Logan

117. I Want To Feel You

*Desmond's POV*

I walked into the house and heard a scream and clang, followed by the sound of something shattering. The noise sprang me into action, and I looked over to see her doubling over at the puddle of hot chocolate and broken glass at her feet. I lifted her and carried her to the couch, being careful to avoid stepping in the quickly spreading mess.

"Are you alright?" I was almost out of breath, my heart racing in my chest as I stepped back and straightened my jacket.

Natalie shook her head, "No."

"I'll get a towel," I took a step back and Natalie grabbed my arm.

"Stay with me a moment..."

"Your burn could be pretty bad, I have to get some stuff," I tried to reassure her, but she still clung onto my jacket, "He left," she sniffled, "He left me, and you-I can't, just, don't leave me too, please." Her speech was garbled and she was trying to talk between choked sobs, her eyes filled with tears and her hand still clinging to my jacket.

I sat down next to her, "Natalie, look at me, take a deep breath, okay, we're going to breathe," I walked through the inhales and exhales with her, just for a few moments until she'd stopped trembling and was able to let go of my hand "I'm going to find your first aid kit, and turn off the burner." I could smell the sting of burnt chocolate hitting my nose as I grew closer to the mess, bits of glass crunching beneath my boots.

I found some bandages and a towel and walked toward her again, "What happened?" I tended to her burns, which luckily weren't bad, and waited for her to talk to me.

Her face was still wet, bits of mascara down her cheeks, "Logan left," she swallowed and wiped her cheek, "For good, I think," she sniffled, "with him, a while could be months or years," her voice dropped to a whisper. She made eye contact with me, "He kissed me, but... I didn't kiss him back. I mean, I think a part of me wanted to, but I couldn't bear to do that to you. All I want is to be honest with you." I nodded.

"I understand. Hey, so remember when I said the person I loved died. You tried to get me to talk about him, but I wasn't ready."

Natalie nodded, "I remember."

"His name was Remy. He was my first- my first boyfriend. First anyone, really." Natalie stayed silent, patting my hand, urging me to continue, "We were neighbors in the same building. He started off as a bully, but after 9/11 happened, it got worse for BIPOC kids in the city, anyone who looked ethnically ambiguous, which Remy was with a biracial mom and a hispanic dad. He kind of withdrew from bullying me, just mostly kept to himself after that. One night I was headed home from choir practice and I heard a group of them arguing, the next thing he was on the ground. So I got in the middle, and chased them off. We started talking, and he joined choir with me... then he died. There was a concert, but there was an accident and he was," I swallowed the lump in my throat, "he was killed." I shook my head, "We were supposed to go out on a date after the concert. Most of the shooting was a blur, but I remember him-" I felt my breath hitch, my chest lurched, "I remember him dying."

I tried to take in a deep breath, Natalie clasped her hand around mine, squeezing gently.

"I'm so sorry Desmond."

I looked over at her, those earth brown eyes staring into mine, her expression sympathetic, and genuine. I'd never shared this with anyone, not even Babs.

"I uh," I sniffled and closed my eyes a moment, steadying myself, "Talking about him is still really hard for me, so if it's all the same to you, I'd like to talk about something else."

I looked back at Natalie and she nodded, "We can do that Desmond. I just want to say that I'm really glad I met you, we met each other at the right time of our lives. I'm glad you took a chance on me." She leaned in slightly, and I leaned into her too.