My Sensei... Kakashi x Female Reader(Student)

Chapter 12

~Your POV ~

How to sum up my first day?

I am feeling pain in parts of my body I didn't even know exist! Today is only the first day of 30 and I already feel exhausted, sore and terrible.

As promised, Tenzo was by my side during all of my classes. He was really supportive, but even that didn't matter for my lack of experience.

It was obvious that I would a disaster compared to the Anbu, but I wasn't counting on the fact that I would be equaly terrible at my others Senseis class.

Tenzo was sweetheart, always telling me that I was doing good and helping me here and there. But to be honest, I was unmotived by the first day.

Yes, I am used to being the best or the most praised one, and I knew it wouldn't happend during this month, but damn...

I turned and tossed in my bed, uncapable of falling asleep. It was already midnight and I knew that I would wake up early in the morning, but a million thoughts were preventing me from sleep.

How was Team 7 doing? Was Naruto eating propely? Was Sasuke at least trying to get along with the rest of the team? Was Sakura standing up for herself? Was Kakashi... alright?

I sighed, sitting on my bed. I wouldn't be able to sleep for the next hour as it seems. So I went to the only place where I would be at peace: the memorial.

The same memorial that Kakashi said that his friend's names were written. I sat there, only reading the names of shinobis I never knew.

It was a pretty chilly night, but I wasn't bothered. A million thoughts ran through my head and I couldn't focus on a single one.

"(Y/n)? What are you doing out here this late, dear?" a familiar voice asked.

As I turned, the figure of Lord Third took form.

"Gramps! Hi..." I answered quickly getting up "I just... wasn't that sleepy, I guess"

"Would you mind if kept you some company?" he asked.

"Of course not!"

He approached me, sitting on one of the logs. He pointed to another log, suggesting that I sat with him.

"Something seems to be on your mind, (Y/n)" he started "What's bothering you, child?"

There was a moment of silence. Only the wind howling through the night. 

I was trying to organize my thoughts and Lord Third knew. It took a lot for me to open up with someone, mainly about insignificant feelings like mine. But again, I was always against the whole 'shinobis should never shed a tear' thing.

Even though we were trained to kill and to succed on our missions, we were still human beings. Feelings were normal and, to my mind, needed to be normalized again.

"Am I not enough, Gramps?" I asked, afraid of my own words.

I seemed to have confused the elder. He looked at me, tilting his head a bit, waiting for more details. I took a deep breath before starting once more.

"Everyone expects a lot of great things from me, like I was supposed to be born amazing..." the words fell out of my mouth and couldn't stop them "But in reality, I'm not enough, am I? I mean... I don't have a Kekkei Genkai, nor am I a strong shinobi. I'm really... just an outcast..."

I looked down, ashamed of myself really. It is true that I had troubling thoughts about who I am and how I could be better, but they weren't the only things on my mind.

Actually, the thing that didn't dare to leave my mind recently was my one and only Sensei. His touch, voice, personality and every other trace were so hipnotising... They drove me insane!

But I couldn't just come all out of the blue to Lord Third saying that I got a crush on Kakashi Hatake! Not because he wouldn't understand, I knew he would, but because he would be worried on my behalf.

Just like I should... Kakashi was a womanizer. Breaking hearts and fucking around with fellings are a part of his life. If I told Gramps about my crush, he would be worried about my fragile little heart. My first ever crush had to be my Sensei, also known as the womanizer. Just my luck...

A humming took me out of my thoughts. Lord Third usually did this when he was thinking, just like when he puts a finger on his chin. My answer would come soon.

"It seems like I owe you an apology, dear" he said finally.

"Huh? No, I don't think you do! Why..." I answered quickly, kinda afraid I was misinterpreted.

"(Y/n) now I can clearly see why things are going the way they are" he said, getting up and moving foward to the memorial. I got up and followed close behind him "Both me and Danzou had put a lot on your shoulders. Unfortunantly, just now I came to the realization of how wrong and bad this was"

"What do you mean...?" 

"Yes, we do expect great things from you, but only because we are sure you are capable of doing such deeds. We intended to let you know that we were always by your side, but I think we passed the idea that we were pressuring you..." he continued.

"No, Gramps! That's not it! I-I am wrong... something is wrong with me. I am meant to be better, but I'm still... not" I answered.

"I believe I know why you are not 'better', as you put it" he said, turning to meet my desperate (e/c) eyes "I think me and Danzou are impossbilitating the rise of your Kekkei Genkai. Somehow, with our pressure, we inhibated it's awakening..."

"That... That musn't be it"! Both of you always had my back, no matter what. It's impossible that you could be my problem... I'm the only one broken here... It's my fault I'm not good enough, Gramps" I said, looking down once more.

I felt strong hands on my shoulder.

"I must disagree with you, my child" he smiled "Since the day you appeared at our gates, I sensed a great amount of power from you. It is your destiny to acomplish great deeds, but you should not worry about them at such young age. We shall cross this bridge when time presents itself"

I couldn't stop the tears that were falling of my eyes. Even though it was a bad and hurried excuse, it sounded like something I needed to hear.

Without saying a word, Lord Hiruzen took me in his embrace. I felt safe and my tears began to run free. His hug, somehow, reminded me of Kakashi's. But I knew they weren't the same.

After a while, when I finally calmed down, the sleep came to me.

"I suppose it would be wise for you to go to bed, dear. I belive you have a busy schedule tomorrow, don't you?" Lord Third said, his voice was calm and sweet.

"Yes I do, Gramps. Thanks for listening to me... and for everything, really. Goodnight!" I said hurring to get to bed.

"Have lovely dreams, (Y/n)" was the last thing I've heard from the Hokage.

And even though he told me to dream, my night passed in a blink of an eye. Only my deep and dreamless slumber was left in the house when I woke up the next morning, ready for a round two.