Some Day | Wolfstar

Seventy-two

(This chapter is dedicated to xrosesandrainx )

"Have you heard of a fingernail growing spell, Mister Black?"

Sirius' head snapped up at the sound of Professor McGonagall's voice. The entire class was watching him in silence. "No, Professor," Sirius replied cautiously.

"It so happens that neither have I," the Professor looked at him with her piercing eyes, "which is why I would advise you to stop biting your nails, lest you should swallow them completely. I'm sure you can find something more productive to engage in. May I suggest paying attention to the lesson?"

James snorted from next to Sirius, but kept his head down.

"You see, Professor," Sirius tilted his head, "it so happens that I'm rather impoverished at the moment. I hear paying attention leaves a rather large dent in one's wallet. Surely you don't expect me to pay you anything when I'm... in simple terms... broke."

"Heart-broke," James chimed in, grinning at McGonagall. The Professor sighed, shaking her head. "You cannot be taking your studies this lightly, Mister Black." she cleared her throat.

"I assure you, Professor, I find them rather heavy."

James giggled from beside him, and Sirius let his smirk blossom into a cheeky grin. The Professor narrowed her eyes at him, her lips trembling slightly with the effort of hiding her smile. "In that case, I suppose the added weight of detention wouldn't help you very much?"

Sirius made a face. After a rather difficult full moon, they had left Remus in the hospital wing, unconscious. And Sirius was dying to see him after lessons were over. Professor McGonagall always knew the right places to strike.

"No, Professor," he replied in a much more subdued manner. "In that case, you'd do well by paying attention to me," the Professor tapped her wand on his textbook, "Regardless of how large a dent it may leave in your figurative wallet."

***

"You guys have to tell me what's going on," Lily said as she sat down next to James. The common room was full of students, as the cold was keeping them from going outside. James looked at Remus for help, and Remus looked at Sirius. Sirius looked down at his hands.

"Just... family issues," Sirius mumbled, slapping himself mentally because there was no way Lily was going to drop it.

"Listen, Sirius," she frowned, "I don't care about what's going on with you and your family." Her voice was fire. "But I was worried sick when you guys started disappearing like that. Regulus, then you, and then the two of you," she waved her hands at Remus and James, "and then Severus and Malfoy and... and Peter. I don't want to know whatever you did, but I need to know about Peter. I need to know what could make him hurt Professor McGonagall."

Sirius sat up. "Hurt Professor McGonagall?" His fingers curled into tight fists, his voice sharp and angry. Lily bit her lip, nodding. "What the fuck?" James frowned. "What happened, Lily?" Remus asked gently, even if his heart was pounding in his chest. Peter would never...

But just a couple weeks before, he would've bet his soul that Peter would never betray them like he had done. But to hurt a Professor? McGonagall, out of all people...

Lily told them how Peter had entered the common room, crying, and how the Professor had appeared to make sure that everyone was safe. Shakily, she repeated what she had seen in her office after Peter had left.

Both Sirius and James were livid, and Remus and Lily had to hold them down so that they wouldn't do Merlin knows what.

"Listen, you two," Remus sighed, "I know you're angry-"

"Fantastic observation, Remus," Sirius growled. Remus threw him a look. "As I was saying, I know you're angry, but there's nothing we can do right now. Really, you've got your wands out and your hexes ready, but what are you going to do? Burn the common room down?"

Sirius had to admit that Remus had a point.

"But we can't do nothing... we can't just forget it ever happened," James sighed. "We don't have to," Remus said much more softly. "We just need to think before we act. Making rash decisions has cost us enough, don't you think?"

Sirius sighed and laid his head on Remus' shoulder. "I can't believe he would..." he didn't want to finish that sentence, even if the unspoken words left a bitter taste on his tongue. "This is all my fault," he whispered instead.

"Hey, Sirius," Lily leaned forward to pat his knee. Sirius sighed again, and looked at her. "Did you hex Professor McGonagall?" She asked. Sirius frowned at her, "Of course I didn't..."

"Then it's not your fault." She said, as if it was just such a simple deduction. As if everything was so contrastingly black and white. Sirius wanted to remind her that there were a thousand shades of grey in between them, blurring their boundaries amd drawing them together. But he knew she would gladly keep on telling him that he wasn't at fault until he believed her.

And he didn't want to believe her. He let the idea seep into his body, let it wrap around him and cloud his mind until everything was grey, grey, and grey. Until all he could think of was how everyone kept getting hurt because of him.

It was sick that he loved how much it hurt.

Sitting beside him, Remus could tell what Sirius was thinking. He could see what Sirius was doing to himself, how the wheels in his mimd were taking harsh turns in ugly directions, dragging him down and drowning him.

So Remus pulled him close and kissed his hair. "It's going to be okay. We'll sort everything out," he whispered, because he still didn't know how to take Sirius' pain away. Because it seemed like no matter what he did, Sirius kept falling back into whatever darkness he was nursing in his mind.

Because maybe if he kept repeating those words over and over, they would actually come true.