Logan

118. I'm Not Ready

*Desmond's POV*

I sat at Natalie's desk admiring a photo album, while she took a shower. Alex and her as young kids, pool parties, some photos of her and Logan. I tried not to feel jealous looking at his hand around her, it was a different time.

I saw a photo of her at a third birthday party, looked like it was at a park. I squinted at one of the birthday photos, one of the party attendees looked eerily familiar. Before I could look closer, Natalie sat down beside me, drying her hair.

"If you want to see more recent pictures, those albums are on the bottom shelf over there," She pointed.

"You caught me," I chuckled.

She was wearing a silky red bath robe and I could see the slightest hint of black lace in the front when she moved. I swallowed hard and looked away.

Natalie saw me looking and I panicked as she smiled and I changed the subject, "Oh, so, how about the New Year's eve dance, are you looking forward to it?"

Natalie stood up and tilted her head, "Desmond... you know I'm your girlfriend, right? It's okay to look at me." She came up to me and knelt in front of me. "Or touch me, if you want," she whispered, taking my hand and pulling it down to cup around her breast. "It's okay to touch me, you know?" I swallowed and mumbled an agreement. I hadn't really felt her like this before, in the bathroom, or earlier. She moved to stand and I pressed my forehead against her. She smelled like apple and something sweet, I squeezed slightly and she sighed, her hand moving over the back of my head and into my hair. I kissed the middle of her chest, and opened my eyes to see the scar almost hidden away.

I reached down with my hand and traced my fingers over it, and heard her breath hitch.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

Natalie shook her head, "No, not physically."

I found the ribbon barely keeping her robe closed and pulled it until it fell to her feet.

The slight glow from the Christmas lights showed flowers on black lace, soft. I felt my body rush with desire as I pulled her onto me, her body melting against mine. I shifted and pulled the cover away, and straightened out until I was laying down and she was on top of me.

I kissed her, my body heating up again and as she reached for my boxers, something shifted inside me. I stiffened and she quickly pulled away. I tried to recover, "It's just there, I-um, I uh,"

Natalie looked at me with a reassuring gaze, "How about we just, hold hands."

"It's my first time, sleeping in a bed with someone." I blurted.

Natalie nodded, "It's okay, I'm here for you."

I kissed her once we were laying down, hands still clasped together.

I kissed her again, and again. I moved slightly and I was on top of her, careful not to hurt her. We kissed for a while, my hand clasped around her breast and she arched her back, slightly brushing against me. I felt the fire burn again, threatening to engulf me, and a memory of Remy flashed inside my head. I pulled away and I buried my face in the pillow.

"Desmond..."

I swallowed hard and I shook my head, "I'm not ready, Natalie."

She said nothing as I faced away from her and pulled the covers over me. "Goodnight Desmond," she finally whispered before I fell asleep.

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*Natalie's POV*