PRETTYMUCH a Lie [n.m]

Seventy-Nine

Amelia

It was the third day of school and I could barely think straight. Benjamin had been giving me awful heartburn, I was so irritated and I was already behind in two of my classes.

"Sis, get some sleep. One more day and you have the weekend to relax. You can do this. Always remember that," Alison spoke from her bed.

I turned to her noticing she was speaking with her eyes closed. I felt that. I took a deep breath, getting more irritated, but realizing that she was right.

These classes had nothing to study really, it was just a bunch of discussions and papers over literary works. I stepped up into my bed and covered myself with my comforter, snuggling deep into my bed. I was just about to close my eyes when Alison's phone rang.

"It's my mom," she stated as she answered it and brought the phone to her ear. "Hey mom. What?" Alison's voice turned from nonchalant to horrified.

I sat up in my bed furrowing my eye brows at her.

"Okay, um can you tell her please?" she asked her mother on the phone.

Still wondering what the fuck was going on, she paused then handed me the phone.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Amelia, sweetie, how are you?" Alison's mother's sweet voice trails through the speaker.

"Good, what's going on?" I asked as Alison climbed into my bed and hugged me.

"Umm, we just got home from your house, your mother, she, she had a stroke," she stuttered out.

"What" was the only word I could correctly form.

"Is she okay?" I asked after a minute of silence.

"No sweetie, she passed."

My heart sank to those words. My mother had a stroke? My mother died? I had to be dreaming, I knew she was a drug addict, but she was my mother. Guilt rushed through my veins turning them ice cold.

"Okay thank you," was all I said before dropping the phone out of my hand and continuing to stare at the wall trying to organize my thoughts.

I didn't even know what to think. Should I be sad? Should I be glad? I knew that it had to be drug related. She was always shooting up and smoking. I guess her heart just couldn't take it anymore.

"Amelia," Alison whispered squeezing me a little.

"Don't," I replied.

"Um, I'm going to step outside in the hall and call my dad," I stated grabbing my phone and heading for the door.

Maybe he could make some sense of this?

I lightly closed the door knowing that my neighbors were probably sleeping and dialed my dads number.

"Hey doll. What's up?" he cheerfully answered the phone.

"Hey dad, mom passed away," I bluntly stated earning silence from my dad.

"How? When?" he paused but asked eagerly.

"Alison's mom just called me, she said she had a stroke. I guess the drugs finally got to her heart," I explained still showing no emotion.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Are you okay?" he asked sympathetically.

"I don't know. I just wanted to let you know, I'm going to go to bed. I love you, bye." I clicked the end call button before hearing his response and head back into the room.

Alison was still propped up on my bed looking at me.

"Come here," she stated.

I obeyed and sat beside her as she wrapped her arms around me again.

"It's okay, Amelia. It's okay to be sad," she said as she laid her head on my shoulder.

I was sad. I was angry. I was upset, but I also was numb. My own mother couldn't even be happy for me that I was successful in life. Your mother was supposed to be your best friend, your idol and your hero. My mother was a piece of trash who chose drugs over me endless times. I prayed for her every night hoping she would get better. I wasted my life trying to make her better. That was all I wanted. I wanted a real mother. A mother who wanted to be my mother.

Her words kept replaying in my head, "I knew you would fuck up, Amelia. You think you're so different from me? We aren't that different at all." she laughed as I turned around and slammed the front door.

I refused to turn out like her. Who says you have to be like your mother? I would never treat my kids the way she has treated me. I will never cheat on my husband or lie to my kids. I will never be her. I am not her. She missed my high school graduation due to drugs and now she will miss my college graduation as well. This fucking sucked. My children will never get to meet their grandma because of drugs.

I hadn't decided if I wanted them to know her yet, but just like the rest of my life, she made that decision for me. I wanted to make my own decisions. I guess I could now.

🥺

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-Tay