Some Day | Wolfstar

Thirty-five

Sirius followed Remus into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow. They walked into the room where Remus usually stayed. Remus smiled when he walked in, despite the ache settled deep in his bones.  He hated being a monster.

The room had been cleaned, there was a small pile of five or six books, a large tea tray with two mugs, and a box of chocolates on the nightstand.

"Thank you," Remus blushed and lay down on the bed, stretching his legs out. Sirius smiled at him and sat down next to him, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Does it hurt a lot?" He asked softly. Remus nodded, and pulled Sirius down next to him. He reached forward and pulled his wand out of his hair, freeing the soft curls from their confines.

Sirius traced the scar running across Remus' face. It started from his cheek, ran over his nose and ended on the other cheek. There was another scar just below his left eye, extending all the way to his jaw. It was not as prominent as the first.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Why?" Remus smiled at him, nudging his forehead with his own.

"You... you have all these scars that you gave yourself when you were powerless to stop it. Scars that I know haunt you day and night. And I choose to make my own, by my own volition and... and it's so unfair, isn't it? That we always want things that we don't have?"

Remus kissed his forehead. "We're two different people, though, aren't we? Your scars are different from mine. They may have been made by ourselves, but... they're not the same. They're not comparable, Sirius."

Sirius touched Remus' cheek with his fingertips. "I've loved you for a really long time, Remus. Loved you... in a different way, I mean," he whispered.

"How long?" Remus closed his eyes and moved Sirius' hand to his hair. He trailed his hand down to Sirius' waist, and hummed as Sirius gently rubbed his scalp.

"I don't know... as far as I can remember. I don't know when my platonic love for you morphed into something else."

"Even when I was dating Victor?"

Victor had been Remus' first relationship, back in fourth year. Next came Daphne and Calliope, both short term girlfriends who just wanted Hogsmeade dates. They were cheerful girls, girls Remus still called his friends. Finally, there was Blythe; lovely and sweet, perfect for Remus, except that she ended up falling for some other guy. That one had really hurt Remus.

Sirius nodded his head. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" Remus opened his eyes. Sirius looked down. "I... I was scared. Didn't want to lose you," he mumbled.

Remus kissed his nose. "At least I know now."

"James could tell," Sirius chuckled. Remus raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah. Said it was obvious if you knew to look for it."

Remus laughed. "He knows you well." They fell silent.

"I've loved you for a long time too," he said softly, and raised his hand to brush Sirius' hair back. Sirius closed his eyes. "I think... I think I just never realised it. Like it was always there, so I learnt to avoid it."

"Imagine all the kisses we've lost... could've had a lot more if we got together earlier," Sirius smiled. "If lost kisses are the problem, I wouldn't mind making up for them now." Remus moved his hand to the back of Sirius' head, ever so gently pushing it forward so that they could kiss.

***

The next few weeks passed by slowly and almost painfully, the days stagnating. The only thing that made them bearable were Remus' kisses. Severus' Mandrakes were growing in Professor Sprout's garden under close supervision, Regulus was still unconscious, his whole chest now tainted black, James and Lily were completely in love, and Peter had finally asked the Hufflepuff girl out.

It was a Hogsmeade weekend. Remus and Sirius had stayed behind. How could they have resisted the whole dorm to themselves?

They lay curled up on Sirius' bed, Remus reading a Muggle novel called A Heart of Darkness, Sirius reading Remus' worn out copy of another Muggle novel called Pride and Prejudice.

Sirius kept smiling at the small notes Remus had made on the margins, in several different colours. He had obviously read it multiple times.

Sirius put the book down, content at the perfect ending offered by the author, a woman by the name of Jane Austen. He nuzzled the crook of Remus' neck with his nose, inhaling the sharp fragrance of peppermint wafting from his old, navy blue jumper.

Sirius made a mental note to buy him some new clothes.

"Moony," he murmured, kissing the skin below Remus' ear. "Hmm?" Remus didn't look up from A Heart of Darkness. Sirius took that as a challenge. He shifted so that he was lying on his side, and pressed his lips on to Remus' neck. He gently sucked on the skin, knowing it would leave a mark.

Remus sighed, giving in, and put his book away. Sirius smiled against his neck, and climbed on top of him. "I love you," he said, simply because it was such a beautiful thing to say. Because he had someone to say those words to.

Remus pulled him into a sweet kiss. "I love you," he smiled. He would never leave Sirius unanswered when he said that. He had spent long enough looking for love. Remus had no intentions of depriving him of those words. They meant so much more than just a phrase to Sirius, and Remus knew that.

Sirius slowly moved his hands under Remus' jumper. "Is this okay?" He whispered, kissing Remus' jaw. Remus nodded, placing his hands on Sirius' waist. He closed his eyes when Sirius slid his hands up, fingers carefully tracing the bumps and ridges on his mutilated skin. It wasn't pretty.

"Will you let me see?" Sirius asked, and Remus bit his lip. Sirius raised his head to look at him. Remus nodded again. Sirius moved down and gently lifted the hem of his jumper, exposing the scarred skin of his stomach. Remus couldn't help the way his eyes closed when Sirius started peppering the softest of kisses on his stomach. "I think you're beautiful," he breathed out, and pulled his jumper back down.

He moved back up to kiss Remus again. It was so good. Sirius wondered how he could've possibly lived for so long without kissing Remus. Remus tangled his fingers in his hair, smoothing the thick curls. "You're so beautiful, Remus," Sirius whispered, drawing away to catch his breath. "You're so beautiful, you take my breath away."

***

Author's Note

A filler with lots of kisses cause shitshow's about to start.