Logan

139. You're Making Excuses

Jei-Ya's, a buffet style Chinese restaurant tucked away in a little corner of main street, I hadn't been down this way since I was a kid, I remember it used to be an ice cream shop, I think? There was some distant memory my brain couldn't quite access.

It was a time capsule, red lanterns, twinkle lights, and some unique art murals. I smiled in surprise as I watched Desmond hug what looked to be a plain-clothed employee, and they chatted back and forth.

A five-foot-three Asian woman smiled, she was smart and sporty, hair slicked back and waved as Desmond introduced us.

"Mei, this is the girl I was telling you about, this is Natalie."

"Hi," I waved, "Your restaurant is really beautiful."

She nodded and smiled, "You two, eat, and what do you want to drink?"

"Uh, Pepsi for me, thank you," I said. Desmond ordered a mountain dew and we got some food and sat down. He handed me a little bowl of dumplings and some broth.

"You gotta try this, the broth is amazing." Dumplings weren't my thing but I tried a little bit of broth.

"That's really good," I chimed, "I'm just not really a dumpling person."

Desmond smiled, "I'll finish it for you." He stuffed the dumpling in his mouth and we sat in silence, eating, and his spare hand brushed mine, his thumb rubbing my palm. I looked down at his hand, then at him.

"Natalie, can I ask you something?" I nodded and he cleared his throat, "Do you ever see us dating again, and b-be honest."

The question took me back and I thought of all the things I wanted to say, I finished my bite of food and took a sip of my drink. I sighed, and took everything in.

"I think, it would be unfair to say yes or no, Desmond, I'm going through so much. I just secured this new secretary job, there were about four different background checks, I'm not talking to my brother and my birthday is in a month. I just lost Logan, and we weren't in the best of terms when he passed away. This isn't how I want to start a serious relationship, Desmond, it's not fair to you. Sure a random date or two where it doesn't go anywhere and we are awkward online friends, or a weird blind date. But you mean more to me that a few dates and awkward online friendship, and I can't do this to you."

"Natalie, I can be there for you through all of those things, I know I messed up...but..." he pleaded.

I sighed, pulling my hand away. "Desmond, I forgave you for all of that already. But I can't-I won't put you through that. I promised myself I would do this- for me."

"I think you're looking for an excuse," he whispered, "There's things you're not facing, and you're deflecting."

"That's not fair!" I said firmly, ready to say more- but I was too tired. "You know what?" I pulled a $20 bill out of my wallet and threw it down, my coat in my other hand, "Thanks, but I'm going home. I appreciate you showing me this place, it's really special."

I quickly flashed a smile to Mei as to not alarm her and walked out the back entrance, pulling my coat on and close to my body as I walked down the street.

Desmond caught up to me, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry, I was an asshole."

I nodded, "Yeah, you're being unreasonable." Continuing to walk and feeling the winter chill rip through my mouth and into my throat, I tried to catch my breath but it was so cold.

"If you want to go home, please let me drive you. You can't be walking like this."

"I wasn't going to-" a gnashing sound of glass and metal jarred us out of the conversation. Two cars had collided, the metal crumpled in a heap at the corner of the intersection.

We looked at each other then ran toward the vehicles, pulling out my phone and calling 911. Within a few minutes, Desmond was assessing the situation and speaking with the dispatcher, and the sounds of sirens pierced the air.

Watching a firefighter work was like seeing a ghost and an angel, slipping through time to bring life back. Thankfully no injuries other than some scrapes and broken bones. I saw them arrive and my phone rang to see Ripley's name.

I backed away and answered, "Hey, sorry I didn't answer you right away."

"It's no problem, I just heard Desmond on the frequency. Uh, are you okay? Are you safe? Do I need to come get you?"

I looked over at Desmond turned away so he couldn't see me, "Desmond and I got in a fight so I'm going home."

"Don't go home," Ripley blurted, "I'd rather you come home to the station."

"Come home?" I said.

"Sorry, I just feel better knowing you're under my roof instead of at your brother's house considering you're not speaking. I've heard of several areas having black outs. You can sleep in a bunk at the station, or here in my office. I just, I have a bad feeling."

Whenever an older adult told you they had a bad feeling, they were usually right. Desmond was asking me if everything was okay and I nodded, holding up my pointer finger. "Okay, I'm on my way."

"Tell Desmond to come too, I'm ending his suspension early, and if he can, I need him to fill in." I turned to Desmond, 'he needs you to fill in' and he nodded, and leaned into the phone, his cheek touching mine when he leaned in to say, 'sure thing cap' and then his hand let go of my wrist. I ended the call and Desmond held out his hand.

"Let's go." I walked forward without taking his hand and made my way to the car.

*Desmond's POV*

Things were tense as I drove back to my place to pick up gear. Normally Natalie was hands-on-lap peaceful in my car, but today after our argument she was seething. I could see the way her eyes sharpened at me and her hand in a fist against her cheek looking out the window.

"Natalie, I-"

"Save it." She said, taking a deep breath and looking back out the window.

I clicked the dial and turned the radio on, the worst she could do is turn it off, but instead she let me click through stations, until she heard a little of an oldies song and snatched my hand away.

"I like this song," she whispered. 'All I Have To Do Is Dream' by The Everly Brothers played on my speakers. A small smile spread over her face and mumbled something to herself before she began to sing the chorus, and when it ended she looked back out the window.

Marvin Gaye began to play and I turned it off, not the time for the romance king, dude. I pulled into my driveway. "I'll grab your stuff, do you want a ride to the station, or?"

She got out and slammed the door, and headed to her jeep. I closed my eyes and hit my steering wheel, frustrated with myself. If I'd kept my mouth shut I wouldn't feel this. "Shit."

I went downstairs and grabbed her stuff, and packed it into her car. She handed me my gloves back and I put them on.

"Thank you," She said.

"I'm really sorry for what I said."

Natalie huffed, "Listen, not right now. If you haven't noticed, this storm is about to get a lot worse before it gets better. We're lucky we've been able to do what we did, we don't have time to do this all right now."

I nodded and leaned in, "Okay," I said, mere inches from her face. I kissed her cheek and she didn't pull away or make a noise,

I drove behind her, following her to the station, and I watched her park and grab her things, heading for the door. I followed her into the station and watched as Captain Ripley's door slammed with her yelling something angrily and he looked down at me.