Some Day | Wolfstar

Twenty-four

Sirius moved out of the tower and went to the Quidditch Pitch. He sat down in a corner of the deserted field, pulled his knees up to his chest, and let himself cry. "Remus," he sobbed. His name was all Sirius could speak. His cries were loud and ugly, but the relentless rain drowned them out.

He was completely soaked, but he didn't care. He wished desperately for a cigarette, but he had left his cloak behind. He didn't even have his wand.

Remus' angry eyes flashed in his mind over and over.

How could you?

Sirius hated himself. He hated himself so fucking much. If only he had faced Remus' questions like any normal person. Or told him to leave him alone. Or lied.

He hated himself for how much the act brought to light.

Gryffindors are known for their bravery. But he had been a coward. A pathetic coward who was willing to perform an awful charm, a charm that should've been named a curse, on his own friend so that he could avoid a single conversation. He had run away from Remus' concern, his love.

I'll never be my family. But he'd proved himself a pureblood hypocrite through and through. He'd used his magic on his unsuspecting friend for his own selfish needs. And worst of all was that he was in no real danger. Just to have an easy way out.

Sirius cried harder at the thought. He cried like a desperate man. Desperate for air. Desperate for forgiveness.

He really fucking hated himself.

***

James held Remus tightly as he cried quietly on to his shoulder, warm tears soaking James' shirt. Peter was biting his lip, heart breaking at the sight of his closest friends so shaken. Large tears rolled down his face and dropped on to his collar.

They were in their dormitory. The door was charmed shut in case anyone came in. They would have to wait.

"It's okay, Moony," James said gently, rubbing Remus' back with a warm hand. "Just cry it out."

Remus' shoulders rattled with the force of his soundless cries. "I... he's..."

James hushed him. "He'll be fine." He tried not to sound angry.

"No, no. You.. you didn't see the way he-"

"No, Remus." Both boys looked up at Peter, who's blue eyes were hard. The other two boys were momentarily shocked by his anger. Peter was the most gentle soul in the entire seventh grade. All of Hogwarts, probably.

"If he's hurt, let him be so. He deserves it. He knows how unacceptable Memory Charms are. They're not considered Dark Arts only because the Ministry uses them so often. He had no right to cast one." His voice cracked. "Not on you. When you... when you care about him so much."

Remus knew what he said was true. But it didn't make him feel any better. Peter joined them on Remus' bed, and they held each other tight. The legendary quartet of friends had finally found a situation even they didn't know how to face.

And something in the air said that they were a quartet no more.

***

It was almost dinner when Sirius came back inside the castle. "Mister Black!" Professor McGonagall gasped. Just his luck, she'd been at the entrance when he stumbled in.