Logan

133. I Know I Messed Up

*Desmond's POV*

Babs chatted with Natalie a little more and I went back into the basement to finish making my bed on the couch. Natalie could sleep on my bed, at first Babs wanted me to sleep in the first floor bedroom, but then she decided since I told her about Natalie's nightmares that I should keep her safe. So she didn't hurt herself, or sleep walk into the snowy fields.

I looked over to see a small plate in her hands, "It's apple," she said, "come and have a taste."

"It's your piece," I said, draping the last blanket over the couch.

"Yes, which is why I decided to share it with you." Natalie said, holding her fork up. "Oh, come on."

I stepped over to her, "Okay, fine if you insist." She held the bite on the fork and scooped it into my mouth, gently pulling the fork away.

"Mmm," I hummed in agreement, "love the lemon flavoring."

She laughed a little, taking another bite.

"What?" I asked, looking down for a stray drop of whipped cream or crumbs.

"You've got a little," she scooped some filling off the edge of my mouth, it was the way she bit her lip when she concentrated. Something in me took over and I grabbed her wrist and slipped her finger into my mouth, my tongue grazing the filling, it's sweet contents satisfying me.

I looked up to see her eyelids flutter and her mouth fall open a little. I could close the space between us and kiss her, fuck knows I wanted to. Natalie knew I wasn't hiding my feelings, how could I?

Her boundaries were more important to me than letting her know how I felt. She was in a vulnerable state, and she came to me when she had her fair share of other friends to call on.

Don't, I told myself. Let go.

I gently released her wrist, and placed some space between us, then turned my back and looked over, "Thanks, tastes heavenly. Uh, if you're feeling up to it, we could finish that show. We only have another few episodes until the end."

Natalie nodded, "I'm going to take my meds and you can set it up?" She asked, setting the plate on the table next to us. "Don't finish this off, though." I nodded and watched as she sprinted in the direction of my room and then the bathroom with her med bag.

When she came back into the room she wore a camisole and little shorts, and sat next to me a little ways, keeping her distance.

Something in her demeanor had changed between the pie and the bathroom, I wondered if it was my fault. I mean, Natalie would speak up wouldn't she? I would hope?

"Are you cold?" I rubbed her leg gently, "I can turn up the heat?" I asked.

"No, I'm fine."

"Natalie, what's wrong?" I asked. She shook her head. "Don't say it's nothing, I know it's not."

She curled up into a ball and bit her fingernail, "I'm just worried, that's all. I haven't really taken my meds regularly for a few days and I'm worried I'll have a bad one, and Babs will think I'm crazy and kick me out."

I shook my head, "Babs won't think you're crazy, I promise. We talked about things, and she's gone through nightmares too, after my parents- well, she means well by saying Saint Michael watches over us and yada yada, all that. I know you don't believe and neither do I but she tried." I sighed and Natalie took my hand, "I'm ranting, sorry, I just, I hope it's okay I told her. It's why she wanted me to sleep out here. Just in case."

She nodded, "I don't hide it, so don't feel bad for telling her."

"If you have a nightmare, I'll take you back to bed and tuck you in. Give you some water, and if you need it I have a night light, somewhere," I laughed.