I will not apologize for this. You can't make me.
/Jeff's point of view\
"Hello, Jefferson." I heard a female voice say calmly out of the blinding white void I woke up in. I shot to my feet, looking around with panic.
"Where am I? Who is this? Why am I here? Where's Fae and my kids?" I asked, my heartbeat going at the speed of light. God appeared in front of me, her faceless figure facing me.
"God? Am I back in Heaven? Why am I here?" I asked, looking down at the short woman.
"You have done almost no wrong since you died. I have decided to bring you back into Heaven as a guardian angel once more." God told me.
"Am I ever gonna see my kids and my Fae ever again?" I asked softly, but she was gone and I was back in Urban Heaven, standing in my old home from before the fall. I sobbed, falling to my knees on the dusty floor and tears traced my cheeks. I let myself fall on my side and I curled into a ball on the floor.
I stayed there for several hours, bawling in emotional pain and grief over the fact that I might not see my family ever again.
Dad came in cautiously after I had been sitting in that same spot for almost a week, crying whenever I had enough energy or willpower to.
"Jeffy? Aziraphale sent me to check in on you, honey." He said before seeing the tragic look on my face. He scooped me up off the floor and carried me to the futon where I slept before...y'know. He bustled around my kitchen, pointing at the cupboards and the fridge and having things appear around him so he could place them where they belonged.
He started to make me some oatmeal as he swept the dust out of my house and tidied up.
"Here you go, son, your favorite of the magic feel-better foods I make." He said, putting the bowl on the little table next to my futon with the vintage alarm clock.
I didn't move, barely even blinking or breathing. Dad knelt next to me and stroked my hair out of my face like a good Dad, humming a soothing song about homesickness that he had written during the Second World War when he was in Europe on the front lines.
"Oh look at you, son...you got so attached to your family that you can't function without them. Now your soul is broken and they're the only piece to fix you." Dad whispered as he pulled me into his lap and started to slowly spoon-feed me the oatmeal so I didn't fight. It isn't like I would fight. I don't have enough willpower to fight back, but I have enough to cry at you and not do two basic human things that humans need to survive.
"Do you have your phone?" Dad asked softly. I shook my head no. "Damn. They really were thorough. You're not going to be let out of Heaven until you forget about Fae and the kids according to Gabriel."
I let out a groan.
"Not fair...one of my kids is literally part angel and they won't let me see them." I mumbled vaguely.
"I know kiddo, it sucks. Wanna use my phone to call yours because Fae has it on him without a doubt." Dad asked. I sat up quickly, nodding as fast as my neck would allow. Dad FaceTime called my phone and less than ten seconds later, Fae picked up.
"Fae!" I said with relief.
"Babydoll!" Fae cried, covering his mouth. "Where are you?"
"Urban Heaven. I'm in my old home with my dad. God decided to kidnap me and force me back into being a guardian angel. I can't leave Heaven." I explained to my fiancé.
"Well, there's a strange woman here who claims to be your double and I hate her so much. Her name is Janice." Fae explained.
"Is there a Fae double?" I asked Dad and he nodded.
"Fae's double's name is Phillip." Dad whispered in my ear and I nodded in understanding.
"In other news, Daniel, Alastor's ex is coming for our hides. He tried to curse our favorite ship of Radiodust and got stopped by my spell jars." Fae explained.
Fae, no. Put the fourth wall back.
"Oh no..."
-----
Three hours later, Fae and I stopped talking and I sat slumped in my chair at the table.
"This isn't my version of heaven. I would so much rather be in Hell than here." I mumbled as Phillip draped himself over me. He was so cold compared to Fae and mostly dead weight, unlike Fae. "Get off of me!" I shouted at him before letting out a sharp hissing noise.
He came right off and I let the tentacles that sprouted in between my wings slap him. No thanks, Phillip, try being less creepy and stay the fuck out of my fucking apartment.
"Don't you wanna have sex, Jeff?" Phillip cooed through an eerie smile.
"No, in fact, I don't. Now get out of my apartment. Go. Go. Shoo." I said, picking up my broom and using it to push Phillip out the door and down the stairs. I don't wanna touch that shit.
"Ugh...well at least your mom's double is nice to me and not as creepy as Phillip." Dad sighed, referring to Ani.
"Yeah... I wonder how Fae's putting up with Janice." I sighed.
YOU ARE READING
Alastor's Fading Static Hatred (Radiodust mpreg)
FanficAlastor has found a family and he doesn't intend to let it go, even when shit hits the fan. (The original copy disappeared sometime before I started putting this back up, so I can't bring back the pure comedy gold that was the old comments, but here...
