PRETTYMUCH a Lie [n.m]

Thirty

Nick

While the rest of the boys slept on the plane ride home, I stayed up. I didn't blame them though, it was an over-night flight. I had been jotting down lyrics and trying to piece together a song most of the night. I was feeling absolutely horrible. My mind and my heart both fucked. I decided to do what I do best and put it in a song.

Before we boarded, the guys had to stop me from ubering all the way from Miami to Panama City. I was dead set on going just so I could apologize in person, but the boys convinced me it wasn't the best idea.

I know they had been talking with their girls. I also know they had planned a trip to California before their summer break was over, so I know I would see Amelia soon. I just wanted to be there for her. We were having a baby together and I needed to grow up and be there for her. Thinking back and actually having time to process it, I was kind of excited.

I sat beside Brandon on the plane ride, and when he woke up to go to the bathroom, I asked him if he could help me out with a tune. I heard his lyrics earlier while we were waiting to board and I really took to his verses. I never wanted to see Amelia walk away, I never want to picture what my life would be like without her. Brandon helped me out with a melody, so when we got home we went straight to the piano to work. I wanted to sing the song and post it so she would see it.

If she wouldn't return my calls or texts, I know I could get Ali to make her listen to the song, and I was pretty happy with it as well.

About three hours later, we had a full song. We got Zion and Edwin to sing back up but they didn't want to be in the video. Finally, it was time to record. I was actually more nervous than I had been in a while. I wanted this to be perfect. We set up the camera and I sat beside Brandon on the piano stool as he began to play.

"Don't lose focus I don't want to stand on your blindside. Know you working don't you let it cut into my time, I'd lose my mind before I see you and I separate it."

As Brandon continued, I took a deep breath before I started my verse. As I began to sing, I felt the pain come from my heart and out of my mouth in some of the most beautiful notes I had ever heard myself sing.

"I would rather be, without vision before I ever watch you leave girl, got me feeling like, oh, I'd be better off blind."

As I sang the last part of my verse Edwin and Zion came in behind me and it truly sounded beautiful. One thing we were good at as a band was harmonizing. I continued to sing with my eyes closed solely thinking about Amelia to the point where I almost forgot my own lyrics.

"When I close my eyes, all I think about is you."

I was surprised how much more dramatic my voice got as I focused on Amelia. I wished she was here with me. I wish I never would've left her.

After Brandon's next verse, the song only escalated. We have never written a song with so much pain and passion packed into it. We planned on making a regular version of it, be we couldn't not release this version as well. It had the power to immediately put you in your bag, if you weren't already in it.

Our song had a certain truth to it though, every time I sang each lyric, they felt real. I miss her presence. When I close my eyes, she is all I can see. I would rather lose my vision than to ever see her leave again, even if I was the one actually doing the leaving.

Brandon was doing an awesome job playing the piano and singing along with me once the last verse came up. I didn't know if Brandon had ever been hurt before, but he was singing from the heart.

We never really talked about the whole Emily, Edwin ,and Brandon love triangle, but I know they both were well aware of it. You could tell Brandon had feelings for Emily, but the hard truth was, he had a girlfriend and Edwin was his best friend. One thing that Brandon could do was carry a high note.

I could as well, and we carried them out beautifully to end the song. Once we were finished, I let Brandon edit the video and almost came to tears when I watched it back. I hoped with all my heart that Alison could get Amelia to watch this. I hope she felt the pain and the sorrow that came from it and my heart.

I wrote her out a long message and sent it to her just as the video was being posted to Instagram and YouTube. Now all we had to do was wait. And since it was around four in the morning, sleep.

Blind is such a beautiful and heart felt song, so if you haven't heard it, please give it a listen. Like Nick said "it'll put you in your bag". :)

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Thank you guys for 5,000 reads! Y'all are the best.

-Tay