Some Day | Wolfstar

Thirty-four

"Why are you always so sad?"

Sirius turned from the window. The moonlight created a soft blue halo around his hair, casting blue highlights on his cheekbones amd jaw. He looked at Severus, who was sitting on a chair, pitch black eyes staring right into Sirius'.

"I'm not..." Sirius didn't want to finish that lie.

"Regulus used to worry about you a lot." Severus stood up and walked a little closer. He propped himself up on a desk. Sirius' chest tightened when he heard his brother's name.

"Is it your mother?" Severus asked, voice soft. Sirius shrugged. "Why do you care?"

"It's such a nuisance, that's why. How do your friends even put up with you?"

Sirius tried not to let it get to him. But it did anyway.

"I don't know," He sighed and turned back to the window. "I know what it's like, you know," Severus said from behind him. "You're lucky you have such good friends. They really care about you."

Sirius' throat constricted a little. Severus had no friends.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. He turned back to look at the Slytherin, who was watching him curiously. "I... I haven't treated you very well, have I?" Sirius asked, but his smile was sad.

"You haven't," Severus agreed.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said again, looking at Severus this time. There was one good thing his mother had taught him.

Sirius, there are two things you must always say while looking at the other person right in the eye. 'Thank you', and 'I'm sorry'. Am I clear?

Severus shrugged. "I'm sure I didn't make it very difficult," he said.

"You were a real asshole."

"Were?"

"Yes. Were. Lily's right. You really are better than the rest of those snakes."

"Those snakes include your brother."

"Those snakes with few exceptions," Sirius corrected himself, grinning. Severus didn't smile. Sirius was beginning to believe he was simply incapable of it.

They fell into a short period of silence.

"Lily speaks about me?" Severus asked after a while. Sirius looked at him, surprised. "She doesn't anymore... But she's still sad about what you said," he said softly.

"I didn't mean to."

"I know that now," Sirius walked over to him. "You should... you should try talking to her again. She'd love that." Severus shook his head, eyes flickering to the cauldron by their feet. The fire warmed Sirius, who had spent almost two hours by the window.

"I'm afraid Potter wouldn't like it."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "He's not a duel-obsessed machine, you know. He'll understand. If you didn't always have your head up your ass, we could've even been friends. Besides, why are you worried about James not approving of you talking to Lily? It's not like you-" Sirius stopped himself as the possibility of something that had never occurred to him before slowly crept up to him.

Severus' silence only confirmed it.

"Oh Merlin, Severus." Sirius wanted to give Severus a long hug, and tell him that it was okay. That there were other girls. That he would be okay. But he didn't want to transgress any boundaries. What were they? Friends?

"You love her." He looked at Severus, who was now very diligently scrutinizing the fire. His face glowed a warm orange, and two bright dots on his dark pupils reflected the flames.

He made no reply.

"I'm sorry," he said gently, placing a hand on Severus' shoulder carefully. Severus didn't make an effort to move away. "Don't be. I could never make her happy anyway," Severus sighed. He took a small watch out of his pocket, and put it back. Sirius removed his hand.

"In twelve minutes, we have to add the Mandrake roots." Severus moved towards his bag of herbs. Sirius sighed and watched him fish around in his bag for what he needed. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to love Remus, and have to watch him fall in love with someone he really hated. Like Lucius Malfoy. Merlin, that would hurt.

He frowned when Severus spilled everything in his bag out, turning it upside down and shaking it. There were a few dried herbs, and a claw of some sort, all neatly wrapped.

"What's wrong?" Sirius knelt on the floor next to him.

"The Mandrake roots... they're all gone."

***

Only James was waiting for Sirius that night. Tired and in pain, Remus had fallen asleep on his bed, and James hadn't woken him up. The moment Sirius walked into the common room, James could tell that something was awry.

"Padfoot? What's wrong?"

Sirius collapsed next to him on the couch, and buried his face in James' neck. "Fuck, James, I don't know... everything," he mumbled, trying not to cry. James held him, and Sirius told him how the Mandrake roots had... just vanished.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," James smiled at him. "No... no it's not, James. It'll take another three months to grow them again." Sirius rubbed his eyes, even if he wasn't crying.

"Then we'll... we'll find some. From Diagon Alley. Or we can ask Professor Sprout."

Sirius shook his head. "We won't. They're too rare to find in Diagon Alley, and ever since Professor Sprout's garden was raided by Dugbogs last year, she hasn't grown them again."

James sighed, and pulled his best friend back into his arms. "So we'll grow them. From scratch. And while we're waiting, we'll look. We'll look everywhere. We'll make that Potion if it's the last thing we do."

He walked Sirius into their dorm, and watched Sirius carefully slip into Remus' bed. Remus immediately curled his body around Sirius, although still fast asleep.

Something ugly was happening, James could just feel it. He only couldn't tell exactly what.