Some Day | Wolfstar

Twenty-seven

Both Gryffindor and Slytherin now had fifty points less than they did in the morning. That was the least of anyone's worries. The Gryffindors were let off easy, just banned from visiting Hogsmeade. Which was really no problem for them.

The Slytherins were promised a lovely month of detention for starting the fight. Professor Slughorn, their house teacher, was quite generous like that.

All three Gryffindors were heavy with guilt as they walked away from McGonagall's office, but not because of the fight.

Both James and Remus were weighed down by Sirius' terrible state. They couldn't help but think that he wouldn't be so weak if they'd looked out for him, and Sirius had obvious reasons.

He tried to refuse it, but James had an arm around his waist, supporting his weight. Remus walked behind them, quietly.

"We'll go to Madam Pomfrey?" James asked Sirius softly. He shook his head. "I'm fine," he replied, not meeting his eyes. Remus' chest tightened. Sirius was clearly anything but fine.

"Then we'll get you something to eat." James' tone of voice left no room for argument. He gently moved Sirius away from the foot of a statue, which he would've tripped over otherwise.

James turned back to look at Remus. "Can you take him to the Courtyard? I'll be right with you," he asked. Remus nodded, grateful for a chance to speak to Sirius alone.

James left them at the Entrance Hall to go to the kitchen. Sirius bit his lip, head titled downwards.

"Let's go," Remus voice was stiff, but he placed a hand on Sirius' back. Sirius moved away. They walked to the Courtyard in silence, and sat down on a bench, well hidden by a massive tree. It was almost always the victim of a couple looking to make out. However, the entire Courtyard was deserted, probably because of the biting cold.

Remus knew that it was up to him to say something. Sirius wouldn't approach him. It was not his place to decide that anymore.

But they never had been good with words.

A cold breeze blew towards them, carrying leaves coloured a dozen shades of ochre with it. "Where's your cloak?" Remus asked, noticing that Sirius was only wearing a thin white shirt. The sleeves were rolled up, but his skin was clear and unmarked.

Sirius shrugged, not daring to speak. The cold was like an animal, lashing at his skin and sinking its wicked teeth deep into his body.

"Come closer," Remus said, his voice as soft as it could be. Sirius shook his head. "Don't," he whispered. "Please. Don't-" his voice cracked. He inhaled sharply. "-care about me," he finished.

Remus frowned, "Why not?"

"It hurts."

"It hurts that I care about you?" Remus asked gently, his hands dying to hold the boy he loved so much. Sirius gave a weak nod. Up close, he looked so small. Remus gave in and placed his hands on Sirius' shoulders. Sirius' eyes fled from his, refusing to raise themselves from the ground. Remus used one hand to tilt Sirius' chin up and kept it there. His skin was cold.

"Why?"

"Because I-" Sirius lost his ability to speak when Remus fingers brushed against his cheek. They were so warm that they burned. His eyes fluttered shut, but he finished his sentence, "Because I don't deserve it."

Remus bit his lower lip to keep himself from crying and swiftly pulled Sirius into his arms. It didn't matter, none of it mattered if he was hurting like this.

Sirius had done something wrong. Something terrible. But how could that one mistake ever outweigh everything he had done for Remus? Everything he had given him, everything he had made him feel.

He wanted to tell Sirius how much he loved him. That no, no matter how much he didn't want it, Remus would always love him. That one wrong from Sirius' side was not going to make him throw away years of friendship and love.

But instead, Remus just held him tight. Sometimes, less was more. Sometimes, words just weren't good enough. They had limitations, bounds that could never encompass the raw weight of what they were feeling. So they clung to each other, hungry and desperate, each parched for the other.

Remus drew away from Sirius when James came back with a platter of endless sandwiches. Sirius shook his head, "I'm not hungry."

James looked at Remus pleadingly. "But you need to eat, Sirius," he said. He reached for a sandwich and took a bite, gesturing for James to do the same. James gladly did so, finishing it in just two bites. He took another, handed it to Sirius, then helped himself to a second.

"It's really good, Pads. Peanut butter with no jelly," he tried again. Just the way you like it.

Sirius took a tentative nibble out of it.

"Good, right?" James nudged him with his shoulder. Sirius nodded. James hated it. He hated that they had turned into strangers in a matter of a couple days. Sirius swallowed another bite, and a large tear rolled down his cheek. His shoulders shook as a loud sob rattled his body. James immediately put the food away and enveloped Sirius in his arms, hushing him.

Sirius fought to free himself. He was angry, so angry, but it was not directed at James or Remus.

"No, no, Sirius," James pleaded, holding him tight. "You're okay. We're with you. It's okay, Pads," his voice was tight, tears burning at the back of his eyes as well.

"I'm sorry," Sirius gasped, "I'm so sorry, I-"

"Shh," James hushed him. "Don't ruin my shirt, it's my favourite," he smiled at Sirius, finally pulling away. Sirius wiped his eyes. "It's ugly," he mumbled, shoulders drooping. James glared at him.

"Well, so are you, but I love you either way."

Sirius' lips quirked up in the smallest hint of a smile,the tears still glistening on his cheek. "Oh, Remus! Do you see that? Wow," James grinned, even if his heart felt like it was broken in two. Remus grinned back at him, "What?"

"His smile! Look it's getting bigger... oh, there! A little bit more... aaand there we have it! Look how pretty you are."

Sirius shoved him lightly. "Shut up," he mumbled, biting his lip. He still hadn't looked at Remus properly. Remus moved a little closer to him, and moved his hair back. "You look prettier when you're not crying," He said softly, letting his fingers brush Sirius' neck.

Finally, oh Merlin, finally, he looked at Remus. Remus ignored James who was grinning like crazy from beside Sirius, looking like he was going to faint.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Sirius' eyes were a clear grey as he spoke, despite him having cried. Remus smiled at him, hand still grazing his skin. "I know you are, Sirius," he paused for a minute. "I'm not angry at you... but you have to tell us what's going on. We're so worried about you. At least let us make sure you're okay... alright?"

Sirius nodded his head. James gave him his half eaten sandwich back. Suddenly, Sirius was starving. The three boys ate as much as they wanted, but it hardly made a difference.

Their hearts would've been full either way.