PRETTYMUCH a Lie [n.m]

Ninety-Three

Amelia

Nick came in and out of the room all night, moving back and forth between the waiting room and my room. 

I told him, "You need to get some sleep," once I began to get a little annoyed with his pacing.

"I'm fine," Nick said then continued to pace.

Alison, who hadn't left my side all night long, was currently asleep in the chair beside me. The nurse came in and out of the room to check that I was still dilating. She told me I was moving along and that since I was now almost five centimeters dilated, that it was almost time for the epidural. I was extremely nervous about the epidural. I heard that an epidural could cause permanent paralyzation if it wasn't administered correctly.

My father became scarce throughout the night. Apparently, he had clocked in to help out since the hospital was short staffed due to Christmas. I didn't blame my father for this; I wished there was something I could do to keep my mind unfocused, but all I had was a stupid TV and Nick walking back and forth between my room and the waiting room. 

I knew Nick was hurting- I could see it written all over his face- and I hated seeing him like that. I wanted to take that pain from him. I wanted to spare his feelings at the expense of my own. I could take it, but it hurt like hell to see Nick upset and in pain.

"Alright Amelia," the nurse walked in, "I think we're ready for the epidural." 

A man came in behind her. 

"This is the anesthesiologist," the nurse chirped while the man came in after her and smiled in my direction. 

I was instantly annoyed that she was in a good mood.

"Alright, so," the anesthesiologist tapped on a huge needle, "If I could get you to sit up and move to the edge of the bed, I need your stomach in between your legs so that you're able to bend over a good bit. Just try to stay relaxed though, this will only take a second."

I looked over at Nick with horror. Nick immediately walked over to stand in front of me as I moved to the edge of the bed. He held my hands while I leaned over and I rested my head below his collarbone looking down.

I felt a sharp pain in my back, then sucked in a sharp breath and pinched my eyes shut as Nick squeezed my hands. I tried to keep from tensing up as the needle went in, but the constant tight and pinching feeling was so uncomfortable it was almost unbearable.

"After I remove the needle, you will need to lay on your back," the anesthesiologist said, "It won't be long before the epidural kicks in."

I nodded, my forehead still putting pressure on Nick's shoulder. 

All I heard was, "You're amazing," from Nick, who whispered into my ear. 

I let out a breath when I felt the pain subside and moved to lay down.

The anesthesiologist left the room and that was when I noticed my father standing in the doorway.

"Just checking in on you," my father looked at me while he chewed on his lip. 

Tonight was nothing like a normal Christmas Eve. When children go to sleep, they hope that Santa leaves them lots of presents overnight. Instead, I am the one in a hospital bed about to give birth to a child who doesn't have a heartbeat.

I will never understand.

Over time, my lower half became numb. It was such a weird feeling to not feel my legs. I was fully dilated and ready to push by three o'clock in the morning. From then on, the room seemed to rise in temperature, and everyone became edgy and sweaty. I told my father I didn't want him in the room. I didn't want anyone in the room but Nick. I was about to give birth to Benjamin. I was going to see him for the first and last time.

"Amelia, push!"

I had my knees up to my chest and I felt a tremendous pressure in between my legs, but it didn't hurt. The pain that I felt from losing my baby was far worse than any epidural or child birth.

Nick said, "You got this," from beside me as I crushed his fingers with my hands. 

I gave another push, but all I seemed to do was push the joy from my stomach. I felt a wave of sorrow wash over me every time that I pushed. Sweat coursed down my forehead as I kept on pushing. My baby was about to leave the place that it called home all of his life. I wanted him to stay there. I wanted to make things right, I wanted him to be alive.

"One more push, Amelia!"

I gave one more push and felt a release of pressure from below my stomach. I exhaled and let my head fall back onto the pillow. I was exhausted and closed my eyes in attempt to hold back my tears. Benjamin was out, my baby was gone.

"Amelia," Nick soothed from beside me. 

I knew he was holding Benjamin, but I couldn't look. I didn't want to. I was ashamed that I had let this happen. Everything was perfect this morning: I was in the nursery with Steffi preparing for the Christmas Eve party, but now I was in the hospital giving birth to my baby boy.

I said nothing and continued to pinch my eyes shut.

"Amelia, please," I could hear the sorrow in Nick's voice. 

I knew he was crying, yet it took all I had to open my eyes to him, but when I did, I was not disappointed or sad, I was happy.

He was beautiful.

And the book is done! I am going to begin working on the sequel but will not post any chapters yet, I want to edit this one fully before I post any more!

(So for you rereaders out there it should be better the second time!)

I want to thank everyone who has kept up with the chapter updates and all, you guys are awesome!

Thank you for the support! If you have any questions post them here, if I get enough or any.. lol .. I might do a Q and A chapter.

I will also write a bio for the sequel after my dedication chapter just to show you what I plan to do with the sequel.

While you're waiting though, I have two other fanfics one is 'Overcome' and the other I am working on is called 'Grown'! Go read!

Thanks for reading, it means the world to me!

-Tay