Forest // Changlix

Chapter 33

I really like this chapter, hope you do too :)

Enjoy!

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[1] Dear dairy,

It's been a few hours since Changbin left in the morning.

I hadn't really processed what happened yet, but I think now that it's night, I'm laying here in my bed, alone, feeling colder than ever, I realize I actually told my boyfriend to leave.

We broke up. No, I broke up with him. For no reason.

But we didn't REALLY break up. I don't know honestly.

I think I hurt him a lot. I didn't get any text message or a call after he left, I won't even know if he's at Chans or not.
Who am I to expect anything, it was my idea to distance ourselves from each other right?

I felt something in my heart when he pushed me away, it was like a sharp pain — pain striking me like thunder bombarding down on earth, it's powerful impact hitting everything in sight. It felt like my heart was ripped apart.

Tsk, it's ironic isn't it? Just when we got back and I was finally happy to be held by him again, I actually send him away. I even suggested breaking up.

Why do I always have to make hasty decisions whout thinking about what I'm doing first. I should've taken everything into consideration before doing this.

San is laying next to me, he's tired. He's been hoppeling around the house all day trying to find his best friend, but with no success.

I wonder what Changbin and Woo are going.

I miss them already.

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Felix closed his notebook and put it onto his bedside table, turning off the light. He laid down, pulling the covers over his body.

Felix took a breath of their scent, instantly recognizing it as Changbins. That sweet yet masculine scent – the scent of safety and love.

He clenched his hands into fists, grabbing the blanket, inhaling some of the scent he grew attached to. It filled his nose, his whole body, hitting him like waves crashing onto the shore, then running away into the endless ocean again.

Just for a moment it felt like Changbin was right there. The mattress, the sheets, the room heck even the clothes he was wearing smelled like him. He wasn't here, yet his presence lingered in Felix' mind as he laid there, remembering little moments they shared.

"Everything is alright okey?"

"I'm just so scared of l-losing you a-again"

"Shh I know I know, I'm not gonna walk away ever again, promise"

He remembered that exact day he was crying, shaking, practically panicking because of too much fear, fear of losing Changbin again (A/N: that was in chapter 11 btw). The emotions and feelings he had all replayed in his head. He saw himself and Changbin infront of him, like a movie playing on a screen.

They were both kneeling on the ground infront of each other, Changbin desperately trying to calm the younger down.

"B-binnie please I b-beg you d-don't go, p-please, I can't live without y-you"