Forest // Changlix

Chapter 9

[A/N: i thought it might be interesting to do a short part from Changbins pov, hope you enjoy]

Also, this chapter is quite long (3500 words) but there won't be any more very long chapters after this one lmao.

{Changbin pov}

Next day I woke up with Felix still firmly cuddling onto me. I smiled slightly and grabbed my phone from the bedside table to check the time, it was near 6am. Just perfect. I promised him to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up so I had to hurry up.

I gently unwrapped his arms from around my body, making sure not to wake him up. Hardly trying not to make a sound at the pain I felt in my arms and legs from every movement I was making, I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

I removed my hoodie and took a look at my body in the mirror. The bandages from yesterday were drenched in blood and had to be changed.
No wonder I was feeling dizzy, I lost a lot of blood this time. I slowly removed the bandages from one arm, before removing the ones from my other arm, revealing deep cuts all over them. I knew it would be hell, but I had to treat the cuts or I'd either catch an infection or the swelling gets worse.

I made sure the door was locked, and went over to the sink, washing my hands with water and soap to clean them. Next I took a small towel from the side of the bathtub and bit on it to prevent myself from being too loud, since I had to make sure Felix doesn't wake up. I started gently wipping from my upper arm down to my wrist with a cloth, soaked in cold water. I bit harder on the towel at the burning and stinging feeling and squeezed my eyes shut. The cold water was cooling but it still hurt, to the point where all I wanted to do was to scream my heart out. It wouldn't be this bad if they were a few cuts, but over the past month I've completely covered my arms and legs in cuts.

However thats the only method I knew. The only way to get my anger and frustration out. The only way to make the emptiness dissappear for a split second.
Everytime I came close to Felix, hugged or touched him, I'd feel the urge to cut as well. I have to do it, thats what Jackson taught me, and he's right isn't he?

Being done with cleaning one arm, I went on to the other one. It burned and hurt so bad but at the same time it was kind of... satisfying? It made me forget the memories and the pain in my heart. By the time I was finished, I was breathing heavily with my heart beating irregularly and fast. My head ached and I was feeling dizzy and tired, my eyes felt heavy.
I knew what was happening, but there was no way I'd let myself pass out right now. I have to hurry up and go back to Felix, I still have a promise to keep.

I dabbed my arms dry and wrapped new sterile bandages around them before putting my hoodie back on to hide them. The bandages go from the very top of my arm to my wrist and just a small move could make my sleeve roll up and reveal them. Felix can't find out about this, not yet, he'd blame himself for getting too close to me.

I knew about Felix's feelings towards me, he can't really hide them.

But I can't deny my feelings for him either. The way this rosy color would appear on his cheeks and the way he gets nervous when I get closer to him.

How he's always too shy to ask for the cuddles and attention he wants. His beautiful smile when he's happy and how his freckled face lights up everytime I give him what he wants.

Eyes that hold the whole universe in them and his fluffy blond hair, always falling onto his face when he doesn't style it. His full lips, I've always wanted to make them mine.