, you can go back to your room. I'm okay now, thanks."

Logan opened an eye before closing it again, "Hmm, I'm okay. Floor's better for your back." He gave a small smile and placed his hand on mine, but then pulled it away just as quickly.

"Logan, it's almost noon, we've got a lot to do before...tonight."

His eyes shot open and he sat up, "I'm up, okay, so lunch? My treat?"

I nodded, "Sure."

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Logan's car pulled up to our favorite spot and his hand grazed my shoulder before I could reach for the doorhandle.

"Hey, just so you know...I'm here for you, for whatever, you know."

His eyes were telling me things, that he cared, but how far did it go? Before I could question him, he took in a big breath and pulled his sight away from me, pulling the door open. He raced around the car and opened my door.

"Sorry, habit." He stepped back as I got out of the car and shut the door. I stepped onto the curb but my other foot tripped and before I fell onto the pavement he grabbed me. "Oh, whoa, you okay?" His hand was warm against the brisk fall weather.

I mumbled an affirmative, "Fine," and continued to walk up to the building.

Ordering drinks and getting settled into our chairs was easy, it was the conversation that would be awkward.

"Hey, so I know you might not have put much thought into it, but what's your costume this year?"

"I thought I'd keep tradition and go with Agent Carter, I found an old service uniform and well... I had to watch a lot of youtube but I managed to make it work."

Logan smiled, "Nice, I can't wait to see it. I'm going to the dance as Clyde, Robin wanted to be Bonnie."

"You're going to the Halloween dance with Robin?" I tried to cover up the tone of jealousy in my voice, but it hit Logan anyway. I took a minute, "Robin, that's great, I'm happy for you guys."

Logan laughed for a moment, "No, Nat, we're not dating, we're just going as friends."

I took another bite of my waffle, "Sure, friends. That's just great." I felt the tension rising in my shoulders, remembering the scowl on Robin's face the last time I saw her.

"Natalie, did I say something wrong?"

I shrugged, "No, not-I mean," I sighed, "I gotta go." I grabbed my coat and made a sprint for the door, "This was great Logan, but I've gotta be somewhere."

I made it halfway down the block when I heard shoes hitting concrete behind me, he was running.

"Natalie, wait!" I felt his hand on the small of my back when he caught up to me, then pulling away to lean on his knees, "Wow, you're really fast." Logan took a few more breaths, and I started walking further. "Nat, wait, come on, please. What did I do in there? Did I say something wrong?"

I shook my head, shoving my hands into my pockets, "No, it's not what you said, you know what? I sh-I mean, I-" I groaned, "Look, Logan, I'm trying to figure things out right now. I'm getting all of these feelings. Every time I look at you, they're swimming to the top of the surface. It's what I do when things go awry, the feelings come out, and I screw it all up."

Logan shook his head, confused, "I don't get it Natalie. I just mentioned I was going to the dance with Robin. We're just friends, I swear."

"That's just it, I don't, and can't, control who you do and don't date. You can be with whomever you want to be, I mean, I have been for the last two months!"

Logan scoffed, "You don't get it, do you, Natalie? I want to be with you! Every time you look at me, every single time we're in a room together, my mind, my body is screaming to hold your hand, or talk to you, but I-I just don't. I can't, because I'm scared."

"Scared of what? I'm the one that always messes things up."

"I ran out on you twice, at moments when you needed someone most, mostly me. But I couldn't deal, so I ran away. I hated myself for all the things that went wrong when you were alone. Aeron left, you weren't talking to me, I was with Whitney. Whitney left, I thought," he groaned, "I've been trying to be there for you since everything happened."

The wind blew around us, my eyes stung with tears as his chest rose up and down from breathing hard. It felt like forever, his stare piercing into my mind, every touch, every kiss, skin against skin, all of my memories burned against my eyes. I felt a tear roll down my cheek before Logan pulled me against him, and pressed his lips against mine. The tempest of his emotions crashed violently in my head, and I felt myself pulling him closer to me. His lips parted, a sound escaping from his throat, and his hand bracing against my cheek.

Tears were falling down my face, and I pulled away, "I can't do this, Logan, not like this." His arms let go of me, and he wiped the tears from my face, his hand lingering against me.

"I know." Logan's voice caught, and the warmth drifted between us as he stepped back. "Do you want a ride home?"

I shook my head, "I need to walk, clear my head, I'm a mess."

"A wonderful, beautiful, kind mess," He smiled, sniffling and placing his hands back in his pockets.

"I'll see you at the dance, okay?" I whispered, before I disappeared down the walkway.