PRETTYMUCH a Lie [n.m]

Eighty

Amelia

I barely slept at all last night. Alison slept in my bed with me. It was weird because I didn't want to sleep, but I didn't want to get up either.

I finally made myself get up and take a shower. I was not about to let my mother ruin my homework for the day. I didn't have much to do, just to review an online lecture and take notes over it. It wouldn't take long.

Alison's mother told her to ask me what I wanted to do with my mother. I don't know? Both of my grandparents were dead on her side and I was her only child. I didn't really know what to do in a situation like this. I planned on driving home for the weekend just to settle all of those hard decisions. I didn't plan on anything elaborate. I had a lot of time to think about it while I was staring at the ceiling all night long purposely avoiding sleep. I was almost positive I would look similar to a raccoon in the morning due to the circles under my eyes. I just wanted her in the ground or cremated. Whichever was cheapest honestly, that's what she would've wanted.

I wondered about the house as well, would my mother's debt carry over to me? I mean, I wouldn't want the house, it was old and clearly not well taken care of. I was moving to California next year anyway, I didn't need it nor wanted it. Maybe I could sell it? Who would want to buy that dump though? Not me. I don't know. Alison's dad was a real estate agent, so I'm sure he could figure out something to do with it.

I spent the day dodging calls from my father, not wanting to hear his therapeutic conversations about my feelings and emotions. Honestly, yeah it sucked she died, but I don't know. I guess I was relieved. Damn, I sounded like an asshole. But she was too, so.

Nick was also up my ass about my mother. I called him and told him what happened, but nothing more. I just wanted to focus on school and not give my mother the time of day, right now at least. I could dwell over her this weekend, but not now. I think part of the reason I wasn't really effected, was the fact that I let her go awhile ago. I may not have realized it, but I did. When I left for college, I left her behind. That was what everyone needed to realize. She was better in heaven where there was no Sam, no temptations, no drugs and no alcohol.

I'll see her soon, and sober.

Soon enough, Alison and I were making the trip back home. I made it clear that I wanted this to be a quick trip because I had a few reflections to write when I got back to prepare for next week. I also didn't want to spend any more time than I needed to worrying yet again about my mother.

When we arrived at Alison's house, I was greeted with many unwanted 'I'm sorry for your loss' and 'she's in a better place' lines. I acted accordingly, not wanting to signal to anyone how I was really feeling about it. I figured if I acted sad they wouldn't ask me any more questions about her.

Upon talking with Alison's mom, we decided on a cremation and no service. My mother didn't really have a lot of friends anyway. Well, friends that weren't drug dealers or users. She also mentioned to me that I could go down to the courthouse and get a copy of her will. As much as I dreaded the extra run around, I figured now would be a good a time as any to get it over with.

Mrs. Smith accompanied Alison and I to the courthouse a town out and we picked up my mother's will. We met with a supervisor so that they could go over the important details regarding the house and her life insurance. She didn't leave much left for me. I wasn't worried about that anyway, there wasn't really much other than love that I wanted from that woman. I didn't get the love so I wasn't really counting on the money either.

He did mention that I could put the house up for sale if I wanted to or just keep it in her name and co-sign on it in case I wanted it o live there after school. Of course not. I decided to put it up for sale. Mrs. Smith told me she would handle the rest and try to get some money for it.

After an exhausting day, I spent the night at Alison's house.

"Are you awake?" I heard a voice from behind me.

"Yeah," I hummed.

"So, how are you feeling?" Alison whispered from the opposite side of the bed.

I sat up and flicked on the lamp making Alison sit up as well.

"I'm honestly okay. Like yeah, I'm sad and all, but I think I was done with my mom awhile ago. I think that took some of the sting off of the news," I explained biting on the inside of my cheek.

"Yeah, I get you. You know, you don't have to feel a certain way. You can feel however you want, or not at all. It's up to you. That woman put you through hell," she rubbed around her eyes as she spoke.

"She's still my mother though, it just doesn't feel," I paused trying to fit the right word into my sentence. "Shocking," I added.

She nodded her head agreeing with me.

"Well you know you have tons of family. Especially me," she smiled at me while snuggling back under the covers.

I flicked off the lamp and threw the covers over me as well.

"I love you, Amelia," she whispered.

"I love you, too. Thank you for being my sister."

I need a BFF like Alison. Lmfao.

I got in a fender bender today so that's the reason I'm only updating once. I'm super sad, stressed out and annoyed and now I'm completely broke. Get well soon car!!!

Happy update tho!

Vote and comment!

-Tay